Sailor Ranko: Just add water
by burgerbecky
Summary: Completed fic. Sailor Sun / Ranma against Happosai unleashing a terrible demon on the world and the Senshi have to deal with it. R/R please!
1. Slippery when wet

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 1 Slippery when wet  
  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or sell me to the gypsies.  
  
  
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The story so far...  
  
A long time ago in a district of Tokyo far far away. A boy's life was turned into a living hell by his well meaning but idiotic father. He was dipped into a cursed Chinese spring that changed him into a girl when splashed with cold water. Hot water would change him back into a man. After several years of torture otherwise known as life in Nerima, he was sent away with his prearranged fiance to Juuban for four months where 'she' was recruited by the Sailor Scouts and became Sailor Sun. Since his life was not already ruined enough, they recruited his bride Akane and made her Sailor Io. So, we have the 'husband' and wife team of Sailor Sun and Io, and you thought Sailor Neptune and Uranus were weird.  
  
The boy's friends have also suffered from his presence. Ryoga got married to Akari Unryuu and was having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he should be happy and content with his life. Wanderlust was calling him collect. Shampoo thought that Mousse beat her up so that now she had two men to torment into marriage. She refused to declare acceptance of Mousse as her husband because she still wanted the boy of our tale. This of course frustrated Mousse to no end. Ukyou and Konatsu found about our boy's secret identity and wanted to sign up as Senshi at the next recruitment drive.  
  
Who was this boy you ask? The boy was Ranma Saotome, heir to the "Anything Goes School of Martial Arts", part time Ranko, part time Sailor Sun, part time target of someone's wrath. Pity him.  
  
We return you to our regularly scheduled programming.  
  
  
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Ranma sighed for the third time. He sat in the little dining room table of his Juuban apartment clutching the letter he got from Juuban High School. Akane just shook her head. "You know Ranma, the note you got from Dr. Tofu was going to be questioned sooner or later. C'mon, did you think that a 'Back Problem' was an excuse they would buy forever?"  
  
Ranma knew what this meant. He was going to have to attend gym classes. As a martial artist, he would have welcomed anything that would have allowed him to train and maintain his body. But his curse had a dark side and he wanted to avoid the problems he had while at Furinkan. "Well, I'm getting an exam from the school nurse today. If I pass, I will be in gym shorts in the afternoon."  
  
Akane grinned and pulled out a pair of red girl's shorts, "Do you want me to pack your clothes?"  
  
Ranma closed his eyes and contemplated what mayhem this was going to cause. He was not looking forward to going to school today or ever again. He had so far kept his curse a secret to his new school, but now it was only a matter of days before everyone knew about his little problem. Ranma took the crumpled up note from school and smoothed it out and folded it neatly. He placed it in his backpack with two sets of gym clothes, one male and one female. He trudged out the door to another fun filled day at Juuban High School.  
  
  
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"Mr. Saotome! Please come in here." The school nurse called Ranma into the little nursing station. Ranma earlier in the day was trying out different ways to intentionally throw out his back, dislocate his shoulder or annoy Akane to beat him senseless. He wanted to fail this exam.  
  
The nurse took one look at Ranma and knew that the note from Dr. Tofu must have been a misunderstanding. Ranma was a prime specimen of maleness. His chest was solid muscle and his arms were fully defined. He had no trace of fat on him and looked like he could take on Rambo without trying. The nurse wondered why a person like this would want to be excused from gym class. "Please remove your shirt." She pulled out a stethoscope to listen to his heart.  
  
The nurse had to resist wanting to run off with Ranma right then and there. She saw his bare chest and wanted to bury herself in it. She calmed down a bit and held the stethoscope against his ribs listening to his lungs. "Inhale. Exhale." Lungs were fine, heart rate was low but that was because he was in prime physical condition. She examined his back and it was flawless.   
  
She looked at his head and saw his ears were pierced. "Do you wear earrings regularly Mr. Saotome?"  
  
Ranma shot a glance at the nurse. He was shocked at the question. "No."  
  
"I noticed you have pierced ears. If you do wear an earring, make sure you keep it sanitized to prevent an infection. Men tend to forget that."  
  
"Huh? But I never pierced my ears." Ranma touched his earlobes and felt the tiny holes. He thought, "How did that happen? Oh, right, when I'm Sailor Sun, I have earrings. Oh man, what other side effects are there?"  
  
The nurse nodded her head. She wondered how could he not have known his ears were pierced. "I also see there is an error in your file. It says you have a scar on your left arm." She pointed at his perfect skin on his arm. "Do you have a scar somewhere else?"  
  
Ranma looked at his arm to see the scar he got from his battle with Herb. It wasn't there. There was no trace of injury on any part of his body. He flexed his muscles, "I guess it healed."  
  
"I guess it wasn't a scar then." She had seen enough. "Ranma please put your shirt back on." She looked at his student record and sighed when she saw that it was marked that he was a married man. Darn.  
  
"I'm clearing you for gym class. Instead of study hall, please report to the gymnasium." She made some marks in his student record. "It appears that you have fully recovered from your back problem." She handed him a hall pass.  
  
Ranma gave a deep sigh; he left the nurse's office to get back to class. He thought about jumping off the roof to snap his spine. He thought about Akane cooking something for him and eating it. He wanted to do anything to avoid gym class.  
  
  
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Rei, Makoto, Minako, Akane and Ranma met at lunchtime at the usual tree in the courtyard. Usagi was late as usual.  
  
Rei sighed, "My grandfather wants me to transfer back to T*A Private Girls' School."  
  
Makoto gave a look of sadness, "Do you have to go?"  
  
Rei slowly chewed on her apple and swallowed, "I don't know. He really wants to send me back. I'm trying to convince him that I should stay here. It was hard enough to get him to let me join you girls here in the first place."  
  
Ranma glared at Rei, "Watch who you're calling a girl!"  
  
Rei giggled, produced a cup of water and held it in a threatening manner. Ranma backed off. Rei changed the subject, "Ranma, why would you want to ditch gym class?" She took a final bite of her lunch and washed it down with cold water.  
  
Minako chimed in, "Someone with your skill would make a great addition to our volleyball team! You should sign up."  
  
Ranma groaned. He fell onto the grass, "Minako, you are on the girl's volleyball team."  
  
Minako smiled, "So?"  
  
Rei took her water and splashed Ranma's face with it. "There, now you can join the volleyball team." The girls gave out a small laugh. Minako glowed at the thought of Ranko playing at her side.  
  
Ranko was not happy. She blinked her eyes and stared at the cloudy sky. "Why couldn't it last?" She just stared aimlessly at the clouds above.  
  
Akane knew what was troubling her. "Rei, could you get some hot water for Ranma. He really needs to change back before class starts."  
  
Rei shrugged, "Sure, but why the secrecy? This isn't something you can hide forever. What if it rained?" Rei got up with her cup to go to the ladies room. She glanced over her shoulder at the sighing Ranko and briskly walked to fetch the hot water.  
  
Minako slid over to Ranko. She noticed a small tear was welling up in her eye. "What's wrong Ranko?"  
  
Ranko blinked her eyes to absorb the tear. "You'd never understand." Ranko got up and followed Rei to the ladies room. She caught up with Rei, snatched the cup from her and ran straight to the men's restroom. Ranko stopped just a moment before embarrassing herself and switched to the ladies' restroom.  
  
Rei blinked and smiled. She turned and sat back down with the assembled group.  
  
Usagi ran up with her lunch. "Hi there! Whoops!" She tripped on a tree root. Usagi's lunch went airborne and Akane instinctively caught it. Usagi hit the dirt with a thud and grimed up the front of her school uniform. "Oh, mom is going to be mad at me!"  
  
Akane handed Usagi back her lunch. Usagi was happy it wasn't ruined. She started to wolf down her food in record time.  
  
"What's wrong with Ranma?" Makoto asked Akane.  
  
Akane stared at the grass. "Have you thought about what life is like for Ranma with that curse of his?"  
  
Ranko gave out a scream from inside the ladies' restroom. "WHAT!? IT'S BROKEN!" She bolted from the restroom and ran to the cafeteria.  
  
Minako saw where Ranko was going, "I guess the hot water isn't working in the restroom."  
  
Ranko got to the cafeteria and cried out, "I need some hot water! Can I get some?"  
  
The attendant looked at Ranko with fear. This redhead was psychotic, "We're closed." Ranko stomped the ground and threw her cup down. "ARGH!" She took a few deep breaths and slowly spoke with an air of defeat, "I guess it's time to face the music." Ranko walked off to class holding her head down with excitement of a woman walking toward a guillotine.  
  
Akane held back the other girls. "Rei, you should be ashamed of yourself."  
  
Rei watched Ranko walk slowly away. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't know that the hot water wasn't working in the restroom. It's not that big a deal is it?"   
  
Akane was flustered, "Yes it is! We had to keep it a secret because of what happened at Furinkan."  
  
Usagi wanted to hear gossip, "What happened?"  
  
Akane kept her eyes on Ranko as she walked away. The peanut gallery wanted to hear the tale. "Once we thought like you do now. We didn't think his curse was that big of a problem. However at Furinkan, we kept the secret for a while until a Gymnastics competition where Ranko was competing in my place. She announced her name as Ranma to everyone. She thought she didn't want to hide her curse anymore since it was so much trouble to keep it a secret. We didn't have a clue of the repercussions. After that everyone at school knew about her curse. Well, then the problems started."  
  
Usagi slid next to Akane, "Go on."  
  
Akane thought about why she hated boys in general, "Well, the boys at Furinkan were perverts. When Ranma had to take his shower at the end of gym class. He had to disrobe and go to the bathing stalls. Now, since the showers were hot, there wasn't any problem. But when you have a room full of naked male perverts who only had to shut off the hot water and switch it to cold to get an instant naked girl... Well..."  
  
The other girls froze at that though, "Oh..."  
  
Akane turned to face them, "It doesn't end there. The pervert squad would lay in wait trying to use squirt guns or garden hoses to get a free wet t-shirt view of Ranko. Since she doesn't wear a bra as a guy, you can just imagine what that looked like. Ranma for years tried everything he could to get rid of his curse just so he could try to lead a normal life."  
  
Akane leaned face first into her hands with her elbows on her knees for support. She felt sadness for her husband. She lowered her voice so only the present company could hear her, "Did you ever wonder why Ranma didn't want to join the Sailor Scouts? When he committed to the team, he had to pay a huge price. He can never be cured or we lose a teammate." Akane closed her eyes and felt empathy for her husband's feelings. "I hope you can understand what Ranma sacrificed to join the scouts."  
  
The other girls finally realized why Ranma was so hesitant to join the Sailor Scouts. Usagi looked at the ground, "I never thought of it that way."  
  
Akane just stared at the grass. "If he finds a cure and stays a man, he loses Sailor Sun. If he stays a woman..." Akane felt a tear in her eye, "He can't give me our child." She took a deep breath, "to have both, he has to be tormented by the random sex changes and the pervert squad for the rest of his life."  
  
There was a collective gasp from the rest for the girls.  
  
Akane brushed herself off and stood up. She looked down at the group. She positioned her hand to grab her henshin stick from subspace but didn't produce it. "Some secrets can be kept forever." She turned to Ranko, "Others can't. Now that his secret will be out, it's going to be just like Furinkan again." Akane sighed and walked to class.  
  
The girls gulped. Minako and Rei shot guilty glances at each other and felt sorry for what they had said earlier.  
  
  
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The teacher noticed something funny about Ranma. His hair was red and he seemed shorter somehow. He walked over to his desk and saw that the person sitting there was not Ranma Saotome. "Miss, you appear to be in the wrong classroom."  
  
Ranko looked up at the teacher. She sagged down not looking forward to saying what she had to say. "I am in the right class teacher."  
  
"Miss, that is Ranma's seat. You are not one of my students. Please go to your proper classroom." The teacher pointed toward the door. Usagi and Akane looked at Ranko with hurt looks in their eyes.  
  
"Teacher, I am Ranma Saotome. I was hit with cold water and I change into a girl. I have a Chinese curse." She braced for impact.  
  
The teacher had heard of dozens of excuses before, but nothing like this. He gave out a small laugh, "You expect me to believe that? What is your name and what classroom are you from?"  
  
"I already told you, my name is Ranma Saotome. My wife is sitting over there." She pointed to Akane. Akane gave a stunned look on her face as the class gasped at the thought of a girl pointing out another girl as her wife.  
  
The teacher rubbed his temples, "Miss, you will be reporting to the principal's office if you don't stop this nonsense. Now, for the last time, what is your name?"  
  
"Fine! My name is little red riding hood! I'm hiding from the big bad wolf!" She crossed her arms and her face went flush with anger.  
  
"That's it!" He turned to Akane, "Akane, please escort this troublemaker to the principal's office." He stormed off to his desk and filled out a hall pass. Akane stood up and held out her hand to Ranko. Ranko didn't get up. She stayed at her desk.  
  
The teacher handed the hall pass to Akane and shot a look of disapproval to Ranko. "Miss, please leave my classroom!" He turned to Akane, "Akane, find your husband and get him in here or he will be given a detention alongside this troublemaker."  
  
Akane started twitching her eyebrows, "That troublemaker is my HUSBAND!"  
  
He looked at Ranko and back to Akane. "What sort of joke is this? It is not funny and it's very disrespectful. Why are you trying to pass this off as some sort of excuse for Ranma to miss this class?"  
  
Ranko stood up, "We have magical girls running around town blowing up youma and you can't accept the fact that I have a curse that changes me into THIS!"  
  
Akane looked around the classroom for any water that was hot. She saw a cup of tea on the teacher's desk. She walked around the teacher to get the tea. "Mrs. Saotome, where are you going?"  
  
Akane grabbed the tea and felt the cup. It was iced tea. "Er..." She turned around to the teacher, "I need hot water to change him back."  
  
"You can change her into anything you want to Akane, in the principal's office." He pointed to the door and glared at Ranko. "Now both of you, OUT!"  
  
Ranko grumbled and grabbed her books and trudged out the door. Akane stared at the teacher with the look of 'I'll get you for this'. The two girls left.  
  
Usagi gave out a pitiful sigh. Deep inside she knew what responsibilities she had for being Sailor Moon. She truly felt honored that Ranma would go to such lengths to be one of her warriors. She just didn't know what to do for her right now.  
  
  
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"Sorry I got you involved." Ranko sat in the reception room of the principal's office.  
  
Akane smirked; she was holding two large cups of water, one hot and one cold for their meeting with the principal. "Wanna bet he faints? Or will he start pouring water on you ten times like Ukyou did when she found out?"  
  
Ranko gazed at the ceiling, "You'd think with all the youma and the Senshi running around, that they would be more open minded about these things."  
  
"Mrs. Saotome and Miss... Saotome?" The secretary called them to the office and held the door open for them. Akane gave a little bow and went in with her water. Ranko followed waiting to be treated like a freak show.  
  
"Please have a seat." The principal gestured to the two girls to sit down. "Now, I understand that you are claiming to be Ranma. Is that your name?"  
  
Akane put the hot water cup over Ranko's head. "She has a curse. Watch." She poured a little water and she changed to Ranma.  
  
Ranma gave his well-practiced line, "Sorry about that."  
  
The principal dropped his jaw. "Your hair just changed color and you... Uh..."  
  
Akane poured a little cold water on Ranma and he changed to Ranko. Ranko wiped some of the water off of her brow.  
  
"How is this possible?"  
  
Akane poured the hot water again. Ranma turned to Akane, "Please stop that." He turned to the principal, "I have a Jusenkyo curse. Hot water, I'm a guy. Cold water, I'm a girl. Any questions?"  
  
The principal picked up the phone and called the records office, "Please give me the student file on Ranma Saotome." He hung up and went over to Akane. "Which cup changes him into a girl?" Akane handed him the cold-water cup. He stared at Ranma and poured the entire cup on him. He witnessed the transformation up close to make sure it wasn't some sort of trick. "Well, I'll be!"  
  
"Now you know. Can we keep this a secret?" Ranko pleaded.  
  
Akane bent over to whisper in her ear, "I think it's too late for that." Ranko sank in her chair.  
  
The secretary came in with a very thick file and handed it to the principal. She turned to leave and stopped to notice the large puddle of water under Ranko. "Mrs. Hayashi, please have the janitor come by to clean that up. Oh, and I'm sending these two back to class, please make hall passes for them."  
  
Akane poured the hot water and got Ranma back. Ranma asked, "Can I be excused from gym class?"  
  
The principal looked up from the file he was reading, "Why?"  
  
Ranma gave a blank expression, "Uh... Do I use the boy's shower or the girl's shower?"  
  
"Oh, you've got a point. What did they do at..." He looked down at the file, "Furinkan High School about this?"  
  
"I had to wait until all the men were done taking showers and then I was able to take mine in private."  
  
"I see. I'll have to discuss this your former principal at Furinkan and your gym teacher. Now, please go back to class."  
  
Ranma and Akane shrugged and left. The principal leafed through Ranma's school records and found a long history of vandalism, fights, and just plain mayhem. Nothing was mentioned about a spontaneous sex change. He picked up the phone and made some calls.  
  
  
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Ranma was sitting back in his seat in class. The other students were whispering to each other noticing how Ranko and Ranma looked alike. Ranma thought, "By this time tomorrow, I'll be ducking water balloons and squirt guns."  
  
The teacher had to raise his voice several times to get the students to quiet down from their gossiping. He kept shooting glances at Ranma after he noticed that Ranma was wearing the same clothes as the girl at the start of class.  
  
  
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Ranma changed into his male gym uniform. He kept an eye out for anyone with a water weapon. The other guys wondered why Ranma was so on edge. Some whispered to each other that maybe Ranma was gay and that was why he acted so funny around the other men. They started to avoid him.  
  
Ranma was on the track. He ran faster than any of the other students. He didn't use his ki to enhance any of his jumping ability to avoid attracting any more attention to himself. He was always on guard for any sign of water from any source. Ranma started loosening up and started getting into the spirit of competition as his desire for martial arts training began to take hold. By the end of the class, he was actually having a good time and let his guard down.  
  
Ranma stood back as the other men bathed. He saw steam coming from the washing area and knew it was safe. He disrobed, put a towel around his waist and went to the showers. He saw fifteen men in various states of washing up. Ranma went to the nearest empty stall and started the water without having any touch him. Once he saw steam rise, he removed his towel and jumped in.  
  
Kato, a man from the same class as Ranma took notice of the way Ranma avoided water. He took his towel and dipped it in a sink and soaked it with water. He wanted to see if what that red haired girl said was true.  
  
Ranma finished his shower and turned off the water. He started to dry himself off when Kato came by. "Hey Ranma! I'm Kato! Nice to meet you." He made a little bow to Ranma.  
  
Ranma was rather surprised. He already knew Kato from class but never was formally introduced. He was about to bow when his danger sense kicked in. Kato held out his towel above Ranma's head and wrung it out. Ranma hopped to the side to avoid the water. "Hey! What do you think you are doing?"  
  
"I just wanted to see if it was true." Kato gave a look of glee seeing the fear in Ranma's eyes.  
  
The other men stopped what they were doing and looked at Ranma. Yoshi, a shorter man near the lockers asked, "True? What are you talking about?"  
  
"Ranma here says that he changes into a girl with cold water." He paused and added, "He's also gay."  
  
Ranma was pissed. "What did you say!" Ranma was about to punch the guy's lights out when the shower was turned on with cold water. A moist Ranko smacked Kato in the stomach in a blow to knock the wind out of him. Kato fell over. Ranko spun around and kicked Akira in the groin and away from the shower controls. She then shut off the cold water and turned the hot water back on. It took four agonizing seconds before the hot water came out of the spigot, but that was more than enough for the guys to be convinced of the terrible truth. The guys got a free show and they wanted more.  
  
Ranma looked at his soaking towel and begun to wring it out. He calmly walked out of the shower to his locker and pulled out a spare towel. He quickly dried himself off and put on his clothes. He took a deep breath. Ranma walked back to the shower area to the stunned men and stood next to the concrete wall.  
  
"If any of you perverts get any funny ideas..." Ranma ki punched a wall and left a noticeable fist sized hole in it. Ranma stormed out of the locker room.  
  
Yoshi turned to the rest of the guys, "Wow. She's a natural red head!" The perverts got into a huddle and began to plan.  
  
  
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Akane was waiting outside for Ranma to come out of the locker room. She was glad that everything was going smoothly. She was wrong. She heard Ranko's scream when the cold water hit her and the quick punches that followed. She gritted her teeth about what must be going on in there. She took a few steps away from the boy's locker room door to avoid any flying bodies that may emerge in the next few seconds. She breathed a sigh of relief after no one seemed to have been hurled into orbit or out the door.  
  
A few minutes passed and then a very irate Ranma emerged. Akane stood alongside her husband and they walked off the school grounds together.  
  
Ranma didn't say a word on the walk home. Akane followed Ranma as he walked on the top of fences and rooftops like they usually do. They got to their apartment and Ranma went straight to the bedroom and plopped down on the bed. Akane closed the front door and sat down beside her husband.  
  
Ranma finally let his guard down. He began to shed a tear. "It's started. The mayhem I thought I left behind is back."  
  
Akane shook her head. She bent down to her husband's ear. "What made you think that the mayhem had ever left?"  
  
"I thought things would be different here."  
  
Akane let out a little laugh, "We're Sailor Scouts. We beat up youma. How is this different from Nerima?"  
  
"It isn't is it?" Ranma turned to his wife.  
  
Akane looked up at the ceiling. "Hmm, I think it's worse."  
  
  
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Author's Notes: None right now.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
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	2. Fine dining

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 2 Fine dining  
  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or feed me Akane's cooking.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
The story so far...  
  
Read chapter #1 or I'll have Ranma kick your butt.  
  
We return you to our regularly scheduled programming.  
  
  
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It was just before five o'clock in the evening and Ranko was putting the finishing touches on her makeup. She still wasn't that comfortable with lipstick but Akane gave her simple pointers on its proper application and use. Ranko adjusted her kimono and made her checklist, purse, makeup, subway tokens and a plastic bottle of cold water.  
  
She was ready to get to the upscale sushi bar she's been working at for the last few days. Ranko smiled in the bathroom mirror. She was happy that Ukyou gave her such a glowing recommendation. It made the difference in getting the waitress job. The Edokko Sushi restaurant was very high class and the pay was good. If she could keep this job for a few months, she could save enough money to pay for the apartment for an entire year. She could then ditch the kimono and spend the time training instead of serving customers.  
  
She batted her eyes in a girlish fashion and then stuck her tongue at her reflection. "Well, here goes." She went to the kitchen to say goodbye to Akane, "See you later tonight dear."  
  
Ranko saw that Akane was seasoning something in the stir-fry wok. Ranko didn't know what was cooking and she didn't want to know. Akane saw Ranma and happily exclaimed, "Ranma, want something to take with you?" Akane tried to speed up cooking the life form otherwise known as dinner to give some to Ranko.  
  
Ranko quickly exited, "I'll grab something at work." She ran at high speed down the hall, down the stairs, out the front door of the apartment building and didn't slow down until she reached the subway station.  
  
There, she sped up. Akane almost caught up with her.  
  
  
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Nabiki exited the subway station near the Tokyo bay waterfront. This was going to be a profitable evening. She had a meeting with Kuno to exchange yen for information. She didn't want to perform the transaction at school. This information was extra juicy and worthy of a meeting at a very expensive restaurant. Kuno of course will be buying. Nabiki grinned. She knew exactly how to manage her pet.  
  
She wore a smart business suit and skirt, heels and looked the part of a lawyer about to show the damning evidence to clinch the case. Only a set of fangs would have made the image of Nabiki fit what she had in mind for the evening. She was going to suck Kuno dry.  
  
She walked the three blocks to the restaurant and found Kuno was nowhere in sight. She checked her watch, and saw she was fifteen minutes early. She checked if there was a reservation for two under the name Kuno. She told the hostess that the table was for her and her companion will be along shortly. She sat down waiting for her victim, uh... her date.  
  
  
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Kuno was in a rickshaw being pulled by Sasuke. Sasuke was getting tired since Tokyo Bay was a long way from Nerima. Kuno of course was no help by insulting Sasuke at every stop. Kuno smugly commanded, "I cannot be late for I have promised the fair Nabiki Tendo that I will grace her presence this evening. Hurry!"  
  
Sasuke grumbled to himself, "For a man with as much money as he, you'd think he could hire a cab." He upped the pace and saw the destination rapidly approach. He turned onto the sidewalk and startled pedestrians as he ran at top speed and stopped in front of the restaurant. Sasuke huffed and puffed and paused a moment to catch his breath. He parked the rickshaw and went over to the side to help Kuno out.  
  
Kuno slightly turned his head to Sasuke, "I wish to disembark."  
  
Sasuke grimaced. There had to be better ways of making a living. He got down on all fours and crouched below the footrest of the rickshaw as a human stepping stool. Kuno stepped out, onto Sasuke and on the sidewalk. "That will be all for now. I shall return in about an hour. I will expect you to be here." Kuno stood tall and entered the restaurant.  
  
Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned to find the rickshaw was moving down the street. Someone had just taken it. Sasuke gave chase. It was not his day.  
  
  
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"Oh, Kuno baby." Nabiki was pleased. Kuno came in and stood in front of her.  
  
Kuno asked, "Have you brought what you have promised me?"  
  
Nabiki gave an all-knowing smile, the kind of smile that sharks show before they eat their young. "Oh, but of course."  
  
"Then, let's have a seat." Kuno went to the hostess to announce his imperial presence and was promptly seated.  
  
Nabiki wasted no time looking at the menu for the most expensive foods they serve. She was going to make Kuno pay through the nose tonight.  
  
Kuno got down to business, "So, you have found the pig-tailed girl?"  
  
Nabiki was beside herself. Kuno had not seen Akane and the pig-tailed girl for months and it drove him crazy. He was almost about to give up when he had seen them at Ryoga's wedding and it rekindled his madness. Nabiki knew that his lust had driven his desire to pay top yen for the location of the objects of his desire. She was not going to pass up this chance. "Why yes, it took a while and I had to call in some favors." Nabiki pulled out an envelope from her purse and pulled out a single photo of Ranko. It was one of her and her mother sitting at the Tendo residence.  
  
Nabiki held the photo with a firm grip and allowed Kuno to see it. "This was taken a few days ago. Now, this photo is only one thousand yen." She held several other photos face down. "These however, are five thousand yen apiece."  
  
Kuno started to sweat. He knew the photos that Nabiki could provide and these photos had a very high asking price. He almost had a nose bleed just thinking about what was on those photos. "And of the location? What are you asking for that?"  
  
Nabiki slid the photos back into the envelope. "Oh Kuno baby. Don't you want these photos?" She turned one so he could see half of the photo. She held her hand over the lower half to cover up what appeared to be a nude photo of Ranko. Nabiki knew she had him hook line and sinker. She just had to keep it going slow and steady to reel him in.  
  
The waitress came by and Nabiki looked up to see a startled Ranko in a beautiful kimono and full makeup. Nabiki bugged her eyes out and shot a glance at Kuno. Kuno was busy staring at the photo of Ranko to notice that she was standing next to him.  
  
Nabiki stuttered, "Uh... I'll have a diet coke."  
  
Kuno without looking up, "I'll have tea. Uh... And the pig-tailed sushi boat..." He was slowly losing himself in a fantasy with himself being showered with love and adoration from his loves, the pig-tailed girl and the fair Akane Tendo.  
  
Nabiki not missing her cue, "I'll have the deluxe sushi combination and the sweet shrimp." She gulped as Ranko took a step backwards, filled out the order and walked briskly back to the kitchen. "Kuno, I've got to powder my nose." She pulled out a picture of Ranko in lingerie and handed it to Kuno.  
  
Kuno drooled slightly, "My love! Come to me so I can hear you profess your undying love." He started to recite bad poetry. Thankfully, Nabiki was out of earshot and didn't hear it.  
  
Nabiki got to the doorway of the kitchen. Ranko was standing there looking frustrated. Nabiki looked at Ranko's attire, "What the hell are YOU doing here?"  
  
"I was going to ask you the same thing!" Ranko glanced back to the booth that Kuno was sitting in. "What are you selling him now?"  
  
"Hey, a girl's got to make a living." Nabiki made it plain she was referring to the both of them.  
  
Ranko clenched her fists. "If you get me fired, I'll make sure you regret it!" Ranko turned to another waitress, "Mariko, could you take care of table 4 for me." She turned to Nabiki and shook her head in disgust.  
  
Mariko grabbed a large tray with food on it, "I can't, I've got table 8 and they are ordering like crazy. I can't image how they could eat so much."  
  
Nabiki smirked, "Yeah, imagine that."  
  
Ranko got the joke and held her fist in front of her, "If you weren't my sister-in-law, I'd..."  
  
Nabiki called her bluff, "Yeah right, like you'd hit a girl." Nabiki turned and went back to Kuno.  
  
Ranko debated on pummeling Nabiki. She decided it wasn't worth it; she fought too hard for this job. She picked up a tray of sushi for table 3. Table 4's meal would be ready in a few minutes. Sigh.  
  
  
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Nabiki pocketed the yen from the third photo sale. She was impressed that she was able to fetch thirty thousand yen for a ten-photo spread of Akane in swimwear. Now it was time for the main event. She glanced over to Ranko and felt just a hint of guilt. She was going to sell out her sister and her husband. If she could squeeze out the price she wanted, it would be worth it. She froze up her soul and went into full ice queen mode. "So Kuno baby, are you ready to know where you can find your pig-tailed goddess?"  
  
Kuno gave a expression of pure delight. He was going to save his beloved. "Where has she been taken?"  
  
Nabiki pulled out a folded sheet of paper. She unfolded it enough to show that it was a map and quickly folded it back up again. "One hundred thousand yen and it's yours."  
  
Kuno gagged on his water. "One hundred thousand yen! You're mad!" Kuno spit out a bit of water and used his napkin to clean himself. "Waitress! I need another napkin."  
  
Ranko saw that Mariko was busy. She gritted her teeth and got the warm moist towels and a few small paper napkins and went to table 4. Nabiki reached over to Kuno and helped him clean himself up. Ranko quickly put down the drinks and the napkins and slid away.  
  
Ranko breathed a sigh of relief. She was glad that Nabiki was trying to keep Kuno from seeing her.  
  
Kuno took a sip of tea. "Waitress, I need lemon." He turned to see where the waitress was but she darted out of sight. "Hmm, the service is sub-par. I'll have remember that when I leave the tip."  
  
Nabiki glanced at Ranko and back to Kuno. "Now where were we? Oh yes, do you want the address? Oh, and to sweeten the deal, my dear sister Akane lives there too. Two for one, can't pass it up."  
  
Kuno gave it serious consideration. Nabiki was asking for a king's ransom for a simple piece of paper. Without the paper, there was the real chance that he would not allow the girls who adored him to gaze upon his manly physique. He could not deny those two lovely vixens a chance to bask in the glory of Tatewaki Kuno. He knew deep down that that foul sorcerer Ranma Saotome was holding these girls captive. He knew that Akane had been tricked into believing that she was Ranma's wife. He had to rescue them.  
  
"Would you take a check?"  
  
"Oh, you know what I want." Nabiki purred like a kitten and gently touched Kuno's hand. "Show me the check, I'll show you some more." She held the folded map in her hand like a poker player holds the cards. She showed nothing, but implied everything.  
  
Kuno gulped. The waitress came by and placed Kuno's meal in front of him. "Ah, finally, we can eat." Nabiki's meal was placed in front of her and Ranko pulled back. Kuno quickly shot a glance at Ranko and then focused on his meal. He got the soy sauce and poured it into the little dipping bowl and froze. He poured until it overflowed and started to stain the tablecloth. He dropped the soy sauce bottle.  
  
Kuno leapt out of his seat and stood in the corridor between the booths. Ranko's danger sense went off the scale. "Pig-tailed girl! It is I! Tatewaki Kuno, the shining star of the Furinkan High School Kendo Club! Your one true love! I see you have come to impersonate a waitress so that you can shower me with your love and to serve me! I am but honored."  
  
Mariko saw Ranko's reaction of pure disgust, "Is he your former boyfriend?"  
  
Ranko replied, "He only exists in my nightmares." Ranko gasped as the patent pending Kuno hug of death was applied to her midsection.  
  
Nabiki started to eat her meal. She took a lesson from the Saotomes and ate rapidly. She had no clue how long the building was going to remain standing.  
  
Ranko was prepared. She screamed, "HELP!!!!"  
  
"Yes my dear pig-tailed girl! I am here to help you escape from this place. Come with me and we shall wed!" Kuno applied even more force to ensure that the love of his life would not be able to be ensnared by the dark sorcerer.  
  
Ranko screamed again, "HELP ME! Get this maniac off of me!"  
  
Kuno looked around, "I do not see Ranma anywhere. I am prepared to fight him off!"  
  
A voice came from the entryway. A girl in a yellow mini-skirt with a blue bow made a pose. "I am Sailor Io. Restaurants are for people to enjoy a good meal and to spend quality time together. The pig-tailed girl does not want to be in your presence. In the name of Io, I will punish you!"  
  
Kuno was in awe. This sailor-suited warrior of love and justice reminded him of Akane Tendo. He had hearts in his eyes. "I am here to protect the pig-tailed girl. If you defeat me, I will date with you."  
  
Sailor Io dropped her jaw. "I have no intention on dating you. Let the girl go!"  
  
"I cannot, she must have the spell cast on her broken so that she can profess her love for me."  
  
Ranko had had enough. She elbowed Kuno and expanded her arms to break his hug. She spun around with a kick sliding him over to Sailor Io. Ranko wiped her hands together and gave a tiny bow towards Kuno.  
  
Sailor Io grabbed Kuno by the scruff of the collar and dragged him to the main lobby. Kuno regained his senses, which wasn't difficult since he never possessed much sense to begin with and groped Io. "I see you care for me as well. I will date with you."  
  
Io clasped both hands together and smacked Kuno on the head. He released his grip and fell to the ground. "Pervert!"  
  
Ranko walked over to Kuno. "Sir, please don't forget to pay the check." She left him the bill.  
  
Kuno leapt up and grabbed Ranko. "You do care for me! You came to see if I was injured!"  
  
Ranko kept her composure, "Will that be cash or credit?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Your meal."  
  
"Oh, pardon me." He pulled out his wallet and handed a wad of yen to Ranko. "Keep the change my love!"  
  
Ranko smirked, "Sailor Io, Mr. Tatewaki Kuno is all yours." Ranko turned back to her tables.  
  
Sailor Io smiled. It was a dark smile, a smile that someone had when they were about to give a severe beating. A beating that they were going to enjoy. "Oh Kuno."  
  
Kuno spun around. "You profess your love?"  
  
Sailor Io stood outside. She gestured him to follow. Kuno complied.  
  
SMACK! POW! BAM! THUD! WHACK! BOOM!  
  
Nabiki finished her meal. She was disappointed that she wasn't able to sell the final piece of merchandise to Kuno, but then she did get a great meal out of him. Ranko stopped by her booth. She set a tempura ice cream in front of her. "That's for at least trying to keep him away from me."  
  
Nabiki smiled, "How long you've been working here?"  
  
"Just a few days. Good job, but please try to keep him away from here." Ranko gave a hint of a smile. "Please."  
  
Nabiki nodded. She finished her ice cream and went outside. She found the crater with Kuno still in it halfway down the block. Sasuke was dragging Kuno up the rim of the crater to a slightly battered rickshaw. Kuno saw Nabiki. "I have your check."  
  
Nabiki pondered it for a moment. She pondered it some more. She produced the map. Everyone had his or her price. Hers was one hundred thousand yen.  
  
  
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Ranko got off work and went to an alley behind the sushi bar. She transformed into Sailor Sun. "Sun Beam Transport!"  
  
Sailor Sun beamed into the Saotome apartment. She almost collapsed onto the floor. "I forgot about the night fatigue." She slumped into the couch and transformed back into Ranko.  
  
Akane was waiting for her. Ranko sarcastically asked, "Was it fun for you?"  
  
Akane stretched on the couch next to Ranko. "I can't think of a time I enjoyed myself more than that."  
  
Ranko thought about the moment she was able to sneak off and call Akane on the Sailor Scout communicator. "It's a good thing I was able to call you. If I had to beat Kuno into submission, I would have been fired for sure."  
  
Akane cracked her knuckles, "We should do that more often."  
  
"I don't think so. By the way, you know your sister sold our address to Kuno."  
  
Akane sighed. "I guess we'll have to punish them. Won't we."  
  
Ranko grinned.  
  
Nabiki was in her bedroom when she had a sneezing attack.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: None right now  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
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	3. Cooking lessons

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 3 Cooking lessons  
  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me write fan fiction.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
The story so far...  
  
Aw c'mon, start from the beginning.  
  
  
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Ranma and Akane were up at the pre-dawn hour and spent the morning sparring on the roof of their apartment building. Both were really going at it by imagining the other was Tatewaki Kuno. After a good workout, it was time to eat breakfast.  
  
Ranma finished up his shower and tried to sneak out. Akane smiled at Ranma, "Honey, breakfast is ready." She put out a bowl on the dinner table and stood by the chair in an expectant pose. Ranma gave a very quiet groan. The things he had to do to keep Akane happy. Why did it involve pain and suffering?  
  
Ranma sat at the table and picked up the spoon in the bowl. He noticed the part of the spoon that was in the substance broke off. Ranma was amazed. He had never seen a glass bowl melt before. Akane served him something she passed off as breakfast and before he could take a bite of it, the material dissolved the bowl and started to eat away at the table. He looked up into the ceiling and silently rejoiced, "Thank you!"  
  
Akane glanced at her husband, "What did you say?"  
  
Ranma had more pressing problems. "Uh... What's going on?" The table was starting to smolder. Ranma pulled his chair back and Akane ran to the kitchen to get some wet paper towels. The two of them tag teamed to wipe away the substance and throw it into the garbage can. The table was saved but the bowl and the cooking pot on the stove were a total loss.  
  
"I guess I'll have to get something on the way to school." He bolted out the door with the trashcan in his arms. It was starting to emit a cloud of smoke.  
  
Akane got out a small paper fan and started to wave away the rancid odor. The smoke detector went off. "Not again!" She fanned the smoke away from the detector to get it to quiet down.  
  
She wondered how in the world could her food do that to the dishes. She'll have to try harder next time.  
  
  
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A bored security guard in the lowest level of the apartment building saw a red light go off on his security panel. He noted that it was the Saotome apartment. He'll wait for ten minutes before calling the fire department. He didn't want yet another false alarm. He went back to his TV show.  
  
  
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Ranma was a man with a mission. He needed to save the lives of everyone in the apartment complex. He barely made it to the dumpster in time. He tossed the garbage can into the steel bin and it exploded inside. Ranma brushed himself off and shook his head. Last time, breakfast only froze into a block of ice. Before that, it glowed in an intense beam of light that lasted for five minutes and then it faded away to nothingness. Before that the trash can simply imploded. It was time to buy another weeks supply of trashcans. He missed Akane's cooking at the Tendo residence. There it just simply tasted bad. Kasumi must have been fixing Akane's cooking to minimize the damage to the kitchen.  
  
Ranma walked alone to school. Akane was going to be busy telling the fire department that it was a false alarm. He felt a little lonely since it was very rare that he didn't have Akane beside him or right behind him. He had to talk to Makoto. Maybe she and Ami could work on giving a cure to Akane's ability to turn normal household items into weapons of mass destruction banned in most countries.  
  
He thought of his mother. He smiled thinking about the times she spent with him. He decided to visit her tonight. It was his day off from work and it had been almost a week since he saw her last. He wanted to have his mother stay with them in Juuban, but the apartment was too small and his dad might tag along. Ranma was happy his dad wasn't around. He missed the sparring sessions but not much else about the panda. Purina Panda Chow was had to come by.  
  
He was about a block away from the main entrance of Juuban High School when he stopped dead in his tracks. He felt a presence ahead. It was a dark presence. It was a very dark presence. It was a very familiar dark presence. It was coming this way.  
  
"What a haul!" Screamed the little old freak with a small group of irate girls chasing him. Ranma groaned. He didn't want to deal with this right now.  
  
Ranma jumped over the stone wall protecting the school. He heard Happosai and his admirers run by. He leaned his back against the wall and looked up into the sky. "Why is he here? What have you got against me?"  
  
In response, a thunderclap sounded and a small cloudburst occurred. The storm lasted only five seconds. A soaked Ranko spit out the water from her mouth. She sighed. "Well how could it get worse?"  
  
"Ranma! Nice to see you! And you changed just for me! I'm touched!" Happosai then went literal and started touching Ranko where females were not meant to be touched. Ranko held her book bag high and smashed the freak into the ground. She stomped on him several times to get the aggression out of her. A small bomb appeared right in front of Ranko. Ranko tried to bat it away but it exploded hurling her into the school retaining wall. She slid down to the ground.  
  
Happosai healed instantly and hopped out of the hole that Ranko made just for him. "How dare you treat your master in such a rude manner!" He flared up his battle aura and prepared to dole out some punishment to Ranko. He charged.  
  
Ranko leapt out of the way and Happosai bounced off the wall and landed on Ranko's back. He groped around and got a feel for Ranko's breasts. Ranko jumped with her back to the wall to crush the pervert. Happosai didn't let go, he was having too much fun fondling Ranko that he took the full force of the crushing blow and had the wind knocked out of him. Happosai was flat as a pancake and stuck to the wall.  
  
Ranko pulled herself away from the wall and admired her handiwork. "That will teach you!" She turned to walk away when she saw a small crowd of girls looking at her. "What do you want?"  
  
"I want my panties you stole!"  
  
"I want my bra back!"  
  
Ranko looked at the girls and told them, "Ask the old freak. I didn't do anything."   
  
Naru looked at Ranko, "How could you!" She walked up to Ranko and pulled a bra off of her shirtsleeve. "You are in league with that foul creature!"   
  
Ranko took notice and saw that somehow Happosai had draped several women's undergarments on her without her noticing. She spun around and marched over to the flapjack known as Happosai. Just before she was about to punch his lights out he inflated and tossed yet another firecracker at Ranko. She jumped out of the way and the firecracker landed near the girls. The girls scattered.  
  
"Now you know why I am the master young pupil!" Happosai laughed his fool head off as he reached down, grabbed his loot bag, threw some more underwear on Ranko and ran away. "There is your share!" He made sure the girls heard that comment before he ran out of sight.  
  
Ranko was red with fury. She was about to give chase when a girl with a rake tripped her. "You were helping him!" Ranko didn't want to hit these girls so she took the beating like a man.  
  
She managed to squirm away with only minor fractures and bruises. Nothing that Ranko wasn't used to. She grabbed her book bag and leapt over the wall to safety.  
  
Naru and the other girls collected the few articles of clothing Happosai left behind. Naru was impressed. The only person she knew other than the Scouts that could jump that high was Ranma. She remembered that Usagi mentioned that Ranma had a cousin named Ranko. She felt bad. She realized that they were tricked by the dirty old man.  
  
  
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"That little freak..." Ranko ran to an alley. She used her Senshi senses to check if the coast was clear. It wasn't.  
  
"Hey Ranko! What are you doing here?" It was Makoto. She heard the commotion and came to offer some assistance.  
  
"I'm going to punish someone! Stand back! Sun Star Power, Make up!" She transformed into Sailor Sun.  
  
Makoto looked around, "Where is the youma? I don't feel any... Oh..." She felt the evil. The pure evil only found in one human being, if you could call it human. Makoto transformed into Sailor Jupiter.  
  
Sailors Sun and Jupiter hopped onto the rooftops on the way to a certain perverted form of life. It must be punished.  
  
  
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"Are you sure master that the pig-tailed girl is at this high school?" Sasuke asked. He was tired pulling the rickshaw from Nerima to Juuban again.  
  
Tatewaki proudly pronounced, "Yes, Nabiki is one thing above all else and that is honest. She has never failed to provide me accurate information and I don't believe she has failed me now."  
  
"But master, shouldn't you be in school today?"  
  
"I have arranged with my father to be excused for today so that I can settle my affairs. Once I have dealt with that wretched Saotome, the pig-tailed girl will be grateful of my heroics in releasing her from her enslavement." Kuno drifted off to Fantasy Island in his mind again.  
  
"Master, the girl has a name. It's Ran..." Sasuke saw a lighting bolt hit a building two blocks down the street from the high school. "Master, what is going on over there?" He saw a small figure running across the street and a fireball exploded near him. The man was hurled in their direction.   
  
Sasuke saw the little man go flying down the street with a trail of smoke following him. He turned back to the direction of the blast and saw two Sailor Senshi running up the street after the little man.  
  
Kuno stood up in the rickshaw. He wanted to see these girls. The first that came was wearing a green mini-skirt and yelled "Supreme Thunder" as she ran by. A bolt of lightning came from her tiara and down the street. The second girl was wearing a red mini-skirt and shot a surprised glance at Kuno as she passed them. She turned her head to look at Kuno and ran straight into a light pole. She bounced off, shook her head and ran off after her companion.  
  
Kuno was amazed at the vision of loveliness that he was graced with. The girl reminded him of the pig-tailed goddess. She had a flaming mane of beautiful red hair and blue eyes. "She gazed at me! She found me attractive! Sasuke! What is that girl's name?"  
  
"Uh, Sailor something. They all look alike to me. I think they are color coded."  
  
Kuno sat in his rickshaw. "I must ask Nabiki Tendo for information on these Sailors. Sasuke! Home!"  
  
Sasuke lifted the legs of the rickshaw and started jogging home. He muttered to himself so no one else could hear, "Master, you can be so fickle sometimes. No, you are fickle all of the time."  
  
Another man noticed the whole event and took several photos of the two Senshi. He walked over to the pole and took pictures of the Sailor Sun shaped dent in it. He continued to take pictures of the crater and lighting strike impacts. He put away his camera and left.  
  
  
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Happosai was cowering in a corner. Two very pissed off Senshi were towering over him. He didn't exactly mind the view.  
  
Sailor Jupiter glowered over him. Her arms were in front of her ready to cast a spell, "Any last words?"  
  
"Yeah, Happo Daikarin!" He threw a firecracker at the Senshi. The two Senshi easily dodged the firecracker and Sun grabbed Happosai as he tried to escape. She held him out at arms length. She held her free hand out and produced a small ball of fire in it.   
  
Sun pitched Happosai into the sky and called out, "Searing Plasma Blast!" She threw her fireball at the little freak and the explosion sent him skyward toward Tokyo Bay.  
  
Jupiter took aim, "Supreme Thunder Dragon!" A lighting bolt came from her hands and a bright flash was seen from Happosai's distant image.  
  
"That freak doesn't seem to learn!" Sun gasped.  
  
"Maybe this time he'll stay out of Juuban." Jupiter looked around and found Happosai's loot bag. "What do we do with this?"  
  
"Drop it off at lost and found at school. Let's first change back though." Sun changed back to Ranko. Jupiter changed back as well.  
  
The two girls started walking back to school. Makoto noticed that Ranko was wearing her red shirt and black pants. "Why were you Ranko anyways? You aren't wearing the right uniform if you are coming to school like that."  
  
"I got hit with rain."  
  
"Rain? There wasn't any rain." Makoto looked up at the sky. There were clouds but they were all white and fluffy.  
  
Ranko sighed, "It rains on me from time to time." She glanced at Makoto, "I'm certain the beings that created Jusenkyo are enjoying themselves."  
  
"It rained on you?" Makoto looked at the sky again.  
  
Ranko stopped. She realized she forgot the thermos she had in her bag. She gave a happy smile and pulled out the broken thermos. She gave a sad frown and cursed. "I must have broken it when I hit Happosai."  
  
"We'll find some hot water. In the meantime, do you have a bra?"  
  
Ranko looked down at her chest. She didn't want to go dressed like this. She was actually developing feminine modesty. "Uh... No."  
  
Makoto looked in the garment bag and found a bra that was Ranko's size. "Here, put this on."  
  
Ranko shrugged. She slipped the bra under her shirt and put it on without showing anything private. "Thanks. However with my luck..."  
  
SPLASH!  
  
Ranma gasped as the bra strangled him. Akane stood behind Ranma with a thermos. "There you go Ranma. All fixed up!" Akane gave a happy smile.  
  
Ranma sucked in his chest to allow him to unclasp the bra. He slid it out from under his shirt and held it out to Makoto. She took it and put it back in the bag. Ranma thought, "Could it get any worse?"  
  
Kato called out, "See, I told you he is gay!!" Yoshi, Kato and Akira laughed and walked off to school.  
  
Ranma looked up at the sky. "Why do you hate me?"  
  
  
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By lunchtime, the school was awash with rumors of Ranma's curse, his sexual orientation and whether he was born a girl. Blissfully, Ranma was unaware of the gossip being spoken behind his back. He did manage to avoid two water balloon attacks and a squirt gun. He was called to the principal's office before lunch break.  
  
Ranma's gym teacher and the principal were meeting with Ranma to arrange for his special needs. "Mr. Saotome, we cannot excuse you from gym class, however we will reserve a private shower stall for you away from the other students. Will this be acceptable?"  
  
Ranma perked up. "Yes. As long as I don't have to share a shower with anyone, I'll be fine."  
  
The principal was pleased that this problem can be fixed, "It's settled then."  
  
The gym teacher spoke next, "I've watched you run yesterday. I must say. I am impressed with your performance. I was wondering if you'd consider joining our volleyball team."  
  
Ranma smiled, he wanted to join a sporting team. It would help keep his body in shape. He thought about his job. He couldn't allow the team to interfere with the days he was scheduled to go to work. He really sank into his chair. Juuban only had a women's volleyball team. "Uh, you mean the men's team, right?"  
  
"Well actually..."  
  
"Did Minako put you up to this?"  
  
He glanced at the wall and around the room, "Well she did recommend you, and you are physically female when you change and there is nothing in the rule book that prohibits your participation and the finals are coming up and..."  
  
"I get the point." Ranma put his head down into his hand. "Let me think about it first. Ok?"  
  
"Well, the team is practicing after school today. I'd like for you to join us. Do you have a female gym uniform?"  
  
Ranma groaned, "Yes."  
  
The teacher was showing signs of joy. He was beginning to think that Juuban might come in with a championship. Minako couldn't stop talking about how good Ranko was. "Great! Can you come to practice?"  
  
"I said I'd think about it. I didn't say I'd do it."  
  
"Oh, Minako said your name was Ranko when you are a girl."  
  
Ranma wondered exactly how much did Minako tell the coach. "Yes. It is."  
  
"Ok. Thanks. See you at practice." The gym teacher started humming and left the room.  
  
"He doesn't hear very well. I said I'd think about it." Ranma buried his face in both hands.  
  
"Here is your hall pass. Good day Mr. Saotome." The principal gave a tiny bow and went back to his desk.  
  
  
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Lunchtime under the official shade tree of the Sailor Senshi, it was feeding time and much food was consumed, mostly by Ranma and Usagi. Minako kept giving guilty glances to Ranma between bites of her bento.  
  
"Minako, why did you tell the coach about me?" Ranma opened his lunch from the cafeteria.  
  
"I know how good you are. With you on the team, we can't lose! We are so close to winning the championship." Minako pleaded, "C'mon, at least you can come to practice today."  
  
Akane sat closer, "I'd like to try. Can I come to practice too?"  
  
"Sure, why not? How are you at playing volleyball?"  
  
Akane used to be clumsy, but since her intense martial arts training in the last few months, she had developed a grace that only a true warrior could attain. "I think I can do it."  
  
"Great! Well, see you at practice and if you and Ranma, er... Ranko are good enough we can get you on the team."  
  
Ranma shook his head. Akane was excited, Ranma gave a little smile back at Akane, if she was there, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Ranma looked over to Makoto, "Makoto, I was wondering. Could you show Akane some of your recipes and give her some pointers in the kitchen?"  
  
Akane stopped being excited and wondered what mallet she should produce. Should she use the large one? The medium sized one? Or shall she just rely on random chance and grab the first one she can find in mallet space.  
  
Makoto clasped her hands together, "Why I'd love to. Akane, wanna come to my place after practice and help me cook dinner?"  
  
"I'd love to!" Akane was overjoyed. She closed the portal to mallet space. Ranma didn't need to die today.  
  
"Wanna help... Ranko?" Makoto gave a cute smile.  
  
Ranma held his hands under his face in a girlish pose. He spoke with an air of sarcasm, "Oh but of course! Akane can't survive in the kitchen without me!" He batted his eyes.  
  
Akira called out, "See he really is gay!" He ran off with his friends.  
  
Ranma closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "ARGH!" He thought, "Leave me alone will you." Ranma shot a glance at the sky for any sign of a cloudburst. He was still dry, for now. "Whew!"  
  
A water balloon almost hit Ranma. Akane caught it and threw it back to Yoshi and got him soaked.  
  
"Thanks Akane."  
  
Akane gave a knowing smile, "Don't mention it Ranko!" She should have let him get soaked on purpose. But for some reason she felt good protecting him for a change.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Gym class came and went. True to the teacher's word, there was an extra shower stall away from the main gym that was reserved for coaches and Ranma had complete use of it in private. He used his Senshi sense to make sure that no one was around and he took his shower. He was glad that he could retain at least a fragment of his dignity. He saw the coach confiscate the squirt gun that Yoshi tried to sneak near Ranma during the morning calisthenics. Juuban High School, he liked it here.  
  
Ranma finished his shower and hit himself with a splash of cold water from the shower before turning it off. Ranko dried herself off and put on her female gym uniform. She put on the knee and elbow pads and grabbed her gym bag. It was time to try women's volleyball. She thought, "How did I allow Minako to talk me into this?"  
  
Ranko went to the gymnasium where the indoor volleyball court was. She met up with all the other girls. Minako introduced Ranko to her teammates. Ranko could tell the team wasn't that thrilled at seeing Ranko and Akane at practice. It took a few minutes for Ranko to realize that for her to join the team, someone had to get bumped. She wasn't very comfortable with that thought. Minako and the coach must really want to win the championship if they wanted to bring Ranko in the mid-season.  
  
"Ok, Ranko, you are on my side. Akane, go on the other side. Let's see what you can do." Minako took her position near the rear to serve the ball. The coach blew the whistle and the game began.  
  
In seconds Akane smacked the ball back over the net. Yuka hit the ball back and Yoko tossed it to Akane who slammed it again over the net to Ranko. Ranko ran forward and smacked the ball with just a hint of ki to add speed. Akane saw through that and ran up to the net and slammed it back.  
  
Ranko yelled, "KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN" and quickly threw the ball back at Akane. Akane shouted, "KACHUU TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN" as well and the two girls bounced the ball at each other in such a high-speed fashion that the ball was nothing more than a solid white blur.  
  
Minako's jaw dropped. The coach was getting whiplash watching the ball being pummeled back and forth between the combatants. Akane started throwing the ball in random directions around the net but Ranko was moving quickly to catch and throw the ball back and increased the pace. Ranko then leapt up to try to get a height advantage but Akane jumped as well. Akane hit the ball beyond Ranko's reach and it flew over her head, beyond the back of the court, out of bounds and through the back wall.  
  
Ranko spun around to see where the ball went and cried out in joy when she saw that Akane caused a foul. "I win!" She jumped up and down for joy.  
  
Akane caught her breath. "Let's do that again!"  
  
The coach dropped the ball he was holding. Minako couldn't believe what she saw. The other team members were looking at the volleyball shaped hole in the wall. The team encircled Ranko and Akane and cheered. The coach slowly turned to Minako, "You say they are from Nerima? We should get some more players from there."  
  
Minako ran over to Ranko and Akane, "Welcome to the team!"  
  
  
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Ranma, Akane, and Makoto walked together to Makoto's apartment. Makoto had heard that the two made the volleyball team, "It's great! I knew Juuban had a decent shot, but now with you two, we can't lose!"  
  
Akane felt so proud of herself, "Minako couldn't stop dancing around. The coach was already picking out the place in the school trophy case where he wanted the trophy to sit."  
  
Ranma was more interested in another matter, "I'm just concerned that I might be disqualified. After all, I'm a guy. Guys can't be on a women's team."  
  
Makoto wasn't that concerned, "Well, isn't that why Minako had you join the team as Ranko. I mean, you are a girl when you change."  
  
"Yeah, and if someone hits me with hot water on the court, I will look stupid in my uniform."  
  
"That's why we'll have bottles of cold water handy. Besides, hot water is a lot harder to come by."  
  
"Don't remind me." Ranma paused, "Oh man, not them again." He turned around and saw the pervert squad trying to hide behind a bush.  
  
Ranma turned to Akane, "It's those jerks again." Ranma pretended not to notice them. They came out of their hiding place and started following Ranma again. Ranma opened his gym bag. He started rummaging through it. He found a smaller bag inside and gave a smile.  
  
Akane glanced at Ranma's small bag. "What are you going to do?"  
  
He gave an evil smile, "I'm a warrior of love and justice aren't I? Time for some justice." He spun around and ran to the pervert squad and had all three knocked unconscious in less than two seconds. He stood over the bodies and looked up at the nearest tree. He looked down at the three and produced his small purse and camera from his backpack. "Yes, time for a little justice."  
  
  
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"No Akane, that's vinegar." Makoto just couldn't believe how Akane couldn't follow simple directions. She wanted Akane to try cooking a casserole, but just greasing the pan properly seemed to be beyond her. She decided to have her bake a cake, but she kept confusing the salt and the sugar. Now, she was teaching her a simple vegetable stir-fry and she tried to use vinegar instead of cooking oil in the wok. The only thing that Akane seemed capable of doing was boil water. She at least seemed to have mastered that skill.  
  
Ranma was sitting on the couch. He was already malleted twice for critiquing Akane's cooking and decided to stay out of the battleground known as the kitchen. He was preparing himself for the final attack, the meal itself.  
  
"ARGH!" Makoto wanted to pound her head into the wall. Akane cut up the vegetables so violently that she sliced up the cutting board and mixed the wood with the celery. "Akane! That was my best cutting board!"  
  
"I guess it was defective." Akane shrugged.  
  
"It was not defective! I've had that board for two years." Makoto was frustrated.  
  
Akane got discouraged. She put down the cutting knife and slumped on a kitchen stool. She slowly started to cry. "I'm sorry. I... I..."  
  
Ranma heard Akane's words and came to her side. Akane looked up to him, "Oh Ranma... I'm such a failure." She put her head into Ranma's chest. "I want to be a good wife."  
  
Ranma held her and gave her a hug. Makoto felt guilty for yelling at Akane. She picked up the ruined cutting board and watched it completely disintegrate in her hands.   
  
Makoto looked at Akane and then examined the cutting board pieces. "Akane, why did you hit the board so hard?"  
  
Akane paused for a moment and pressed the side of her head into Ranma's chest. "I was just trying to cut the vegetables like you asked."  
  
Makoto kept looking at the board fragments. "You only need just a hint of pressure with the knife to cut a carrot. You really need to control your strength." Makoto went to a lower cabinet and got the spare cutting board. She had an idea and wanted to see if it would work. "Akane, come here."  
  
Akane looked up at Ranma who smiled a smile of encouragement. Akane stood next to Makoto. Makoto took a carrot and placed it on the cutting board. She held the knife. "Now, as a martial artist, I always must keep focus and control. I must only use just enough force to defeat my opponent." She made a gentle strike and cut the carrot in two. "Now, you try."  
  
Akane took the knife that Makoto offered. Akane looked at the two carrot halves. Makoto stood behind Akane. She whispered, "Keep control to defeat your opponent. Now, cut the carrot."  
  
Akane cleared her mind and thought of what a carrot really was. Soft, weak and it won't move. She brought down the knife and cut one of the pieces in two without damaging the cutting board. "I did it!"  
  
Makoto wasn't convinced yet. "Let's do that again!"  
  
"Again! Again! Again!"  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
A very full Ranma finally was able to utter, "Now THAT was a meal!"  
  
Makoto got up to start cleaning up the table. "Yes it was. Everything was delicious."  
  
Akane still couldn't take her eyes off the salad bowl. She still destroyed the vegetable stir-fry, but she was able to master the art of a salad. It was a step in the right direction. Someday, Akane was going to learn to cook. She may never be as good as Makoto. But she was going to make her mother and her husband proud.  
  
"Well, thanks for having us over." Ranma got up. He thought about visiting his mother again, but he decided to do it tomorrow right after school. He was just too stuffed, which for Ranma was an accomplishment in itself.  
  
The Saotomes went out the door to walk home. Ranma wondered whatever happened to the perverts.  
  
  
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Yoshi, Akira and Kato were hanging from a tree. The fireman in the cherry picker alongside them was examining the rope that held them in place. The fireman was wondering how in the world did anyone carry these three people up so high. The fireman assured the group that they will be cut down in due time, "Don't worry miss, we'll have you down shortly."  
  
The three men shot a collective icy stare at the fireman. The three had their hair done in bows, full makeup applied including lipstick, blush and mascara. There was a sign hanging below them reading, "Bad girls. Yoshiko, Kako-chan and Akirako."  
  
On the ground was large cardboard sign with their phone numbers. Ranma was able to find the information from their wallets. Hanging around Nabiki actually did help in Ranma's training.  
  
The three called out, "Ranma Saotome! Prepare to DIE!"  
  
  
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Author's Notes: None right now.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	4. Happosai, I choose you!

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 4 Happosai, I choose you!  
  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me wear a Sailor fuku. My wife on the other hand, she might look cute in one.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
The story so far...  
  
Go away, leave me alone, you have no friends!  
  
  
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Happosai was pouring through his collection of ancient scrolls and forbidden books. He was looking for just the right incantation of dark magic to make an example out of Ranma. "Somehow," the dark little pervert thought, "he has made an alliance with the Sailor Scouts. He didn't even have the decency to invite his old master! Oh, the skirts! Spandex! Pretty l-l-ladies!"  
  
He turned the page of the book. Should he cast a spell for poison apples? No, Akane would kiss him and wake him up. A spell to prick his finger and kill him? No, Akane would kiss him and revive him. Should he cast a spell to turn him into a frog? No, Akane would kiss him and change him back. What's with this kissing business?  
  
Should he cast a spell for shrinking him? He thought of stepping on him like a bug. That made the old geezer happy. He frowned thinking about a bug sized Ranma crawling up his pants and ki blasting his private parts. He shivered at the idea. He tossed the book aside.  
  
He unsealed a scroll that had evil vibrations emitting from it. He read the title. "101 uses for a dead dragon." Darn, dragons were hard to come by this day and age.  
  
He tossed the scroll down. There must be something that would make Ranma finally understand that he must obey and respect the will of Happosai. He grinned. He reached for his Moxibustion tome and opened it. It fell apart from age. Happosai screamed in anguish. He slammed the book closed and it fell into a pile of dust.  
  
He found another nasty looking book called "The Necronomicon." He picked it up and looked at the cover. It was bound in human flesh and was written in blood. He gleefully opened it. An undead zombie appeared in the room, "I want to eat your brain!"  
  
Happosai closed the book and saw on the cover his mistake. He read the words that were on the post-it note taped there. He chanted "Klatuu, Barada, Nikto!" The zombie and the book disappeared. "Drat! There was some good stuff in there!"  
  
He stomped up and down in the center of his room. He paused for a moment and jumped into the closet and dragged out a large wooden chest. He pushed the dirty magazines off of it and inserted an arcane key into the lock. He popped it open and blew away the dust off the edges of the chest. He peered inside.  
  
The chest contained simple pieces of jewelry and several small boxes. Some had wards glued onto them. Happosai was pleased. He pulled out some of the boxes and selected one with a really nasty and complicated ward on it. Whatever was contained in this box, someone went to a lot of trouble to seal it.  
  
Happosai didn't bother to read the warning on the bottom of the box. He made a pentagram of protection in the center of the room and removed the seal. The box shook and popped out of Happosai's hands and fell on the floor.  
  
The box opened and a plume of fire erupted and formed into a giant demon that barely fit in the room. Its horns were dark reddish gray and were shaped like the horns of a bull. The creatures hoofed feet cracked the floor and the pitch black eyes gazed at Happosai. The demon bellowed in a deep voice from the pits of despair, "I am the bringer of sorrow and PAIN! Who dares summon me?"  
  
Happosai was beside himself in glee. "It is I who brought you this plane of existence!"  
  
The demon stared at Happosai. It saw the pentagram and thought what sort of fool this man must have been. The demon was far more powerful than the protection of a pentagram could offer. At any moment, the demon could rip the old man into small pieces. It sensed the aura of the lecher and found that his soul was dark and evil. The demon wanted to see what did the old man have in mind. "What boon do you offer me?"  
  
"I'm the one making the demands here!" Happosai took a step forward but quickly hopped back to the center of the pentagram.  
  
The demon gave a toothy grin. It made a small bow. "What is your demand?" The creature of evil thought about boiling Happosai in oil before devouring his soul.  
  
"I want someone to learn the lesson of humility! I want him to suffer!" Happosai got a dark look in his eyes. He wanted to get even.  
  
The demon perked up with the mention of the word 'suffer'. "Who is the one who will walk the path of pain?"  
  
"His name is Ranma Saotome." Happosai pulled out a photo of the pig-tailed martial artist. "This is he."  
  
"Do you have something of his? I need his aura." The dark creature asked.  
  
Happosai smiled. He only had one thing. It was a sacrifice, but it would be worth it. He pulled out a bra that Ranma owned. He stole it from 'her' a few days ago.  
  
The demon took the bra and studied it. He looked at the photo and concentrated. "Oh, Jusenkyo. I see." The creature gazed at Happosai and read his soul's darkest desires and needs. It felt the aura from the bra and found what would cause Ranma the most pain and suffering. It then gazed at Happosai again. It knew what to do. "I will do as you ask."  
  
Happosai was overjoyed. He wanted to celebrate his upcoming victory. His victory dance was cut short as the demon's huge hand with giant sharp fingernails clamped onto his head.  
  
The foul creature made its wants known. "Now, on the subject of price." The demon applied pressure to Happosai's head to make a point. It had just enough force to cause pain, but not enough to pop his head like a melon. "This is what it will cost you."  
  
Happosai couldn't believe what the demon demanded. He screamed, "NOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT!!!!"  
  
The demon laughed. "Yes, that."  
  
  
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Ami heard a beep from her Sailor computer. She opened it up and found a youma alert on it. She typed a few commands to find the location of the youma but after a few minutes it disappeared. She scanned the area to the north where the evil was coming from and found no trace of it. She got on her communicator and send a text message to Usagi about what just happened. She will bring it up at lunch. Ami was concerned that the negaverse might be coming back.  
  
  
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Sailor Sun was disappointed. She was concentrating her teleportation magic on Death Valley California. She used to take Sailor Io with her to train martial arts techniques as Senshi but the training grounds in the desert had been overrun with military sharpshooters. They had been camped out there for weeks. She knew that they were waiting for her and Io to show up so that they could capture them.  
  
Sailor Io was sitting on the couch. "So, we're not going eh?" She pulled out some travel brochures that she got at the travel agency and started leafing through them. "How about the Mongolian Desert? Or how about the Australian Outback? We really don't have to go to California."  
  
Sun broke her concentration. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I really liked it there. The terrain was perfect." She picked up a brochure and turned to the map. She concentrated and saw an image of a barren mountainside. "Hmm, this looks good for training." She held her arms out and Io hopped in front of Sun and held on. "Sun Beam Transport!"  
  
The two Senshi appeared on a barren landscape. The ground was very uneven and it was solid black rock. A reddish glow can be seen coming from cracks in the earth. There was a low rumbling sound. Io noticed a familiar odor. She looked at her gloved hands and smelled them. "I don't remember casting Lava Blast recently."  
  
Sun turned around and saw where the smell was coming from. They were standing on Mt. Kilauea, an active volcano in Hawaii. Lava was bubbling from the crater just behind them. Sun gasped, "Whoops!"  
  
Io turned and saw what Sun saw. She glared at her husband. "You screwed up the teleport again? Didn't you?"  
  
Sun made a sheepish grin and gently held her wife. "Uh... Sun Beam Transport?" They flashed back home.  
  
The two returned back in the living room of their apartment. Io pushed Sun onto the couch. She picked up the brochure from the table and read it out loud for Sun. "See the wonders of Hawaii!" She saw the pictures of beautiful plants and animals on the cover. She opened the brochure and read aloud, "Take a scenic helicopter flight over active volcanoes." She turned her eyes away from the paper and looked Sun in the eye. "It was a map of the volcano you JERK!"  
  
She crumpled up the map and threw it at Sailor Sun. She transformed back to Akane. "I'll see you on the roof." She hopped out to the balcony and ki jumped up and out of sight. Ranko followed and jumped to the roof.  
  
Akane was sitting in a lotus position in meditation. She was not doing a kata or in a fighting stance. Ranko was puzzled for a moment and then turned to the edge of the roof. She posed for the picture. She posed again. She held out her fingers in a 'V' sign. She could see in the distance a man with a telephoto lens on a camera aimed in their direction. She couldn't tell who this guy was. She could sense him but she had never met this person before.  
  
Ranko went over to Akane and sat next to her. She sat and meditated as well. "So Akane, how long has that guy been there?"  
  
Akane keeping up appearances whispered back, "He just got there. I saw him just set up his camera when I got to the balcony. Do you know him?"  
  
"Nope. Never saw him before in my life."  
  
"Could he be someone Kuno or Nabiki hired to spy on us?"  
  
Ranko contemplated it, "It's not Nabiki's style. She would just barge in. Besides, she has enough photos of us stashed away and she is really good with Photoshop. Kuno on the other hand." Ranko stared at the man while pretending to perform yoga, "I doubt it was Kuno. He would send Sasuke or another ninja."  
  
"Wanna just go and ask him?" Akane smiled.  
  
"Not yet. But we'd better keep our guard up." Ranko relaxed. "You know, I kinda like yoga. We got about thirty minutes to kill."  
  
Akane pulled out a towel she used to wipe away her sweat and tossed it to Ranko. Ranko turned to notice that Akane had laid out a towel and was sitting on it instead of dirtying her clothes on the tar-covered roof. Ranko finally noticed her pants had tar stains on the seat. "Great..." She laid the towel on the roof and sat down again.  
  
Akane smirked, "If we are going to do yoga, we should be dressed for it."  
  
Ranko sighed, "Leotards?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Ranko smirked, "They make me look fat."  
  
"Makes better pictures though." Akane giggled.  
  
For the next thirty minutes, both girls controlled their breathing and relaxed. Occasionally looking at their fan to see when he would turn his camera away. He stayed put. The two girls ended their session and climbed down via the fire escape back to the apartment.  
  
  
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The Saotomes walked hand in hand to high school. They took careful notice of their surroundings, much more than they usually do. Neither noticed anything unusual. Breathing a collective sigh of relief, they entered the front gates and on to class.  
  
They didn't notice the small dark figure hiding in the bushes. It wasn't really interested in them. Yet.  
  
  
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The pervert squad arrived at school. Yoshi looked at Akira in amazement, "You got grounded for a month!"  
  
"What did you expect? My dad was there when they cut us down!" Akira still was shivering from the yelling he got for the embarrassing position he was in the night before.  
  
"Oh yeah. I forgot." Yoshi remembered how he was busy using his shirt to wipe away all the makeup only to find when he got home that his nails were a bright red in color. He was able to hide this fact from his parents and spent a good part of the night sanding off the nail polish. He didn't know about the wonders of acetone.  
  
Kato was not lucky either. "Well, I got home and my dad already got a call from his friend who saw the whole thing. I had to do some fast-talking to keep him from taking me to the ocean and demanding that I have the waves claim me. Grrr!"  
  
"Oh boys!" A gentle voice came from nowhere and yet from everywhere. The three looked around and saw nothing.  
  
Yoshi was still looking for the source of the sound, "Did you hear that?"  
  
"Yeah, what was that?" Kato looked at the school entrance and saw nothing.  
  
The voice was soft like the morning breeze. It was a male voice and it was calm, reassuring, and spoke in a manner that gave a feeling of trust. "Boys! Do you want to get revenge on Ranma?"  
  
The boys looked at each other and slowly nodded to no one in particular.  
  
"Then come here after school. Meet me at the front entrance of the school. Tell no one. I will show you how to make Ranma pay."   
  
Yoshi shrugged, "Ok, whoever you are." The others agreed. They were also pretty weirded out.  
  
  
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"A youma!" The scouts had to keep their voices down or the whole school would know that the defenders of love and justice ate their lunch at Juuban High School.  
  
Ami showed the area on her little computer. "It was in the Nerima area. I was about to get its location when it disappeared."  
  
Makoto was not amused, "How could a youma disappear? Was there a portal?"  
  
Ami mused, "That is the strange thing. There was no portal. I would have detected it first, and there was no portal appearing before the thing disappeared."  
  
Ranma gave a suggestion, "You said it was in Nerima?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well there is your answer. Shampoo and Mousse could have easily dusted it. Heck, Ukyou would have sliced it in half with her spatula and Cologne would have scared it to death."  
  
Akane rolled her eyes.  
  
Minako turned to Ami, "Could someone have killed it?"  
  
Ami gave out a small sigh, "That is possible. If people in Nerima are anything like you two," she glanced at Ranma and Akane, "then maybe it was killed."  
  
Ranma laid back on the grass, "Maybe Nabiki froze it to death with her ice queen stare."  
  
Akane threw her empty juice box at Ranma's head.  
  
Usagi leaned over to Akane, "Your sister has Senshi powers too?"  
  
All the other girls gave a collective groan with Akane leading them. Akane faced Usagi, "No, my sister doesn't have magic powers." Akane turned to Ranma, "That's how rumors get started."  
  
Ranma stretched out, "And your sister is the one who will sell it to the highest bidder."  
  
  
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The coach was wondering how did the two newest team members learn to play volleyball like they did. Akane was a natural and she already played on the team at Furinkan. She was a great team player. Her 'cousin' however was a loose cannon and needed to be constantly reminded that there are other girls on the team and she didn't need to grab the ball every time it went over the net. He pulled Minako aside, "Minako, Ranko has great skill and talent but if she can't play as a team member, she can't play."  
  
Minako sadly agreed. She couldn't tell the coach that as a Senshi, Ranko did show great teamwork. Ranko also did do things her own way. The coach blew the whistle to stop the current session.  
  
Ranko hopped over to Minako, leaving behind several bored team members who never got a chance to get the ball. "I was great wasn't I?"   
  
Minako took Ranko's hand and gently pulled her aside. "Look Ranko, you need to stop showing off and hogging the ball. You are on a volleyball team. Please note the word 'team'. This isn't a one on one match."  
  
"But they aren't as fast as I am." Ranko crossed her arms and gave a look of superiority that only Ranko could give.  
  
Minako gave Ranko the lecture. "So? They each have an area of the court they need to protect. You need to stay in your area and stop running around like a greased pig on a skillet. You need to trust your teammates."  
  
"But I'm better!"  
  
"You have five other team members who would like to get better as well. They can't because you won't let them get the ball."  
  
Ranko turned to look back at the other girls, "But they're just girls..."  
  
Minako put her hand over Ranko's mouth to shut her up. "Make comments like that again and I'll throw you out. Do you want to be off the team? Say the word." Minako was not kidding.  
  
"Mmmphh..." Ranko mumbled.  
  
Minako removed her hand from Ranko's mouth. "Repeat that."  
  
Ranko took a small breath. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry. Old habits die hard." Ranko looked to the sky and silently thought about her failed childhood, "Thanks dad, you really gave me great lessons in life. Damn you!" Ranko turned and saw Akane tossing the ball over the net to the other girls. She was having a good time.   
  
Minako slowly shook her head. "You are really good, you know that Ranko." Ranko perked up. Minako continued, "But your teamwork sucks, we'll work on that first and foremost. Another thing, you have to tone down your abilities. Don't use your ki at all."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Minako was shocked, "What do you mean why not? What would people say if I came to practice as Sailor Venus? I could play five times better that way but it wouldn't be fair and it would attract the wrong kind of attention. Do you want people to start watching you? If you or Akane start knocking more volleyballs through the walls like yesterday, people will ask questions I'm sure you don't want to answer."  
  
Ranko gulped. She was so focused on making a good impression that she totally forgot that she needed to be discreet. "Oh oh..." She gave a grin. "Sorry."  
  
"It's you and Akane who'll be sorry if you don't chill out." Minako glanced at Akane. "Now Akane is keeping her talents in check. I know you can do it too. Make me proud." Minako pointed to the court.  
  
Ranko got up and joined her teammates. Minako stood at the sidelines and had a happy thought. She was going to be teaching Ranko since Minako was more experienced than her. Once she breaks this wild horse, Ranko could be the best player Juuban had ever had.  
  
Minako froze. That would mean that she wasn't the best. She pondered that for a moment and pushed the thought aside. Minako did what was best for the team. That was what made her such a great player. She needed to drill this concept into Ranko's head.  
  
  
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Kato was bored, "This sucks".  
  
Yoshi looked up from his manga, "You heard his voice. He said to wait for him here after school."  
  
Akira was getting worried, "I can only stay for a few more minutes. If I don't get home soon, my dad will come here and... Well... I'll be home schooled so he can make sure I never leave the house until I'm thirty."  
  
Kato got up, "Well, school's been out for almost an hour. Let's go." He took a few steps when the voice came back.  
  
The voice softly spoke, "Leaving so soon? And I thought you wanted to have some revenge."  
  
Kato turned around and commanded, "Show yourself."  
  
A small figure hopped out of a bush. It was Happosai. His voice was completely different from his usual gruff old man voice. It was a gentle soothing sound. "I'm here. Our mutual adversary needs to learn to respect us. I've already started the preparations here. But I need something that I need you to obtain for me."  
  
Akira got on one knee to try to get face to face with Happosai. He was still much taller than the little old fossil. "What do you want?"  
  
Happosai smiled a toothy grin. The three guys noticed that the teeth were needle thin and were not the teeth of a human. "I need to get some special water. I need you to get it for me."  
  
Kato stepped closer, "Where do we get this water? We are not going to the sewer are we?"  
  
"No, you are going somewhere more dangerous."  
  
The three raised their eyebrows.   
  
Happosai continued, "Well? Revenge? Yes or no?"  
  
The three went into a huddle. Akira started, "He only wants us to get water. How bad could that be?"  
  
Kato shot a look at the old freak, "He creeps me out."  
  
Yoshi was thinking about the night before, "If Saotome suffers, I'm in."  
  
The three agreed. They turned to the old man. Together they answered, "Yes."  
  
The old man smiled. "Be here this Sunday at sunrise. I'll take you to where you can get me my special water." The old man peered behind Kato as if something got his attention. The three guys turned to look. They saw nothing. They looked back at the old man and he wasn't there.  
  
Kato gasped, "I still say he creeps me out."  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Author's Notes: None for now  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	5. Hi mom!

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 5 Hi mom!  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or force me to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Akane was helping Ranko dress for her waitress job. "Oh, this kimono is so flattering on your figure."  
  
Ranko looked at herself and admired the view. "Why yes it is. Could you fix my bow?" Akane fluffed up the bow on the back of Ranko's kimono while Ranko finished applying lipstick.  
  
Akane sighed, "Sometimes you scare me."  
  
"Why? Because I'm more woman than you can handle?" Ranko giggled.  
  
Akane gently twitched her left eyelid.  
  
Ranko turned around and made a girlish pose. She made another pose. She batted her eyes and kissed the air. She posed again. Sailor Moon would have been proud. "Well? Like what you see?"  
  
Akane gently slapped Ranko's butt. "Get to work you pervert!"  
  
"Look who's called ME a pervert?" In a Shampoo like voice Ranko chirped, "Pervert girl marry Ranma!" Ranko stuck her tongue out and with ladylike grace, gingerly walked toward the front door to go to the subway station. It was time for another day at the sushi bar. She got to the door and was about to open it when she sensed someone coming into the building. "Oh no..."  
  
Akane felt the presence too. "He's here isn't he."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Akane went to the balcony. She sensed the area and found the photographer was gone but his camera was still there. "Can't go out this way."  
  
Ranko wondered how to get rid of the unwanted guest. "Shall we push him down the stairs?"  
  
"I say we shove him down the stairs."  
  
"Push him!"  
  
"Shove him!"  
  
A knock sounded on the door and the two girls spun towards the entrance of the apartment. Ranko looked at her hands, "Ah man, and I just did my nails. Could you deal with him?"  
  
Akane groaned, "You can be such a girl sometimes!" She went to the door.  
  
"Hey!" Ranko sped to the bathroom and out of sight.  
  
Akane opened the door. She knew who was there.  
  
A bouquet of dark red flowers was shoved in Akane's face. Tatewaki Kuno took a look inside. He pulled out his bokken. "These flowers to not compare to your beauty Akane Tendo! Where is your cousin, the pig-tailed one?" He had a second bouquet of pink and light red flowers ready for his other true love.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Akane was trying to be polite. She didn't want Kuno's body being hurled out the window to be caught on film.  
  
"I am here to grace your presence. These flower's beauty pale in comparison to the raw grace and charm you possess."   
  
Akane blushed. He was actually trying to compliment Akane instead of himself.  
  
"I see my words have the desired effect. I am honored. Shall we leave on our date now?" Tatewaki stood aside from the doorway to allow Akane to exit. He held his arm outward in a gesture for her to leave.  
  
Akane was still in her Juuban High School uniform. She was dressed to date with Kuno but the thought of being anywhere near that wolf disgusted her to enough to wipe away the blush. "Kuno, please leave. I am not going on any date with you. I am a married woman." She handed him his flowers back.  
  
"What spell has that sorcerer cast on you that you would be his slave?"  
  
"He didn't cast any spell on me! I'm his wife. Get it?" She showed her ring finger. She really wanted to extend a different finger, but she was still trying to be polite.  
  
"You are destined to wed with me." Kuno spoke with an air of seriousness.  
  
Akane was fuming. "Why are you so dense? Were you born stupid? Or was it the result of years of practice? Get the hint! I am not marrying you EVER!"  
  
Ranko was hiding in the bathroom and was holding back the urge to throw up. She looked at the clock. She was going to miss the subway train if Kuno didn't leave in a minute.  
  
Kuno was taken aback. "How could you refuse to enter the house of Kuno? It is a noble house dating back for centuries. Saotome has truly corrupted your soul."  
  
Akane was glowing blue. Her aura was starting to build. "I am a Saotome now." She dropped her battle aura. She smiled and hid her clenched fist behind her back. "Please go home Kuno, there is nothing for you here."  
  
Kuno gently pushed Akane aside as he stormed into the apartment. "Where are you Saotome? Show yourself you coward. How dare you force Akane to speak those untrue words?"  
  
Ranko slammed the bathroom door shut the moment that Kuno entered the apartment. "Sun Star Power, Make Up!"  
  
Kuno was in the living room when he heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom. Akane grew tense since she knew exactly what the sound was. She saw the balcony window was open and the photographer could possibly take of picture of inside the apartment. She rushed to the balcony to draw the drapes.  
  
Kuno went to the bathroom. He tried to open the door but it was locked. "So Saotome, you coward! Hiding in the bathroom? I expected as much from such a dishonorable man as you." Kuno turned the doorknob a second time and it opened the door.  
  
He leapt into the bathroom with his bokken ready. A bucket of water that was attached to the door fell on his head. Kuno pulled the bucket off and saw the room was empty. "What foul magic is this?"  
  
Akane breathed a sigh of relief that Sailor Sun teleported out. "Kuno, get out before I call the police."  
  
"Why would you do that? I am here to rescue you."  
  
Akane studied Kuno and analyzed his body for a simple weak spot. She saw at least ten places she could strike to end his miserable life. She wished that murder was not against the code of the martial artist. She gave a simple karate chop to his neck and he was out cold. Akane looked at his body. "Too easy. Now what shall I do with this loser?" She sighed. "I'm going to have to talk to Nabiki about this."  
  
  
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Sailor Sun was sitting on a dock on Tokyo Bay. She had her booted feet hanging over the edge and she lazily kicked them back and forth. She was about four blocks from her job at the Edokko Sushi restaurant. She enjoyed the view of the bay. She watched the boats sail by going on their merry way. She looked down at her gloved hands and playfully created a fireball and juggled it back and forth. Sailor Sun tossed the ball of flame into the water and it made a sizzling sound as it hit the ocean's surface. She made a little game of it. She created small fireballs and threw them at spots on the water. Her aim was almost perfect.  
  
She was letting the magic power flow through her body and it was a powerful feeling. Being Sailor Sun was the most wondrous thing ever to happen to her in her life. She felt like she could do anything. She just had to take the time to master her powers properly. She thought about her new family, the family of the Sailor Senshi that she and Io recently joined. She giggled thinking about Sailor Moon and her alter ego Usagi Tsukino. Sun thought, "How did that girl become our leader?"  
  
Sun stretched out and looked at the stars. She could touch them. She knew one day she would travel out there. The thoughts of what lay ahead was intoxicating and frightening. She had already helped save the world several times. She was so proud of herself that she was who she was.  
  
Her communicator beeped, bringing her mind back to planet Earth. She pulled her communicator out. "Sun here."  
  
Akane was on the other end. "Are you ok?"  
  
Sun smiled, "I'm fine. I'm near my job. I'm early so I'm just killing time. Did you get rid of Kuno?"  
  
Akane smiled. "Yep, I took out the trash."  
  
Sun smiled back, "Well, I get off at ten. Could you call my mom and see if it's alright to visit at 10:30?"  
  
"Well if we hurry with our teleport, we could get there right after 10."  
  
Sun was amazed at Akane's change of heart, "I thought you didn't want to press our luck?"  
  
"Ok, 10:30 it is then. I'll meet you here and we can go together."  
  
Sun felt so right talking to Akane, "See you tonight dear." She paused. "I love you."  
  
Akane blushed a bit, "I love you too dear."  
  
Sun turned off her communicator. She happily practiced throwing tiny fireballs into the water. She had a few people crowd near her watching her. She didn't mind, she was thinking about Akane and it filled her heart with joy.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Kuno woke up sometime later. He was covered in garbage from the dumpster near the apartment building. "Hmm, I must find Saotome and force him to release Akane from his grasp!" He crawled out of the trash and fell to the pavement. Kuno took a step away from the smelly garbage and brushed himself off. "Hmm, I need to cleanse myself of this filth. I cannot date with the fair Akane Tendo or the pig-tailed one in this fashion. Sasuke!"  
  
Sasuke popped out from behind the dumpster. "Yes master?"  
  
"Oh, there you are. I need to be taken home so that I may partake in a proper bath." He boarded the rickshaw that Sasuke pulled out from behind the dumpster.   
  
Sasuke started his now daily run back to Nerima. He thought, "How about you soak your head until it's not so dense? Oh, Master, why do you do these things to yourself?" Sasuke pulled the rickshaw out of sight.  
  
Sailors Io and Venus stepped out from behind the bushes near the entrance of the apartment building. Venus was bummed, "Ah, and I wanted to have some fun."  
  
Io was disappointed too, "Thanks for coming on short notice Venus."  
  
"No problem. Hey! Wanna play some one on one?" Venus pulled a basketball from subspace.  
  
Sailor Io grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."  
  
Venus grinned back to Io. Venus had an idea. "Wanna play like this?" She pointed to her fuku.  
  
Io pulled at her skirt. "Why not? I've always wanted to try this, let's consider it training." Sailor Io pointed a finger at Venus. "No magic attacks!"  
  
"If you don't use ki attacks, deal."  
  
The two Senshi ran to a park nearby with a basketball court. They played for thirty minutes and had a great time. The crowd that gathered was amazed at the speed and agility the two girls showed in their little game. Once the crowd got too large, the girls decided to call it a night. They took a little bow and ran their separate ways.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Akane was applying her makeup. She usually didn't do this on trips to her family but she knew that Ranko wouldn't have time to change. Akane didn't want Ranko to look more like a girl than she did. They had to hurry to get to the Tendo residence before everyone wanted to get to sleep.  
  
At 10:10 a familiar flash appeared in the living room and Sailor Sun plopped on the ground fast asleep. Akane went over to her sleeping husband, "Welcome home Ranko!" She checked the drapes and made sure they were still closed and no one outside could have seen the flash.  
  
Akane finished up in the bedroom, she had on a pretty kimono much like Ranko's and had her hair freshly washed and shampooed. She applied just a hint of perfume and looked her best. She was a match for Ranko's current feminine grace. She heard a groan in the living room. Akane transformed into Sailor Io. She hated teleporting as a person since it made her very ill, but in Sailor guise, it didn't bother her at all.  
  
Io stood next to Sun. "Wake up sleepy head."  
  
Sun moaned, "I will once the room stops moving."  
  
Io helped up Sun and got her on the couch. "Why don't you take a ten minute break?" Io pulled her purse out of subspace and checked if she had everything. It was a neat trick that once someone transformed, they could grab their purse and other items that vanished during the change from the pocket dimension. However, it seemed that clothes couldn't be taken out. Io shivered at the thought of someone playing a joke by taking someone else's clothes out of subspace and not telling them before they changed back.  
  
Io put her hand back into subspace and rummaged around. She found Sun's purse and pulled it out. She saw Sun's bottle of cold water was not full so she went to the sink to fill it. She put the bottle back into the purse and made it disappear again. She was going to have to ask what happened for her to use the water.  
  
Sun came to. She got up. "Are you ready to go?"  
  
"Sure you don't want to rest for a bit longer?"  
  
Sun grabbed Io. "Nope." They flashed out.  
  
The two Senshi appeared over someone else's backyard. They landed with a thud after falling two meters. Io slapped her husband gently, "You should've rested some more." She looked around to see where they landed. They were in the neighbor's yard about six houses down from the Tendo household. Io didn't feel so bad. She stood up and brushed herself off. She sensed that no one saw them arrive so the damage was minimal. She shook her husband to wake her.  
  
Sun zoned back into reality, "Huh?"  
  
"We're in the Miyamoto's backyard. Let's go."  
  
"Oh yeah, they are the one's with the..." Sun bugged her eyes out.  
  
Io sighed. She heard the sound that put fear into Sun's heart. "Meow."  
  
Sun started shaking. Io pulled Sun up, "Let's go this way."  
  
Sun didn't argue. She wanted to escape the presence of the feline ambassador from hell. She leapt over the wall into a dumpster filled with cats. "C-c-c-ats!!!"  
  
Sun jumped skyward and ran down the street at high speed. Io gave chase.  
  
  
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Nabiki was finally getting home from her date. She was able to get dinner, ice cream and a movie from her latest pet. She felt a little guilty, but she knew the relationship was going nowhere. She'll show mercy and dump him gently tomorrow. She was walking toward the house when a red haired girl in a red mini-skirt ran by screaming the word "Cats!"  
  
Nabiki pushed herself against a wall to keep this wacky girl from running her over. She mumbled to herself, "Wow, and I thought Ranma was the only moron afraid of cats." She pulled away from the wall in time to see a second girl in a yellow mini-skirt run by. The girl glanced at Nabiki and slowed down just a tad. She then leapt into the sky and onto the rooftops in the same general direction of the psycho redhead.  
  
"Now that's something you don't see everyday." She shrugged. It's Nerima. She went home.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Sailor Sun started to slow down. She didn't sense the feline death squad behind her and she started to calm down. A moment later, Sailor Io landed directly in front of her and held her open hand out. "Stop!" Sun didn't have time and she plowed into Io and they both rolled around to a stop.  
  
Sun was gasping for air, "Did those things follow me?"  
  
Io kicked Sun off of her. "No. They're long gone."  
  
Sun was still hyper sensitive. She looked around for those dark evil felines. She calmed down some more.  
  
Io sat up. "You know we just ran five kilometers."  
  
"We did?"  
  
Io got up, "Let's run back to the dojo."  
  
"B-b-back?"  
  
"Deal with it!"  
  
Sun took a deep breath. "I can deal with it."  
  
The two girls ran at high speed back to the Tendo residence.  
  
  
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Genma and Soun had already gone to bed. Nodoka and Kasumi were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Nodoka was staying up to see her son and daughter-in-law. The front door opened and Nodoka put on a cheerful smile and greeted the visitor. She was a little disappointed that it was Nabiki who came in.  
  
"Hi everyone!" Nabiki smiled. "I'm home."  
  
"Hello Nabiki. You didn't by any chance see Ranma or Akane when you came in did you?" Nodoka hopefully asked.  
  
"No, but I did bump into two girls I think may have been those Sailor Scouts they talk about. Now that I think about it. Yes, the one in the yellow dress was the one who beat up Kuno." Nabiki started to think about the two girls a little bit more in depth.  
  
Nodoka cheered up. She had a feeling she knew who those two girls were. If she were right, Ranma would be here soon. "Was one a red head?"  
  
"Yes, the first one was. The other one had short bluish black hair like Akane's." Nabiki tilted her head. She thought, "Red head? Brunette? Nah! They didn't look anything like those two. Besides, Ranma wouldn't be caught dead in a Sailor Scout mini-skirt."  
  
Nodoka bowed and glowed. "Thank you Nabiki." She happily walked back to the kitchen. She needed to prepare for her son's imminent arrival. He would be hungry.  
  
Nabiki noticed Nodoka's change in demeanor. She pondered quietly, "Ok, this is just too weird, even for Nerima."  
  
The door opened and two girls came in. Nabiki turned her head and saw Ranko and Akane in cute kimonos. She was impressed with Ranko's makeup. Ranko was beautiful. She even had her nails done. Nabiki rushed upstairs to get her camera. She went to her desk, grabbed the camera and made sure it had plenty of film and finally thought, "Ok, the weird factor has gone off the scale. I'm going to get some answers."  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Nodoka and her two remote family members were chatting up a storm. It was all girl talk. Nabiki sat on the couch pretending to read a manga but was listening to the conversation intently. She picked up that Kuno stopped by and Akane took care of the problem. Nabiki hoped that Akane would spill the beans on what exactly she did to him. It might make great rumor info at school.  
  
Ranko smiled. She turned to Nabiki. "You know, if you are going to listen, you might as well join in."  
  
Nabiki grimaced. She was caught in the act. She put down her manga and sat at the dinner table. She immediately noticed that Ranko was actually holding her rice bowl properly and not inhaling her food. Ranko was still eating at an accelerated rate and two empty bowls showed that her appetite hadn't changed. However, she was actually trying to act like a lady. She turned to Nodoka and got her answer.  
  
Nodoka had her chopsticks held in her hand like a teacher held a ruler near an unruly child. It was obvious that Nodoka was keeping Ranko in line. Akane was trying to hide her glee but once in a while she giggled when Nodoka gently slapped Ranko when she started to wolf down the rice again.  
  
Nabiki chose her questions carefully, "So, Ranko, why are you a girl today?"  
  
Ranko paused, "I just got off work. You remember where I work don't you?" She gave an accusing stare.  
  
Nabiki was intrigued. Ranko usually gave lame answers that gave away the truth. She was getting much better at hiding things. That meant she was hiding something really important. "And you Akane, do you work there too?"  
  
"Oh no, I just wanted to dress up." Akane smiled and ate a pickle.  
  
"You two came on the bus dressed like that? I'm impressed." Nabiki took notice that the kimonos were perfectly clean all the way to the bottom. She could never get across town without soiling the bottom of her kimono. "When did you get off the bus?"  
  
Akane blinked. "About uh... Fifteen minutes ago."  
  
Nabiki was beyond suspicious. She came off the bus. Those two were not on the bus or she would have been with them. She picked up a pickle and took a bite. She asked, "Did you see anything strange tonight?"  
  
Ranko stopped eating to offer an insult, "The only weird thing I saw today was you." She put her bowl down. "And Tatewaki. Nabiki, how could you!"  
  
Akane stared at her sister. "Yes, how could you?"  
  
Nabiki sat up straight. "He was going to find out sooner or later. Why not make some money?"  
  
Nodoka shot a glance at Nabiki and was angry that she gave her katana to her daughter. It was time to buy a new katana. "Nabiki? What did you do?"  
  
Ranko frowned, "She sold our address to Tatewaki Kuno. He stopped by our apartment today demanding that Akane marry him."  
  
Akane slammed her rice bowl on the table. "It was so peaceful until you ruined it. Oh, Nabiki..." She put her head down and looked away from her sister. "I thought you cared about us. I thought you cared about me."  
  
Ranko and Nodoka just stared at Nabiki. It made her uncomfortable. That was the desired effect.  
  
Nabiki felt a chill run down her spine as if she might have gone a little too far. She put the half-eaten pickle down. She wasn't hungry anymore.  
  
Ranko sat up straight. "Nabiki, I hope you realized what you have done. Kuno was hanging out in front of our school, he almost got me fired and now he is stalking our apartment. Until you sold him our address, he was out of our lives." Ranko wanted to beat Nabiki, but she couldn't hurt someone who can't defend herself.  
  
Nabiki slowed down her breathing and slowly blinked her eyes. "I... I..." She didn't want to ruin her reputation as the ice queen. She turned away and slowly walked toward the stairs.  
  
Nodoka stood up and blocked the stairway. "I think you owe them an apology."  
  
Nabiki without turning around stuttered, "I... I'm s... sor..." She was making a huge effort to not say it. She felt guilty but not enough to give the right response.  
  
Nodoka gave a stern look. She even raised a hint of a battle aura. "APOLOGIZE! Have you no honor?"  
  
Nabiki shouted back to Nodoka, "I'm SORRY!" She glared at the two girls left at the table. She whispered toward her sister. "I'm sorry Akane."  
  
Nodoka moved aside. Nabiki quickly ran up the stairs to her room. She shut the door. Nodoka took a small breath and sat down next to her daughter.  
  
Ranko slid closer to her mother. "It's good to be with you mom." She gave a hug and held her mother close.  
  
Kasumi came from the kitchen from all the noise. She stood next to Akane and both girls had visions of holding their dear departed mother. Akane stared at Ranko and her mother and wished that her mother could see her now. Akane missed her mother dearly.  
  
Nodoka saw Akane's sad look. "Come my child." She held out her arm.  
  
Akane got up and sat on the other side of Nodoka and gave her a hug as well. "Thank you mother." Akane was happy to have her mother-in-law in her life.  
  
Kasumi gave response number 15, "Oh, how wonderful."  
  
A few moments went by and Akane noticed a gentle sound coming from upstairs. She left the group hug to check on her sister.  
  
Akane crept up to Nabiki's door and listened carefully. She could hear a quiet sobbing coming from inside the room. She knocked quietly. "Nabiki, can I come in?"  
  
A moment passed. Akane turned the knob and entered. The room was dark and only the light of the moon gave any illumination. She followed the sound and knelt next to the bed. Nabiki was lying on top of her covers. She was face down on her bed.  
  
Akane sat next to Nabiki for fourteen minutes. She said not a word. She just listened to her sister cry. She knew that her sister would be too proud to make a formal apology, but the tears were enough. Akane got up and went to the doorway and faced her sister. "Nabiki, I forgive you."  
  
She walked out and closed the door. Nabiki out of earshot quietly whispered, "Thank you."  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Akane slowly walked down the stairs and saw a strange sight. Ranko was standing in the living room, walking around with ten books on her head. Nodoka had a look of amusement on her face. "What's going on here?"  
  
Nodoka without missing a beat replied, "Bridal training."  
  
Akane opened her mouth like a koi fish. "Uh..."  
  
Ranko dropped her head causing the books to fall. She started laughing. Nodoka started laughing as well.  
  
"Uh..." Akane was holding on the railing to keep from fainting.  
  
Ranko turned to Nodoka, "Bridal training? Is that what you want me to learn?" Ranko turned to Akane, "Mom was showing me how to walk like a lady. That's all." She turned back to her mother. "Don't give my wife a heart attack mom!"  
  
Akane put her face in her hands. "Ranko, listen to yourself. What you just said didn't make any sense."  
  
Ranko thought about the walking like a lady part followed by the wife reference. "Ok, so that was odd." Ranko stooped over to pick up the books and placed them on the living room table.  
  
Kasumi popped out from the kitchen, "Now, you'd better get going home or you should spend the night here. You don't want to be late for school tomorrow."  
  
Ranko hopped to the table to finish up her food. Akane helped Nodoka up from the floor. "Yes, we should be going home. Ready to go Ranko?"  
  
Ranko was wolfing down her food. "In... A... Minute..." Nodoka swatted Ranko's arm. "Ok, mom. I get the point." Ranko slowed down her eating again.  
  
"Maybe I really should give you bridal training." Nodoka smirked.  
  
Ranko stopped. "You wouldn't."  
  
"Try me."  
  
"You would."  
  
"Starting Saturday."  
  
"You are." Ranko sunk.  
  
"And you'd better come here properly dressed."  
  
"Or what?"  
  
"Or hot water will hit you at the wrong time."  
  
Ranko freaked. "Ok! Ok! You win!" She thought to herself, "For now."  
  
Nodoka turned to Akane, "I expect you to be here as well."  
  
Akane beamed, bridal training included cooking lessons. "Of course mother."  
  
Ranko sighed. "Well, let's go home now." She put down her empty rice bowl and got up.  
  
Kasumi picked up the dishes. "Oh, I forgot to ask, have either of you seen Happosai?"  
  
Ranko and Akane glanced at each other. Akane answered, "No, we haven't seen him. Why?"  
  
"Well, he didn't come to dinner. That is not like him."  
  
Ranko silently smiled. She thought, "Maybe he won't come to dinner ever again." The thought made her give out a tiny giggle.  
  
Kasumi slightly dropped her smile. "This isn't funny Ranko. If you see him, please let me or Father know."  
  
Ranko closed her eyes and used her Senshi senses to pick out the old freak. She felt something odd about Happosai's room. "Kasumi, when was the last time you saw Happosai?"  
  
"He was here last night at dinner. I have not seen him all day today."  
  
Ranko went to Happosai's room and opened the door. The room was neat and tidy except for a pentagram drawn in wax in the center of the room. Ranko felt a strange vibration from the pentagram. It wasn't evil, but it felt magical. She was about to leave when she saw the hoof prints. They were about thirty-five centimeters wide and were pressed into the hardwood floor. Whatever made these prints was extremely heavy. "Akane!"  
  
Akane came running in. Ranko pointed at the hoof prints. "I think we've found Ami's youma." Akane felt a wave of fear. If Happosai was involved, it was going to be very bad.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: None for now  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
========================================  
burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	6. Secrets

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 6 Secrets  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or have Kuno date with me.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
It was midnight outside of the men's locker room at Juuban High School. A little former pervert was busy making changes to the plumbing. He just finished building a small platform with a water intake valve at the bottom of it. He was starting to attach a small heating unit when he realized the power cord was too short.  
  
The demon wearing Happosai's body was patient. It would wait until daytime and go to a hardware store to buy the missing parts for its contraption. Deep down in Happosai's mind, the real Happosai was cursing and screaming. He wanted to warn Ranma. He wanted to warn the world. The demon heard the screams and it made the creature happy. Pain and suffering was what the demon did best. The pain and suffering it was going to inflict was going to be biblical.  
  
  
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Ami was studying for tomorrow's exam when her Sailor Scout communicator vibrated. She answered it, "Ami here."  
  
The image of Akane was visible, "Ami, can you come over to my family's place in Nerima? I think we found something about that youma you detected."  
  
"Nerima? It will take me a while to run there. Is the youma there?"  
  
"No, we don't know where it is but look..." Akane turned the communicator upside down so the camera would pick up the hoof prints so Ami could see it. "We found these."  
  
Ami could barely make out the footprints. The screen on the communicator was very small and wasn't very good for showing things other than people's faces. "Can Sun teleport me?"  
  
"She could, but you know how she is at night." The sound of someone giving the raspberry was heard. "Give her a moment to sneak out and change."  
  
"Ok. I'll be waiting." Ami shut off her communicator and transformed to Sailor Mercury.  
  
Akane put her communicator in her pocket. Ranko had already jumped out the window into the backyard to find a place to transform. Nodoka stood close, "She didn't need to leave on my account."  
  
Akane whispered into Nodoka's ear, "You are the only one here who knows about us. Kasumi doesn't know."  
  
Nodoka felt honored that she was the only one they trusted with their secret. "You know you can trust Kasumi."   
  
"I know I can. But I just can't tell everyone about us." Akane started to examine the room for any other clues about the thing that made the hoof prints. She saw in a corner a silver metal box that was open. The box was fifteen centimeters wide, eighteen centimeters long and ten centimeters high. She touched it and reeled back. "Whoa!"  
  
Nodoka came to her daughter-in-law's side. "What's the matter?"  
  
Akane reached into a dresser and pulled out one of Happosai's shirts. She used it to pick up the box without actually touching it again. "This box feels evil. I think it had something to do with those foot prints." Akane examined the box and saw an inscription on the bottom.  
  
Akane read the words written on the bottom. "There are some words in Japanese. Pity those who dare ask for the avatar of suffering. The price for its service is to walk the path of pain." She looked up. "That's not good."  
  
Nodoka looked at the box. "I remember Happosai was doing something in his room early this morning. I thought I heard him speaking to someone and when I came down to see who was his guest, he was not here."  
  
"This morning? That was when Ami said she detected something in Nerima."  
  
There was a flash outside and two splashes were heard in the koi pond. A voice called out, "You could have shorted out my computer!"  
  
Akane ran to the window, "Keep quiet!" She waved. "Over here." She moved aside and Sailor Mercury jumped in through the window, flipped over and landed in the middle of the room like an acrobat. She was dripping wet.  
  
Akane pointed out the footprints. "What made these?"  
  
Mercury shook her computer to get the water out of it. She scanned the prints and started checking the shape against known youma or other nastiness. "Checking now. By the way, that's a nice kimono."  
  
"Thanks." Akane grabbed the box from the bed. She used the shirt to hold it. "I also found this."  
  
Mercury took a look and saw that the silver box seemed ancient. She noticed that it had inscriptions in a strange language she never had seen before. The computer beeped. "Well, there are over two hundred youma types that could have made that print. Let me scan the box." She typed a few commands and the box was on her screen. "Let's see what it is."  
  
The computer only searched for a few seconds before it gave the answer. "Well, it's evil." She scrolled the text on her computer's display. "It's a stasis box for... Uh Oh..."  
  
Akane didn't want to know why Mercury said that. "Uh oh?"  
  
Mercury looked at Akane. "Oh yeah, it's a box made to hold a demon lord."  
  
"I assume that's bad."  
  
"Yeah, that's really bad."  
  
"How bad?"  
  
"Well, uh... For one, it would take all eleven of us to kill it. And I'm not even sure if that's enough firepower."  
  
"That's bad."  
  
"We can trap it."  
  
"That's good."  
  
"We don't have the proper ward."  
  
"That's bad."  
  
"Sailor Mars can make a ward."  
  
"That's good."  
  
"We don't know where the demon is."  
  
"That's really bad."  
  
"I think we have bait."  
  
"That's good. Hey wait a minute. What bait?"  
  
Mercury looked around the room. "Whoever summoned this demon wanted to do something to someone. Who summoned it?"  
  
Akane gulped, "Happosai."  
  
"Happosai? The underwear thief?"  
  
"Yes, and I think he would be targeting Ranma."  
  
"If Ranma is the target, then it would be easy for him to lure out the creature so we can trap it. I don't know if Mars is strong enough to make a ward that can hold a demon lord."  
  
Akane pointed to the box. "Well we should show this to Mars then."  
  
Sailor Sun jumped in the room. She was dry. Mercury turned to her, "How did you dry off so fast?"  
  
"I used my ki to warm myself to dry off."  
  
Mercury just stood there. She blinked. She blinked again. Akane shrugged, "It's just a basic ki manipulation technique."  
  
Mercury blinked at Akane, "You can do that too?"  
  
"Yes. Is there a problem?"  
  
"Well, uh... Only that most of the human population can't do the things you two can do."  
  
Sailor Sun gave a look of puzzlement, "Most of the martial artists around here can do these things."  
  
Mercury blinked again. She started to key some more commands into her computer. She was going to scan the air and the water of Nerima for future analysis. This was too weird. She planed to do a full soil test if nothing was found in the current scans.  
  
Kasumi came into the room with some snacks. "I brought you and your guests something to eat."  
  
Sailor Mercury took a small cookie and munched on it. "Thank you. Oh, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Sailor Mercury."  
  
Sailor Sun ignored Kasumi. Akane tapped Sun's foot. "Oh, and I'm Sailor Sun. Uh... Nice to meet you." She gave a little bow.  
  
"It is a great honor to meet you. I am Kasumi Tendo. I see you've met my sister and our mother-in-law." Kasumi looked around, "Where's Ranko?"  
  
Sailor Sun answered, "Uh... She's out."  
  
Kasumi blinked and gave a knowing smile. "Will you be staying long?"  
  
Mercury pretended not to know Akane. "No. We are here investigating a youma sighting." She pointed to the hoof prints on the floor. "Once we are done we will be leaving."  
  
Kasumi looked at Sun and Akane. "Very well, if you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen." She left the small plate of cookies on Happosai's bed and gave a hint of a look of disappointment. She went back to the kitchen.  
  
Mercury's computed beeped. She read the analysis of the stasis box. "I've got a translation of the writing. Hmm... Oh boy!"  
  
Akane, Nodoka and Sun's faces dropped. Akane asked, "Oh boy?"  
  
"I've got good news." Mercury had a blank expression. "This demon isn't after Ranko. She didn't summon it."  
  
Sun put her hand on her chin and grinned. "So, it's after Happosai? Maybe there is justice in the world after all."  
  
Mercury finished reading the translations. "Well maybe or maybe not. It says that the demon is to be summoned when someone wanted to walk the path of pain and suffering. What would make Happosai feel pain and suffering?"  
  
Sun crossed her arms, "Oh that's simple. A world without women... Uh... Uh oh..."  
  
The girls looked at each other and gave a collective gasp. Nodoka took a step back, "You can't be serious!"  
  
Akane was wide eyed, "Could this demon do something like that?"  
  
Mercury was typing on her computer at full Senshi speed. She was terrified. "I'm afraid if it is indeed a demon lord, then yes, it has that much power. It would take time to cast such a spell that could kill everyone in the world. It would need to tap some sort of magical power source of great magnitude to power the spell."  
  
"Where could it get that much magical power?" Sun asked.  
  
"I don't know. But I'm going to find out. I've got some friends I can talk to tomorrow who might have some answers. Sun, could you take me home?"  
  
"Sure." Sun held Mercury. Mercury held the stasis box in the shirt and the two flashed out.  
  
Akane sighed. "Well Sun won't be back for a while."  
  
Nodoka was curious, "Why is that?"  
  
"It's nighttime. She teleports using sunlight as a power source. Without direct sunlight, she falls asleep. She probably will be napping for a few minutes before Mercury can wake her up to get back here." Akane turned to Nodoka, "I guess we'll be spending the night here. She won't be able to get us home tonight."  
  
Akane searched the room again. She was looking for anything that would give a clue as to where Happosai could have gone. She pulled out drawers to examine the contents. She finally noticed what was different about the room. "Mom? Where is Happosai's underwear collection?"  
  
Nodoka noticed the empty drawer. "I don't know."  
  
"Strange. Very strange." Akane and Nodoka turned out the light and sealed the room. Akane kissed her mother-in-law goodnight and went upstairs to her old bedroom.  
  
Nodoka watched Akane enter her old room and gave a sigh of contentment. She was proud that her son had such a wonderful and caring wife. She was about to go to her room when she noticed the dining room table still had a few dishes on it. She went over to pick up the last dishes and took them to the sink. Kasumi was leaning against the kitchen counter with a sad look on her face.  
  
Nodoka placed the dishes in the soapy water, "What's the matter Kasumi?"  
  
Kasumi looked at the floor, "Why don't they trust me?"  
  
"Trust you?"  
  
"I know what's going on. Nabiki may be fooled, but I'm not." Kasumi turned on the faucet and started to do the dishes. "I know they are Sailor Senshi."  
  
"Kasumi, if they are. I'm certain that they have a very good reason to keep that a secret." Nodoka gave the look of motherly wisdom.  
  
"Well mother. They are doing a really bad job keeping that a secret. I heard a girl screaming about cats while I was inside the kitchen. She was loud and probably woke up the whole neighborhood. A while ago those two acted so guilty when Mr. Saotome mentioned about the 'red head and the brunette' he bumped into at his job. Nabiki mentioned the Senshi's hair looked like Akane's." Kasumi looked out the window of the kitchen. "How often do we have Sailor Senshi teleporting into our backyard?" Kasumi was a lot smarter than she let on.  
  
Nodoka sighed. "Kasumi, talk to her. She is your sister." She backed away and went upstairs to her room.  
  
  
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Kasumi was at Akane's door. She had finished the dishes and checked on Nabiki. Nabiki was sound asleep so she wouldn't be able to spy on her tonight. She gently knocked on Akane's door. Kasumi softly spoke, "Akane, it's me Kasumi. Could I come in?"  
  
Kasumi heard Akane say something and then a strange sound came from inside the room. The door unlocked. Kasumi opened it slowly and went inside. She shut the door and was greeted by Sailor Io. Kasumi was embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I was looking for my..." She took a closer look at Sailor Io. The Senshi looked familiar but Kasumi couldn't place why.  
  
"Please lock the door Kasumi." Io asked.  
  
Kasumi felt that this person was trustworthy, so she locked the door.  
  
"Please sit down." Io sat on the bed.  
  
Kasumi pulled out Akane's chair from her desk and sat down. She ventured a guess, "Akane?"  
  
Sailor Io smiled. She got up and gave her sister a hug. "Yes, it's me."  
  
"Oh Akane." Kasumi returned the hug and her eyes watered a little. "I'm so happy for you. I knew it! I knew you would join them!" She pushed her sister away so she could look at her face. "My sister fights for love and justice!"  
  
"Quiet down!" Io whispered. "I was hiding at the stairs and heard you and mom talk. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."  
  
Kasumi shot out the questions like a machine gun. "How long have you been a Senshi? How did you get chosen? Which planet are you named after? What does Ranma think... Ranma?" Kasumi placed her hands on her face under her nose.  
  
Sailor Io giggled a bit, "Yes, Ranko is one too."  
  
Kasumi let out a laugh. "Oh my!"  
  
"She should be here soon. I'm amazed that..." A flash appeared in the room directly above the bed. Sun fell about a meter on the mattress sound asleep. "Oh, here she is now."  
  
Kasumi stood up and gazed at Sailor Sun's sleeping body. "She doesn't look anything like Ranko."  
  
"You didn't recognize me either."  
  
Kasumi looked at Sailor Io and finally saw that it was Akane. "Why didn't I recognize you before?"  
  
"Disguise magic. When we are like this, people don't associate our Sailor form from our regular form. It helps to keep our identities secret." She sat next to Sailor Sun and transformed back to Akane. "It works until someone like lame-brain here runs down the street because of her fear of cats."  
  
Sun turned on the bed and lay on her side. "I heard that." She changed back to Ranko.  
  
Kasumi had so many questions to ask. She didn't know where to begin.  
  
Akane took her sister by the hand and gently nudged her to the door. "We need to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning when we train, we can go somewhere away from here and talk about it." She pointed to the wall that separated her room from Nabiki's. "I sense that the walls might have ears."  
  
Kasumi gave one more hug to her sister and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for trusting me."  
  
Akane kissed Kasumi on her cheek in return. "Thank you for being my big sister." Akane locked the door behind Kasumi and turned out the light. She slid off her kimono and jumped under the covers. She saw that Ranko had already passed out from teleportation fatigue. "Well, I guess we pushed our luck too far dear." She went to sleep.  
  
  
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Nabiki put her stethoscope down from the wall. She woke up too late to get any details of what Kasumi and Akane were talking about. She silently cursed herself for not waking up sooner. She went back to bed and felt another tinge of guilt. Her sister had forgiven her. She knew that Ranma would hold a grudge. She did what she had to do to keep the Tendo dojo running. She turned and went to sleep. She dreamed about Sailor Scouts. She didn't know why.  
  
  
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The morning came and as promised Akane took Kasumi out for a walk. Ranma found some male clothes to wear and gleefully became male again. He and Nodoka made sure that Nabiki was occupied so that she couldn't follow Akane and Kasumi's little stroll.  
  
Later, the couple went to the dojo and proceeded to pummel each other for half an hour until breakfast was ready. Genma joined the melee and Akane wiped the floor with him. Genma was very upset that a girl had beaten him. Ranma jumped into the koi pond and then proceeded to pummel her father to drive home the idea that two different girls now can beat him up.  
  
Genma called a timeout. "That's not fair boy. You are not a girl. So you don't count."  
  
Akane and Ranko looked at each other. Ranko waved her hand to Akane, "Show him what a girl can do."  
  
Akane cracked her knuckles, "With pleasure." She didn't hold back. Soun watched the massacre and was so proud of his daughter. He went inside to get the first aid kit. Genma was going to need it.  
  
The workout ended and Ranko got the hot water. He happily ate his breakfast at light speed without fear of Nodoka pinching his leg. His mother let him get away with poor table manners when he was male.  
  
They bid the family goodbye and ran off. Akane carried the kimonos in a spare laundry bag.  
  
Nabiki stood at the gate of the Tendo dojo. She looked at her watch. She shook her head and put things together, "Ok, how are they getting home to change and then to Juuban High School in twenty minutes? It takes thirty-five minutes just to get to Juuban by train. They got here last night at 10:20. Ranko got off work at 10. How do they get around so fast?"  
  
She was going to have to ask around. Maybe Ukyou or Shampoo might have some answers to Nabiki's growing list of questions.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Is this the end for all women in the world? Stay tuned. Read and review my story... Or die...  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 18, 2002  
========================================  
burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	7. Play ball!

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 7 Play ball!  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or stuff me with crabmeat.  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Ranko looked at herself in the mirror. She had sunk to a new low. "Do I have to go to school like this?"  
  
Akane was enjoying watching Ranko squirm. "Today is our first volleyball game. If you are going to be on the team, you have to attend school at least once as Ranko."  
  
"Why can't I just change before the game?" Ranko looked down at her high school uniform. It was the Juuban High School sailor style dress. It looked cute on her. She was ecstatic that this little travesty didn't involve makeup.  
  
Akane adjusted the collar and brushed off Ranko's dress. "We've been through this. You are on a girl's team. You need to attend school as a girl once in a while to make this work. Nothing would make the other schools more suspicious if you only show up on the team but not at school."  
  
Ranko glared at her reflection. "Oh, and having me come to school as Ranko when I've been Ranma all this time won't make people suspicious already?" She turned to face Akane. "This is a really bad idea and you know it."  
  
Akane gave a sympathetic look. "It's only for one day."  
  
Ranko rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Remind me why I'm going to embarrass myself today?"  
  
"Today is the day they take the team picture and your class picture. Remember that there is a new student enrolled named..."  
  
Ranko groaned. "Ranko! I know. How did I get talked into this?"  
  
"You can't resist the puppy dog eyes." Akane gave her the puppy dog eyes.  
  
"You and Minako are evil. You know that right?" She grabbed her school bag. She checked for all the necessary items for her survival. She found the water bottle was a bit low and went to the sink to fill it.  
  
Akane remembered she had a question to ask, "Ranko, did you change to a guy at work yesterday?"  
  
"No? Why?" Ranko took a big drink from the bottle. She filled it again.  
  
"I filled your bottle yesterday and was wondering if it was low because you changed back to Ranma."  
  
Ranko looked at her water bottle. "No, I sometimes get thirsty. Water does have other uses." She stuck her bottle in her bag. She took another look at her dress. "Well, this had better be the only day I have to do this. I don't want to make a habit of it."  
  
  
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Usagi and Rei were at the front of the high school. They were waiting for Ami to hear about the new possible threat to the safety of the planet. Again.  
  
Makoto and Minako soon joined them and the four gathered just inside the school entrance. Makoto started things out, "Anyone know anything more? I got the message from Ami about a demon lord that might want to kill all the women in the world."  
  
Minako shook her head, "That's all I got too. Where is Ami? She's never late."  
  
Rei smirked and lazily pointed to Usagi, "Even meatball head here is on time."  
  
"Hey! Stop being mean to me Rei!" Usagi was holding back a storm of tears.  
  
Rei held her arms akimbo. "You're so lucky I'm going to school here. Grandfather tried to convince me again to transfer back to T*A private school."  
  
"But you still don't have to be mean to me!" Usagi pouted.  
  
Ami arrived. She was out of breath. "Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with a friend in America. I've got news about the creature Happosai released."  
  
Akane and Ranko came to group. Ranko was trying to hide in the shadows. Akane grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to the group. "C'mon Ranko, it's not they hadn't seen your girl side."  
  
"It's not them that I'm worried about." Ranko sulked.  
  
Minako was overjoyed. "Oh Ranko! Thank you! The team picture is right before the game today."  
  
"Remember. I'm coming to school like this for today only." Ranko lifted her head and just accepted it.  
  
Minako looked at Ranko's hair, "You would look so much better with your hair in a ponytail or if you just let it down."  
  
Ranko wasn't amused, "Like that looks good on me when the hot water hits, right?"  
  
Ami made a gentle cough. "Girls, we have something more important to discuss. I talked to Giles and he found out about the box we have."  
  
Makoto asked, "Giles? Who is he?"  
  
"Rupert Giles, he is a watcher. He's an expert in demonology. Look." Ami pulled out her computer and showed a picture of a really nasty demon. "This is what the box contained."  
  
The girls gazed at a very ugly demon. To emphasize the point, Ami typed a few keys and superimposed a silhouette of a human next to it. The thing stood six meters tall. It had blood red skin which the lower half looking like the bottom of a goat covered in brown fur and hoofed feet. The arms were solid muscle with giant hands ending in huge black sharp fingernails. The creatures face was like an evil bull and had a snake's tongue. The teeth were numerous and razor sharp. This thing meant business.  
  
Ami took back her computer. "It's called the demon of pain. This thing can hide its evil aura. It needs a host to exist in. Since Happosai's missing, we can probably assume that it is hiding in him. We can sense its evil if it's changing bodies. Also, this thing has a very strange history."  
  
Usagi sat down, "Why can't a month go by without something like this happening? Why?"  
  
"Pay attention dumpling head." Rei pulled up Usagi and brought her back to the group.  
  
"Stop it Rei!" Usagi started crying.  
  
Minako got between Rei and Usagi, "Knock it off you two."  
  
Makoto took a peek at Ami's computer. "What's the history on this thing? Anything we could use against it?"  
  
Ami closed up her computer and put it away. "It seemed that this demon was sealed away because it had a sick sense of humor. It really enjoys making its victim suffer in anguish. It's totally unpredictable."  
  
Ranko was confused, "A demon with a sense of humor? Is that possible?"  
  
Ami told the group, "We need to be on constant guard. This thing is smart, it's ancient and it is capable of anything. If anyone senses evil or sees Happosai, alert everyone else immediately. Rei, I need you to work on marking a ward that can seal a lord of demons. You'll have to make it out of metal or some other long lasting material. We don't want this thing getting out again."  
  
Rei understood and shook her head, "I'm going to have to do some research on this."  
  
Ranko turned to Usagi, "Does this 'end of the world' stuff happen often?"  
  
Usagi shook her head in the affirmative.  
  
Ranko sighed, "And I thought life in Nerima was strange."  
  
Usagi stopped crying and got angry with Ranko, "Ranko! This is all your fault!"  
  
Ranko shot back, "My fault? What do you mean my fault?"  
  
"Happosai did this to get back at you!"  
  
"Don't you try blaming me for that little pervert!"  
  
"Well he lived with you!"  
  
"Past tense! He lived at the Tendo's because Mr. Tendo and my dad were too chicken to kick him out!"  
  
Usagi stomped on the ground. "Why didn't YOU kick him out?"  
  
Ranko got in Usagi's face. "It wasn't my house!"  
  
Usagi got on her tiptoes. "I thought you were the heir!"  
  
Ranko stood back, crossed her arms and faced away from Usagi. "Funny, Mr. Tendo is still very much alive and in charge!"  
  
The other girls were watching the pointless argument between Usagi and Ranko. Akane looked up at the sky to pretend this wasn't happening. The school bell rang and the two stopped the argument. Usagi and Ranko exchanged raspberries and stuck their tongues out at each other. They ran off to class leaving the rest standing behind. They all shrugged and went to their classrooms.  
  
Rei stood there for a moment. She had a feeling of deja vu. Except that Ranko was the one having the useless argument with Usagi instead of her. She smiled as she walked to class and quietly thought, "At least Usagi has the same effect on others as she does me."  
  
  
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Ukyou entered the Furinkan High School gate. She was lonely. She missed Ranma dearly. She knew that she only had two more years of high school left before she graduated and could attend a culinary college. She didn't know what she wanted out of life anymore. Ranma was gone. She had to move on. She just wasn't ready for that yet.  
  
A voice called out for Ukyou, "Hey! Wait up!" Ukyou turned to the voice and saw Nabiki running up to her.  
  
Ukyou perked up a little, "Hey Nabiki. What's up?"  
  
Nabiki ran up to Ukyou and caught her breath. "I want to talk to you about Ranma."  
  
Ukyou really perked up. Nabiki wanted to talk about her favorite subject. "How's he doing?"  
  
"Well, I was wondering if Ranma was doing anything different lately. Did he get some new skill recently?"  
  
Ukyou was a little perplexed at the question, "Not that I know of. He hasn't been by my restaurant lately so I hadn't talked to him in weeks."  
  
Nabiki wasn't happy with the answer. "Well Ranma seems to be able to travel quickly and I was wondering if he learned some way to run faster than normal."  
  
Ukyou bit her lip. She knew about Sailor Sun and that she could teleport. She was going to have to call Ranma and warn her that Nabiki was on to her. "Nope. Not that I know of."  
  
Nabiki grew cold. She knew she was being lied to. "Ok, well thanks anyways."  
  
"If you see him, tell him to come by my place!" Ukyou smiled.  
  
"I will." Nabiki walked to class. She told herself, "Ok, Ukyou knows something and won't tell me. Nodoka knows something. Akane told something to Kasumi." Nabiki was growing frustrated. She hated being kept in the dark. She was going to try Shampoo next.  
  
Nabiki was fuming. She knew something was different with Ranma and Akane. She just for the life of her couldn't put two and two together. She wanted to scream in frustration.  
  
  
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The demon formerly known as Happosai, was putting the last touches on his experiment in plumbing. It was pleased with the work. The day after tomorrow, it was going to send the foolish boys to get the final ingredients to this phase of "Operation: Make Happosai Suffer."  
  
Happosai begged and pleaded with the demon to reconsider. The demon was most amused at this. It shredded and burned Happosai's entire underwear collection and Happosai's cries of anguish gave it the energy it needed to fully awaken. Soon, the next phase of the plan would be put into place. Happosai will regret the day he was born when the demon was through with him.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
The teacher did roll call. "Usagi Tsukino?"  
  
"Here."  
  
"Akane Saotome?"  
  
"Here."  
  
"Ranma Saotome?"  
  
A soprano voice answered. "Here."  
  
The teacher looked at Ranko and reached for his iced tea. He took a big sip. He needed the caffeine boost to get through today. The entire teaching staff got the memo about Ranma's "condition". He wished it were happening to someone else's student. No guy should look that cute in a dress. He checked the boxes "Ranma" and "Ranko" in the roll sheet. It was beyond strange that there were now two students listed in his roll sheet where there should be one. He took another sip of tea. He planned to drink some sake after school. He continued roll call.  
  
Kato couldn't stop staring at Ranko. He didn't think that Ranma would cross dress in public.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Ranko got her lunch from the cafeteria. It was typical cafeteria food. In other words, it was barely fit for human consumption. It was still better than Akane's cooking. She sighed as she went to meet the other girls. She already caught wind of the rumors going around school about her. She was wondering if Nabiki wasn't hiding behind a bush somewhere with a cash register in hand.  
  
She passed by the pervert squad. Kato muttered, "Now he's dressing like a girl. Boy is he weird!"  
  
Ranko continued to walk to the girls by the tree. She found Akane, "Akane, please hold my lunch." She handed her food to Akane. She turned back to the three boys and approached them.  
  
Akira tried to pretend that he didn't see Ranko coming. "Guys, the weirdo is coming here."  
  
Ranko stood next to the three. "If you have something to say, say it to my face."  
  
Kato started laughing. He couldn't hold back the idea of a guy in a dress. He fell to the ground.   
  
Ranko gave a cocky grin. "You think this is funny. Well, for your information you jerks. Right now, I'm 100% woman." She rolled up her sleeves. "I've got a can of 100% whoop ass right here."  
  
Kato stopped laughing. The fight lasted only forty five seconds and was very one sided. The fight lasted that long only because Ranko wanted to let them know exactly what martial arts skill level she possessed. The dust settled and the three guys were bent together like a pretzel. Ranko made a cute girlish pose and batted her eyes to the small crowd that gathered around the melee. "Oh look here! These guys are such wimps that they got beaten by a GIRL!!" Ranko lifted the edge of her skirt and pranced away.  
  
Yoshi moved a little and moaned, "You two, please learn to shut up."  
  
Ranko did her little skipping for only a few steps when she stopped, let go of her skirt and walked in a very male fashion to the waiting girls. She sat with a thud next to Akane and snatched her lunch and swallowed it in five seconds. "Burp."  
  
Akane sat close to Ranko. "Happy now?"  
  
"Yes. Wait a minute. No." Ranko saw she got her dress dirty. She wiped off the dust and her collar was clean again. "I take that back. Yes."  
  
Akane just sat there, "You really worry me sometimes."  
  
Ranko sipped on her drink. "Those jerks deserved it."  
  
"You keep that up and they'll bring back Miss Hinako just for you."  
  
Makoto leaned over to Ranko; "I'm amazed they didn't haul you away to the principal's office right now. You can get kicked out for that. Believe me, I know." She shot a worried glance at the courtyard, looking for a teacher or guardian to come give a detention slip for fighting to Ranko.  
  
"Ok. Ok." Ranko turned to look at her handiwork. The three guys had finally untied themselves from each other and were leaving the courtyard. "I think the message was received loud and clear."  
  
Akane smirked, "Like Kuno?"  
  
Ranko became pale. "You would have to bring him up."  
  
Ami shook her head. "You two have the strangest friends."  
  
Ranko sat up straight, "Tatewaki is not my friend! He is a raving lunatic and his sister is not any better!"  
  
Akane leaned back on the grass, "At least he is the only... Oh hi Shampoo."  
  
Shampoo was standing over Akane. She was wearing her blue Chinese mini-dress that left little to the imagination. She put down her box of ramen and parked her bike. "I see you no change pervert girl."  
  
Akane sat up since her position on the grass looked really bad. Ranko stuttered, "What are you doing here Shampoo?"  
  
Shampoo glomped Ranko. "Airen! Wo Ai Ni!"  
  
Ranko gave a look of terror to the other Sailor Senshi, "It's not what it looks like!"  
  
Upstairs, upperclassmen Haruka and Michiru were looking out the window down into the courtyard like they did from time to time. They liked to watch the Inners socialize. It was a source of amusement. Haruka saw Shampoo. "Now she's cute. Ranko seems to get all the girls."  
  
Michiru gently smacked Haruka on the back of her head.  
  
Ranko twisted herself to squirm away from Shampoo's grasp. "Stop it Shampoo!"  
  
Shampoo slid to the ground when Ranko escaped her grasp. She sat up and offered some ramen. "I bring picnic. Date with Shampoo yes?"  
  
Akane was invoking herculean strength to not make a move. She didn't want to get expelled for fighting. The battle she was playing in her mind would have her banned from all public schools in Japan.  
  
Ami wanted to know, "Shampoo, why are you after a married man?"  
  
Shampoo was happy to answer, "Ranma marry Shampoo. Shampoo be good wife to Ranma." She produced the bowl of ramen.  
  
Ami didn't expect that answer. "That's not what I asked. Ranko, er... Ranma is married to Akane. He's off the market." Ami was trying to use logic on Shampoo. It was an uphill battle.  
  
"Ranma marry Shampoo first." She started to slide toward Ranko who was hiding behind Akane.  
  
Ranko stood up. "I was engaged to Akane first!"  
  
Shampoo stood and faced off with Ranko, "You marry Shampoo first! Marry Akane second!"  
  
"I didn't marry you!"  
  
"Ranma already marry Shampoo!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"Ranma already marry Shampoo!"  
  
There were about thirty students looking at this very strange argument. A girl demanding marriage from another girl was not a common sight at Juuban High School.  
  
"I didn't marry you! I knocked you out by accident!"  
  
"Amazon law say, Ranma already marry Shampoo!"  
  
"I'm not an Amazon!"  
  
"Ranma Amazon when marry Shampoooooooooo........" Shampoo went flying into the air, powered by the luxurious patent leather sole of Air Akane's foot.  
  
Akane casually went over to Shampoo's bike and spun it around like a discus and released it so that it would land not far from Shampoo on the other side of the high school wall. Akane looked for the ramen box and found Ranko had just finished eating the noodles and placed the empty bowl back in the box. "Can't let good food go to waste." Ranko grinned.  
  
"Honestly Ranko." Akane sent the box flying as well.  
  
Akane stared at the small ground of people. "Got a problem?" The crowd quickly dispersed. Akane sat back down.  
  
The five inners blinked. Ami gulped, "That happens a lot around you doesn't it?"  
  
Ranko slouched, "Story of my life."  
  
Minako read the time. "C'mon Ranko, let's get your class picture taken before someone else shows up to marry you."  
  
"Fine by me!"  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Minako and Ranko went to the small office where a photographer was set up to take Ranko's class picture. Ranko was amazed at how much effort Minako was going through to create the student Ranko Saotome. Ranko was a little suspicious if there was something more going on.  
  
Two other new students had their pictures taken first. Ranko was up next. Ranko sat on the stool and prepared her pose. Minako undid Ranko's pigtail despite her objections. She fluffed up and combed Ranko's hair and tied a ribbon as a headband. Ranko looked very beautiful. The photographer snapped the photo and told Minako that he will be ready for team photos after gym class.  
  
"Can I have my string back? I want to tie my pigtail." Ranko held out her open hand.  
  
"What string?" Minako shoved the string into subspace.  
  
Ranko grimaced. "Ok, what is going on? Out with it!"  
  
"Oh nothing is going on..." Minako was a poor liar.  
  
Ranko pointed her finger at Minako and shook it as she spoke. "You convince me to come to school as a girl. I wear the dress. Now you are trying to give me a makeover. If I didn't know any better, I would think you're giving me bridal training!"  
  
"Who told you?"  
  
Ranko stopped moving. "My mom?"  
  
Minako smiled from ear to ear.  
  
"Akane's in on it too right?"  
  
Minako actually smiled even more. It looked scary.  
  
Ranko leaned back against the wall and smacked herself on the forehead.  
  
"Ranko, don't be mad." Minako pulled Ranko away from the wall. "Your mom wanted to surprise you by watching your first volleyball game today. She wanted you to look your best."  
  
"I... I... I don't understand. Only a few months ago, she wanted me dead for not being manly enough. Now this?"  
  
"What's to understand? Your mom told me that you were going home tomorrow for bridal training."  
  
Ranko wondered what did mom share with her friends, "Does this training include my new identity as Ranko?"  
  
"Who do you think signed the papers? We were so excited, we thought we'd help you out a little."  
  
Ranko lifted her eyes, "Who is we?"  
  
"Uh..." Minako grinned again.  
  
"I'm going to class." Ranko turned and went to her classroom with a beaming Minako following.  
  
  
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After school, the volleyball team collected outside of the gymnasium. They were going to take pictures before the game. They were all dressed in their volleyball uniforms. Akane was proud of her uniform. It reminded her of her time on the Furinkan volleyball team.  
  
"Say wasabi!" The photographer took several pictures with different poses.  
  
The team grouped together. The coach led them into the gym. The audience had already been seated and the teams were ready. Minako picked five teammates and all six girls went on the court and the game started. Ranko and Akane watched from the bench. They were the relief players. Ranko watched the game intently. She was studying the opposing team looking for weaknesses. She promised Minako that she wouldn't use martial arts or ki based moves. She didn't promise that she wouldn't use martial arts strategy to win.  
  
The game was almost over and Juuban was behind by five points. Minako sent in Akane to replace Yoko. Akane played like a champion. She defended her area and scored two points with expert attacks. Yuka tripped and hurt her ankle. A timeout was called. Ranko was sent it to replace her.  
  
Ranko saw her mother in the audience. She felt good. The game began and Minako served from behind. The ball bounced twice on the other side and Ranko predicted exactly where the ball was going to cross on her side. She intercepted the ball and threw it to Akane who threw it over the net. The ball came back and flew to Gin in the back. She passed it to Ranko who aimed it perfectly over the net, between the other team and onto the court scoring a point.  
  
This was repeated nine times before the final whistle. Juuban won by two points. Akane crept up to Ranko, "Looks like we might get the championship after all."   
  
Ranko placed her arm behind her head. "I still would have rather played on the men's team."  
  
"C'mon you pervert. Let's change and go home." Akane walked off with the team to the locker room.   
  
Nodoka approached Ranko. "Hi Ranko!"  
  
"Hi mom. Glad you could make it."  
  
"I'm so proud of you."  
  
Ranko nervously scratched her head, "Thanks. Well, I got to change so I'll see you in about fifteen minutes. Can you wait for me?"  
  
Nodoka gave a tiny bow. "Of course."  
  
Ranko went to the side entrance reserved for the teaching staff. It was her way of getting to her private shower without having to go through the men's or women's changing room. She was about to open the door when she felt a slight presence of evil. She stopped and concentrated to find the source of the evil. She couldn't find it. She looked around and saw nothing out of the ordinary. She cautiously entered the private changing room.  
  
Ranko showered and changed back into her school dress. She wanted to change back into a guy, but since her mother went to all this trouble, she didn't want to disappoint her. She combed her flowing red hair and tied a new ribbon around the top of her head. The style was very close to the way it looked when she was Sailor Sun. She grabbed her gym bag and met her mother outside. Akane, Ranko and Nodoka went off to the ice cream shop to talk about the game.  
  
Happosai got up from his hiding place. The demon thought to itself, "This one has powers. She should not have been able to sense me." This made the game more fun. The demon had not had a challenge in a very long time.  
  
The real Happosai wanted to jump on Ranko and squeeze her private parts. He screamed again. The demon wouldn't let him. The pain fed the demon well.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next chapter, the bridal training in full swing. Will Ranma survive?  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 21, 2002  
========================================  
burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	8. Bridal Training

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 8 Bridal Training  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or send any more $*(&*#&$ America Online CDs.  
  
  
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The phone rang in the Saotome apartment. Akane was in the bedroom collecting the laundry, "Could you get that?"  
  
Ranma answered the phone, "Yo!"  
  
Ukyou was on the other side, "Hey Ran-chan! How you've you been doing?" Ukyou felt a rush of warmth just listening to Ranma's voice.  
  
"We're doing fine. How about you?"  
  
"Business has been great. The lunch crowd will be here soon. Anyways, I needed to tell you something."  
  
Ranma's face fell. Conversations that started like that usually ended up in someone being hit with a mallet, bonbori or a spatula. "What is it?"  
  
"It's Nabiki. She's going around school asking a lot of questions about you two. You're not in any trouble are you?"  
  
"Well, if you don't count the fact that Happosai unleashed a demon from hell onto the world. No, there is no trouble at all."  
  
"Uh... Say again sugar?"  
  
Ranma sighed, "Happosai released some sort of demon. I think it's after me but it and the old leach have been missing for a few days."  
  
Ukyou was concerned, "Are you sure you're ok? Ranma honey, do you need a place to hide out?" Ukyou smiled with anticipation. She played with the phone cord.  
  
"I doubt it. If that thing really wanted to come after me, it would've done it already. I just hope that the dried up fossil is getting what he deserves."  
  
"Anything I could do to help?"  
  
"Actually, yes you can. Have you seen Happosai in the last few days?"  
  
Ukyou shot glances at her restaurant and the current occupants. She saw two customers that Konatsu was taking care of. "No, and the world is a happier place because of it."  
  
"Well, if you see him. Call me or Akane immediately." Ranma paused and decided to trust Ukyou. "We'll have the Senshi come over and deal with it."  
  
Ukyou got depressed that they were magical girls. She wanted to hang out with them too. "Sure thing sugar. Oh, don't forget to be careful around Nabiki. I think she might be on to you and Akane."  
  
"On to me?"  
  
"She was asking if you learned a new martial arts technique that gives you extra speed. You weren't doing that disappearing act near her were you?"  
  
"Oh, you mean the teleportation? No, I don't think so."  
  
"Just be careful. She's asking questions and she's very determined to get information about you."  
  
"Oh yeah. I know all about Nabiki." Ranma saw that Akane was tying the laundry bag shut. "Thanks for the call. I've got to go."  
  
"Well, if you're in the neighborhood, stop by. I'll make your favorite."  
  
Ranma started to drool. "Yeah! Maybe we could stop by today?"  
  
Customers started to enter and Konatsu sat them at the counter and a booth. "Well, I'll be here all day. Looking forward to seeing you again."  
  
"Bye." Ranma placed the phone on the cradle.  
  
Akane popped out of the bedroom with laundry bag. She pulled out her henshin stick. "Who was that?" She held up the stick to transform.  
  
Ranma gently pushed her hand down. "We're going to have to take the train."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"That was Ukyou on the phone. Nabiki is spying on us and asked about how we got extra speed. I think she is finding out about us." He pointed to Akane's henshin stick.  
  
"First Kasumi, now Nabiki. I guess we really did push our luck. Err... And I'm out of subway tokens." Akane put the stick away in subspace and pulled out some yen from her pocket. "I've got enough money. Oh Nabiki!"  
  
"As far as I know. She doesn't know about us. Well at least Ukyou doesn't think so."  
  
"Well that's good. Wait a second. Ukyou didn't think so? Think what?" Akane dropped the laundry bag.  
  
Ranma closed his eyes in fear. He never told Akane that he confessed to Ukyou about being Sailor Sun. He braced for the mallet strike. He tried one last attempt to save his hide. "She doesn't think Nabiki knows what's going on. She asking random questions about us."  
  
Akane watched Ranma tense his body like he usually did when she struck him. "You told Ukyou didn't you? Ranma! How could you?"  
  
"You told Kasumi!"  
  
"That's different! She's family and she found out!"  
  
"Ukyou found out too!"  
  
"Huh?" Akane was in mid-strike when she stopped her mallet swing. She pulled back the mallet for a fresh blow and held it at the ready. "How did she find out?"  
  
"Konatsu took pictures of both of us after a scout meeting. Remember when all the Scouts beat up Happosai?"  
  
"How could I forget?" Akane sunk and relaxed her hands.  
  
"Konatsu took pictures of our transformations. I got rid of the pictures but the damage was done." Ranma clasped his hands behind his back and studied the floor.  
  
Akane sat down on the couch. "At this rate, all of Nerima is going to know about us."  
  
Ranma sat next to Akane. "Well right now, the only one I'm really worried about is Nabiki. We can't ever let her know about us."  
  
Akane leaned next to Ranma and placed a hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder. "I know. I wish she was more trustworthy."  
  
Ranma turned to look his wife in the eyes, "Akane, Why did you forgive her? She sold us out."  
  
Akane looked back at her husband's blue eyes. She held his face. "She's my sister. She didn't mean any harm. She's just trying to keep our family afloat. It's been so hard all these years."  
  
"There are other ways to make money than selling our address and my girl side photo to Tatewaki. The things she had done to me in last year was... ARGH!" Ranma started to blush thinking of some of the modeling sessions he had to endure to pay back Nabiki for loans.  
  
"You're blushing Ranma!" Akane held back a giggle.  
  
Ranma pulled back and started making hand gestures. "Don't remind me ok! Your sister is a vulture! Scumbag lawyers call her for advice! She would make a great general in the Dark Kingdom!"  
  
"She isn't that bad Ranma." Akane knew Ranma disliked her sister. She didn't think that it was this bad.  
  
Ranma shook his head and stood up. "Well, let's get on the train before your sister arrives in Juuban on her broom." Ranma covered his head and stormed out the door.  
  
Akane picked up her mallet. "RANMA!" She chased him to the apartment building entrance before she caught him.  
  
  
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Nabiki entered the Cat Cafe and looked around for Shampoo. Mousse came to front door. "Oh, hi Naomi. Have a seat. What can I get for you?"  
  
Nabiki tapped Mousse's glasses so that would fall from his forehead onto his nose. Mousse took a good look at Nabiki. "Oh, hi Nabiki!" He gave an embarrassed smile.  
  
"Is Shampoo around?"  
  
"She's on a delivery. She'll be back any minute now."  
  
"Hmm, well maybe you can help. Have you seen Ranma lately?" Nabiki sat back and got comfortable in her chair.  
  
Mousse got a little upset at the mention of Ranma's name. "No."  
  
"Do you know if someone is after him?"  
  
"Everyone is after him for some reason or another. Even my darling Shampoo wants him!" Mousse clenched his fists in anger.  
  
"She's still hung up on him. Pity." Nabiki took a glass of water that was on the table and took a sip.  
  
"Nihao Mousse... Oh Nabiki, what you doing here?" Shampoo jumped through the window carrying her ramen box. "Nabiki want good food today?" Shampoo made her usual smile. Nabiki could tell that it was a forced smile.  
  
"I could use a small bowl of ramen. I'm not that hungry right now."  
  
"Mousse, get beef ramen for Nabiki." She turned to Nabiki, "Beef you favorite, Yes?"  
  
Nabiki nodded, "I'll take the beef today."  
  
Shampoo shooed Mousse away and pulled up a chair. "Nabiki, please tell me. Uh..." Shampoo started to stutter and didn't want to ask her question.  
  
Nabiki listened intently.  
  
Shampoo gathered her courage. Facing the Musk was nowhere as scary as the question she was going to ask. "Tell me. Why Ranma no marry Shampoo?" She gave a look of loneliness and sadness. She was letting her feelings be known.  
  
Nabiki looked down at the table. "You want an honest answer?"  
  
"Please Nabiki."  
  
Nabiki held out her open palm. A second later she realized that this was not the time or place for a little cash. She pulled her hand back. "Shampoo, they're inseparable now." Nabiki took a breath. "My sister loves Ranma and he loves her."  
  
"Why Ranma love violent girl? She only hit him. She yell him. She insult him. She no love him." Shampoo leaned forward onto the table for support. "Shampoo love Ranma. I no yell. I no hit. I no destroy kitchen." She sulked. "I good wife for Ranma. I better than Akane."  
  
Nabiki felt so sorry for Shampoo. She really did care for him. "I don't know. I was so sure until recently that they hated each other." Nabiki thought about the wedding disaster that she helped cause. She wanted the wedding destroyed to prevent her sister from making a huge mistake. Nabiki thought about how happy Ranma and Akane were together. She had a change of heart and tricked them into getting married at city hall the day before the ceremony. "Shampoo, you have to see how they really feel for each other."  
  
"Akane hit Ranma. Akane pervert girl."  
  
Nabiki chuckled, "You call Akane a pervert? You want to marry Ranma too. You'd have to be a little strange to want to marry a guy who is a girl half the time."  
  
Shampoo was about to say something but stopped before she uttered a syllable. She gave thought to what she wanted to say. "Hmm. Ok. Maybe Shampoo little pervert to be with Ranma. Ranma will be good Amazon. Girl type Ranma make great Amazon. Boy type will make great daughters for Shampoo."  
  
Nabiki sighed, there was no reasoning with this girl. She had to get her questions. "Shampoo, do you know if someone is after Ranma?"  
  
"Why? Only danger to Ranma is violent girl." Shampoo crossed her arms and sat up in chair. She had a disgusted look on her face. "She try kill Ranma with cooking."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know. But other than my sister, is there anyone else after Ranma?"  
  
"No. Unless jealous boyfriend want Ranma." Shampoo turned away and looked more disgusted.  
  
"Jealous boyfriend? Who would be jealous?" Nabiki felt she was getting somewhere.  
  
"Shampoo see Ranma yesterday. Ranma sit with many girls. Ranma always with girls." She dropped her disgusted look. "Ranma was girl type. Maybe girl talk." Shampoo touched her lips in thought. "Hmm, maybe no jealous boyfriend. Maybe friends are pervert girls like Akane."  
  
Nabiki let the insult slide. "Who were these girls?"  
  
"I no know. Akane kick Shampoo before I talk with girls."  
  
"So you don't know of anyone who is fighting against Ranma?"  
  
'No. Just pervert girls."  
  
Nabiki thought of another line of questioning. "Is there is contest or challenge that Ranma is training for?"  
  
"Ranma no tell Shampoo. Akane won't let Shampoo talk Ranma. Akane is very violent girl." She sat up and gave a look of a warrior contemplating the defeat of her great rival. Shampoo had respect for Akane's abilities. She wasn't going to challenge her again until she completed the new training she had been putting herself through.  
  
Mousse placed a bowl of Ramen in front of Nabiki. Shampoo shooed Mousse away again. Nabiki picked up the spoon and started eating. "Hmm, pretty good."  
  
"Great Grandmother teach Shampoo to cook ramen." She got sad. "Shampoo want to cook for Ranma."  
  
Nabiki didn't want to answer. She listened as a friend as Shampoo kept repeating how she was a better match for Ranma than Akane was. Nabiki saw in the corner of her eye how Mousse reacted every time Shampoo said "Ranma" or "Airen". Nabiki chose to not try to speak the obvious to Shampoo. Mousse deeply loved her. She just needed to let go of Ranma to be able to see the person who deeply loved her.  
  
Nabiki finished her ramen as Shampoo finally ended her rambling. "Well, thank you for the ramen Shampoo. Nabiki pushed her chair back to get up.  
  
"Nabiki, please tell Ranma... Tell him..." Shampoo bit her lip. She looked at the table. "Tell him..." She trembled ever so slightly. She held her breath for a few seconds, "Please tell him, Shampoo is friend. You tell him, Yes?"  
  
Nabiki was happy. "I'll tell him when I see him." She looked at Mousse. He was sweeping the floor and he had a dried tear on his face. He flashed a tiny smile and then looked away from Shampoo and lost himself in his work.  
  
Nabiki was walking away from the Cafe. "Well, she didn't know anything I could really use except for the girl friends." She thought about all the girls that came from Juuban weeks ago for Ranma's birthday party. They were just school friends and Ranma's tutor. He was probably hanging out with that crowd.   
  
Nabiki started to jog. She had one more stop before her appointment today.  
  
  
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Ranko was wearing a cute kimono. It was one of the kimonos she wore at her waitress job. She put on the last touches of her makeup. "The things I do to keep my mom happy."  
  
"Ranko, this isn't just for your mother and you know it." Akane finished fluffing Ranko's bow on the back of her kimono. Akane turned around to have her kimono's bow close to Ranko. "Can you check my bow?"  
  
Ranko put down her lipstick and checked the back of Akane's kimono. "Looks fine to me." She picked up her makeup and put it in her purse. Ranko stared at the girl in the mirror. She had accepted the girl as being another part of herself. It was an uphill battle to keep the old training her father gave her from manifesting itself into hating her girl side again. Ranko smiled at the mirror, "Hi Ranko! Nice to see you again."  
  
"Talking to yourself?"  
  
Ranko was about to say something stupid. She wisely shut up. She bent over and got the laundry bag. "Shall we go for some training?"  
  
"After you!"  
  
Ranko playfully pushed Akane toward the front door, "No, after you."  
  
Akane nudged Ranko to the door, "After you."  
  
Ranko moved with the nudge and as she got to the corridor she shot back, "Why don't we ride on Nabiki's Nimbus 2000?" She turned and ran for it.  
  
Akane locked the apartment door and ran after Ranko. She waited until the two were on the train, then she malleted Ranko.  
  
  
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Nabiki was at the front door of the Kuno estate. She got to the front door and rang the doorbell. Sasuke opened the door almost immediately. "Greetings Miss Tendo, how may I be of service?"  
  
"Is Kodachi here?"  
  
"Yes she is. She is in the training room. Please follow me."  
  
Sasuke led Nabiki through the twisting halls that made up the vast Kuno estate. Nabiki was impressed at the amount of riches that the Kuno's possessed. Sasuke paused at a large set of ornate wooden double doors. She heard the sound of a group of people playing a sporting game from inside the room. Sasuke opened the door and Nabiki entered.  
  
In the center of the large gymnasium like room, was a volleyball court. Over fifteen girls were gathered from the St. Hebereke High School volleyball team. They were here practicing martial arts volleyball. It was a violent game where the net was used like a slingshot and the volleyball sometimes exploded.  
  
Several girls were on the bench in varying stages of consciousness. The practice session was rough.  
  
Kodachi spotted Nabiki and tossed the volleyball away to a teammate. The girl tapped the ball away and it exploded in mid-air. Kodachi took two large steps and bounded over to Nabiki. "Nabiki! I see you have come to tell me about the divorce!"  
  
"Divorce?" Nabiki began to think that coming here was a bad idea.  
  
"Why of course. You don't think that Ranma would stay married to Akane now did you? Now, when will Ranma's separation be legal so I can move in with him?"  
  
Nabiki was now convinced that coming here was a bad idea. Kodachi was just as blind as her brother. "It will cost 3,000 yen."  
  
"Let's total it and settle the bill before you leave shall we?" Kodachi spun around and her volleyball uniform fell off and a gymnastic leotard remained. Black rose petals started to fly in the air around the insane gymnast.  
  
"I can work with that. Ranma is not divorcing or separating from Akane. Sorry about that."  
  
"Oh, I see. In due time, he will see the error of his ways. Ha ha ha ha!" Kodachi spun her ribbon and the air was thick with black flower petals.  
  
Nabiki had to ask, "Is your brother still after the pig-tailed girl?"  
  
"My brother has a new obsession my dear Nabiki."  
  
"What obsession?"  
  
"You should ask him. He wanted to speak with you at school yesterday, but he fell out of a window daydreaming about his new loves." Behind Kodachi, a girl screamed as the volleyball net entangled her and the opposing side kicked her. Kodachi called out, "That's what you get if you let the net touch you!"  
  
"What are you doing? That's not how you play volleyball."  
  
"It's martial arts volleyball. We've heard about Juuban's new players and challenged them to a match. We'll be playing them next Monday."  
  
Nabiki groaned. She knew who just joined the Juuban team. Ranko and Akane were not going to be thrilled to hear about this. "So you know where Ranma is?"  
  
"Of course. Our team will humiliate his wicked wife Monday. And that dreadful pig-tailed girl will also face me. I just so want to compete against her, especially after she cheated on martial arts gymnastics last year.  
  
Nabiki didn't want to argue. It was Kodachi who was doing all the cheating. Now Nabiki had no choice but to warn her sister about the upcoming match. "I'll see you later." Nabiki turned to leave.  
  
Kodachi leapt next to the door. "My dear brother is awaiting you. Sasuke!"  
  
"Yes mistress Kuno?" Sasuke appeared as if by magic next to Kodachi.  
  
"Escort Miss Tendo to my dear brother."  
  
Nabiki gave a tiny cough, "Don't forget the 3,000 yen."  
  
Kodachi produced three one thousand yen notes and handed them to Nabiki. Nabiki didn't want to know where Kodachi was keeping them.  
  
"Yes mistress Kuno." Sasuke bowed and led Nabiki down another set of corridors. "Please avoid this rug Miss Tendo. It's covering a spike trap."  
  
Nabiki got wide eyed. She avoided the rug.  
  
Sasuke opened the door to Kuno's bedroom. Nabiki saw Tatewaki in bandages on the bed. He was harmless for now.  
  
"Ah, the fair Nabiki Tendo. I have need of your services again."  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "What do you need Kuno baby?"  
  
"I need to know where I can find the location of Sailor Io and the red haired Sailor."  
  
Nabiki was shocked. It sounded so familiar. "The Sailor Scouts keep their identities secret. It will cost you a lot of yen. Are you prepared to pay the price?"  
  
"Sailor Io wishes to date with me." He had hearts in his eyes. "She defeated me in combat after I issued my challenge. The other is a fiery spirit. She is much like the pig-tailed goddess wearing a red dress and red hair. I will date with her as well."  
  
"Oh, Kuno baby, you are so hopeless." Nabiki didn't even want to bother asking Kuno anything. "I'll see what I can find out for you. Be prepared. This will not come cheap."  
  
"After what I saw of the fair Sailor Io and the red haired one. I am prepared to date with them. I will pay your price."  
  
Nabiki was overjoyed. Tatewaki handed her a blank check. Should the bidding start at a million yen? Kuno even had the decency to sign the check in advance. Nabiki had a new mission. She plotted and schemed. It was the first time that she didn't have to sell out her family to make some cash.  
  
Nabiki was walking to her appointment. She was happy that she wouldn't have to hurt Akane's feelings in this transaction with Kuno. Who knows? Maybe Kuno would pick on the Sailor Scouts instead of her sister and her husband.   
  
  
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Akane and Ranko arrived at the Tendo house in the late morning. They brushed off each other's kimonos and went inside. Nodoka was waiting for them dressed in a beautiful kimono. Ranko noticed that strapped to her back was a familiar looking cloth concealing a familiar looking shape. Ranko thought, "I guess she couldn't live without a katana."  
  
The two were surprised to find Makoto and Minako already there dressed in kimonos as well.  
  
Nodoka tapped on the living room table. "Well students, we'll begin in a few minutes. Usagi, Ami and Rei should be here shortly."  
  
Ranko leaned over to Minako. "Is this the 'we' you were talking about?" Minako just smiled.  
  
Ami ran in followed by Rei. Usagi landed on her face after she tripped on the doorframe. She crawled into the living room. The three girls took positions kneeling by the living room table.  
  
Nodoka looked over the seven girls. "Now we will begin learning the fine art of the tea ceremony." Kasumi came from the kitchen in a kimono and held a tray of teacups and teakettles. The training had begun.  
  
  
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Nabiki entered the office building. She went to the fourth floor and talked to the secretary in the dingy little office. She was sent inside and sat in front of the desk of the private investigator she had hired to spy on the Saotomes.  
  
The private eye got down to business. "As agreed, we have had your in-laws under surveillance for two weeks. Here are the photos of interest that we collected." He produced a manila envelope and slid it to Nabiki. She opened it and saw that almost all the pictures had Ranma, Ranko and Akane posing for the camera. All the photos were of daily life; there was nothing that suggested anything out of the ordinary.  
  
Nabiki was disappointed. This cost some money and she hoped that it would get her something more substantial. "And the report?"  
  
The man produced a small stack of papers that were neatly printed from a computer. "Here you go. You will find that every move they made is documented."  
  
Nabiki picked up a sheet. It had the day, time and location in minute detail of where Ranma and Akane were for the last fourteen days. She spotted an error quickly. "According to this, my sister was home a few days ago. That's impossible, she was at my house visiting Ranma's mother."  
  
The investigator leaned forward and took the sheet. "No, she was in her apartment with her husband at 10:10 that evening. They shut the drapes and turned out the lights. We had cameras on all exits. They didn't leave the building.  
  
"You said 10:10? You sure about that?"  
  
"I am positive. I was on watch that night. We pride ourselves on accuracy."  
  
Nabiki was completely confused. They arrived at the dojo at 10:20 or 10:25. There was no way they could have traveled from Juuban to Nerima in 10 minutes. Nabiki started leafing through the surveillance logs.  
  
The investigator pulled out another envelope. "We did collect some other photos. However, they are not of your family."  
  
Nabiki held out her hand to get the envelope. The man pulled it back and opened a palm. He gave a knowing smile. He did his job well.  
  
"How much?"  
  
"200,000 yen. Take it or leave it."  
  
Nabiki was going to tell him to stuff it. She had a thought. This man knew she wanted these photos and she did have the blank check from Kuno. "Let's see what we got."  
  
Nabiki spent over ten minutes looking over the photos. It was of three Sailor Scouts inside and near the apartment building and the high school. She recognized all three of them. Sailor Io she met at the sushi bar. The other two, Sailor Sun and Sailor Jupiter were on news reports during the Dark Kingdom invasion months ago.  
  
The investigator gave a small lecture to Nabiki that the Japanese government protects the Senshi and that if she attempted to publish these photos, then she would be in serious trouble.  
  
Nabiki was on her way home. Sailor Sun fit the description that Kuno gave about a red dress and red haired Senshi. These photos were worth the price she paid for them. Kuno would be pleased.  
  
  
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Ranma poured the cold water on himself again. "Usagi, please stop splashing me with hot tea!"  
  
"I'm sorry Ranko! Whoops!" Usagi tipped over another cup of tea in Ranko's lap. This time it wasn't warm enough to trigger the change but it did start to stain her kimono.  
  
"Mom, please excuse me, I need to change my clothes." Ranko was about to stand up went Nodoka made a bow to show that Ranko should do the same. Ranko bowed and with feminine grace got up to go to Akane's bedroom to change.  
  
Kasumi followed, "I think one of Nabiki's older kimonos might fit you." She went upstairs to help Ranko find a clean kimono.  
  
Rei and Minako scooted away from Usagi. They didn't want to be her next victim.  
  
Usagi started to cry. "I'm never going to get this right!"  
  
Nodoka kneeled next to Usagi, "Please don't cry like that. It's not proper at tea ceremony to act that way. Let me show you how to hold the cup again."  
  
Usagi watched Nodoka hold the teacup and she tried to do the same. It popped out of her hands, flew in the air and landed on Rei's head.  
  
Rei removed her plastic hat and reached for a towel. "Thanks meatball head."  
  
The other girls started to laugh. A moment later, Rei laughed as well.  
  
  
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The door knocked at the Kuno residence a second time. Nabiki had stopped by the copy store and made a perfect set of photos for Kuno to frame of his new found loves. Sasuke answered the door, "Miss Tendo, back so soon?"  
  
"Show me to Tatewaki please. I have something he requested."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Nabiki went to Tatewaki's bedside. "As promised. It's going to cost a million yen."  
  
Tatewaki shuddered under the bandages. "Show me."  
  
Nabiki pulled out a photo of Sailor Sun running in front of the school facing the camera. She held her hand in a 'V' as she posed. Tatewaki was pleased. "You got a picture when she was gazing at me!"  
  
Nabiki wondered what he meant by that. She pulled out a second photo. This one was of Sailor Io in front of the sushi bar. The investigator was watching Ranko but was able to catch Sailor Io while they were there.  
  
Several other photos were of similar quality. Every picture was posed. The Sailor Scouts knew that they were on camera so there were no pictures in the set that gave any clue as to who the really were.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I agree to your price. As always Nabiki Tendo, you have not failed me."  
  
Nabiki wrote the sum of one million yen on the blank check. "Pleasure doing business with you." Sasuke showed her to the door.  
  
Tatewaki held the pictures of Sailor Sun and Io to his chest. He had hearts in his eyes. "I will date with you."  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Usagi had bandages on her hands. The girls all left the Tendo household to go to the train station. Rei shook her head, "Usagi, how can you mangle your hands hanging the laundry?"  
  
Usagi looked at her bandages, "The clothespins pinched me."  
  
Ami and Minako giggled. Akane was still thinking about the fire she caused in the kitchen when she put the aluminum-baking tray in the microwave. Ranko was trying to forget the four times that Usagi changed her into a guy by spilling hot tea on her.  
  
Ami blurted out. "I can't wait to come next Saturday. This was fun!" Ranko, Akane and Usagi gave a collective groan.  
  
Ranko stood in front of the group. "Hey! Anyone want Okonomiyaki?"  
  
Usagi replied, "Is it good?"  
  
Ranko wanted Ukyou to meet her new friends, "I know someone who can cook the best!"  
  
"Why not?" Rei wanted to try something new.  
  
Akane thought about it. Ukyou was a friend and she did miss her company. "Ok! I can't wait to have one of her combinations"  
  
"Let's go!" cried the crowd in unison.  
  
  
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Nabiki saw the group of kimono clad girls leave the dojo. She went inside and saw Nodoka and Kasumi drinking tea. Genma was in the backyard as a panda playing with a tire. Soun was out at a town meeting.  
  
She was so proud of her deal. She had to share. "Hey there! Looks like I've got the groceries taken care of for a while!"  
  
Nodoka gave a suspicious look to Nabiki. Kasumi clapped her hands together. "That's wonderful Nabiki! Did your investments pay off?"  
  
Nabiki smiled and sat down to drink tea with them. "You could say that. I was able to get some photos." Nodoka gave a stern look at Nabiki and held her new wrapped katana. "No, they aren't of our family." Nodoka relaxed her grip.  
  
"Photos?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"Yeah. Tatewaki Kuno has a new obsession. I think he's going to leave Ranma and Akane alone for a change."  
  
Nodoka breathed a sigh of relief. "Well that's wonderful news." She took a sip of tea. Kasumi drank as well.  
  
"Yeah, Kuno now wants to date Sailor Sun and Io."  
  
Nodoka and Kasumi spit out their tea and gagged.  
  
Nabiki jumped back, "Was it something I said?"  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next chapter, the demon makes a move.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 21, 2002  
========================================  
burger@contrabandent.com  
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	9. The first victim

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 9 The first victim  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or call me at dinnertime to ask me to refinance my house. The answer is still NO!!!  
  
  
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Ucchan's had a full crowd. Ukyou was totally swamped filling orders for her famous Okonomiyaki. She wished that Ranma could come and help out once in a while. Who was she kidding? She wanted him to help out forever.  
  
A group of kimono clad girls entered and Konatsu wrapped up taking an order from another customer to escort the girls to the large circular booth in the back. Konatsu did a double take as he noticed that Ranko and Akane were among the group. "Ranma? Why are you dressed in a kimono?"  
  
Usagi looked up at Konatsu, "We were at bridal training!" She smiled and tried to slide into the booth. Her hair got caught in the seat cushions. "OW!" She worked it loose and slid to the center of the chair.  
  
Konatsu was green with envy. "Bridal training? You're so lucky. I never had bridal training. Is there more room in the class for another student?"  
  
Akane and Ranko giggled while Usagi kept up the conversation, "I think so. I'll ask Nodoka if she can take..." Ranko elbowed Usagi.  
  
Ranko told Konatsu, "It's private training from my mom just for us."  
  
Usagi whispered to Ranko, "That was rude."  
  
Ranko whispered back, "He's a guy."  
  
Usagi looked at Konatsu, she whispered back, "Did she fall in Jusenkyo?"  
  
"No, he is a guy. He just dresses like a girl."  
  
"Oh." Usagi was completely convinced that Nerima was another planet. She was not on earth.  
  
Konatsu heard what was said through his ninja skills. He felt a little sad that Ranko would insult his lifestyle. He pulled out his order pad, "What can I get for you girls to drink?"  
  
"Coke. Diet Coke. Water. Water. Tea. Tea. Diet Coke." The girls called out.  
  
"I'll get your drinks." Konatsu turned to Ranko, "I'll tell the mistress you're here." Ranko nodded an approval. Konatsu went to get the drinks.  
  
Usagi faced Ranko, "She's a guy? Are you sure? She sure looks like a girl to me?"  
  
Akane leaned forward and spoke in a soft voice, "It's a long story." She turned to Ranko, "Don't hurt his feelings and don't talk about that anymore."  
  
Rei was flabbergasted, "Everything is a long story around here."  
  
Minako laughed and put her head on Makoto's shoulder. Makoto moved a bit to accommodate Minako's tirade of laughter, "What's so funny Minako?"  
  
Minako looked Makoto in the eye; "You've finally found a guy that doesn't look like your old boyfriend!" Everyone started to giggle except Makoto. Makoto groaned.  
  
Ukyou called out from the grill. "Ran-chan! Could you give me a hand?" Ranko looked at Akane. Akane shrugged and both got up to go over to Ukyou.  
  
Ukyou was flipping eight pizzas at once. "Hey you two, could you help out for just a few minutes?" She pointed to some finished okonomiyaki with her spatula. "Those go to the booth in the front and that one goes to the guy with the hat at the end of the counter."  
  
Ranko and Akane took the meals to the proper customers. They already had practice working at Ucchan's. In a few minutes, all the food was served. Konatsu took the orders from the other girls and Ukyou started cooking the usual orders for Ranko and Akane.  
  
Ranko went back to Ukyou as she was cooking their group's meals. "So Ran-chan, who are your friends? Are they the ones from Juuban?"  
  
"Yep. We all showed up for bridal training that my mom was teaching."  
  
Akane sat next to Ranko at the counter. Ukyou noticed that all of them were wearing kimonos. "Bridal training? YOU were in bridal training? Ha ha ha..." She almost dropped the okonomiyaki she was flipping because of her laughter.  
  
"It was my mom's idea."  
  
"Here sugar." She handed Ranko a plate with Ranko's meal.  
  
Munch. Munch. "More please?"  
  
Ukyou shot a gaze to the ceiling for a second. "You're a bottomless pit, you know that."  
  
Akane nodded her head, "That's Ranko."  
  
Ranko smirked, "Hey! I'm a growing girl."  
  
"Girl? You really are Ranko now aren't you sugar."  
  
Ranko waved her hands in front of her kimono. "Would Ranma wear this?"  
  
Ukyou put her spatulas down and held her arms akimbo, "If it would piss off Ryoga. YES!"  
  
Ranko was wondering about her old rival, "Hey! Where has pork butt gone? Have you heard from him lately?"  
  
"Hadn't seen him since his wedding. Akari probably chained him up at the farmhouse so he wouldn't get lost again."  
  
Akane played with a spatula, "I miss P-chan."  
  
Ranko put her hand on Akane's shoulder, "He's happy now that he's married to Akari."  
  
"Yeah I know. But I still miss that little piggy."  
  
Ukyou raised her eyebrows and had a revelation. Akane knew about P-Chan. "Uh... Akane, how long have you known about Ryoga?"  
  
Akane looked up to Ukyou, "Oh, about three or four weeks ago."  
  
Ranko put her elbows down on the table and rested her head in her hands. "Yeah, and you tried to kill him. You chased him all throughout the hospital, through the refugee camp and out into food center. It wasn't until he jumped into my arms and I tele... Oops."  
  
Ukyou was shocked and confused, "Refugee camp? Hospital? What are you talking about?"  
  
Akane dropped her face onto the counter. Ranko was remembering events in an alternate timeline. A timeline that only the Senshi knew about.  
  
Ranko smiled a huge grin. "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."  
  
Ukyou gave a look of suspicion to Ranko. "Nothing at all? Yeah right. Out with it sugar."  
  
Ranko made a sheepish look, "I can't talk about that. Sorry."  
  
Ukyou dropped her gaze to the grill. It must have been Senshi business. She felt truly left out.  
  
Akane sighed and went back to the booth. She tugged on Ranko to follow. Ranko glanced at the other girls and turned back to Ukyou, "I've got to join the others. I've ignored them too long."  
  
Usagi waved to Ukyou. She asked Ranma, "What was her name again?"  
  
Ranko drank her water, "You forgot? It's Ukyou Kuonji. She was one of my fiances."  
  
Usagi saw Ukyou's sad face as she was cooking, "And she isn't trying to drag you off to the wedding chapel?"  
  
"She would if I gave her the ok. She's my best friend. I've known her since I was a little girl uh... I mean boy." Ranko shuddered at her slip of the tongue.  
  
Minako nodded in approval. Akane leaned back and enjoyed the new shade of red Ranko turned to as she started to squirm. Konatsu started placing plates of food in front of the girls. He put down the mayonnaise bottles and the sauce jars in the center of the table.  
  
Usagi squirted mayonnaise and made a mess in front of her. She took a bite of her pizza, "This is pretty good!"  
  
Rei and Ami both nodded in approval. Makoto was amazed, "Wow! I want the recipe!"  
  
Ukyou stood at the edge of the table, "Well if you ask nicely, maybe I might share my secrets."  
  
Ranko reintroduced the other girls to Ukyou. Ukyou reminded Ranko that she had met these girls at her birthday party a while ago but was happy to be reintroduced again. They exchanged small talk with Ukyou leaving the table from time to time to cook meals for the other customers.  
  
Ami asked the Saotomes, "Why does she wear that giant spatula?"  
  
Akane put down her spatula, "Oh, she's a martial artist. She practices martial arts cooking. She uses it as a weapon or for cooking large okonomiyaki."  
  
Makoto dropped her jaw. "Is everything in this town based on martial arts?"  
  
Ranko swallowed her food, "Yes."  
  
Akane added, "Definitely."  
  
Ranko noticed the time, "Oh no! I've got to get to work in ten minutes!" Ranko jumped out of the booth and ran to the girl's restroom to get ready for her job.  
  
Akane wiped her face with her napkin and got up. "I've got to help her with her makeup. Be right back."  
  
Ami gave it a thought, "Does she work around here?"  
  
Minako nodded, "No, she works near Tokyo Bay. There is no way she's getting to Juuban in ten minutes by train."  
  
Ami shook her head. She knew how Ranko was getting across town, "I wish I could teleport by myself."  
  
Makoto took her last bite, "Me too."  
  
Konatsu was listening to the conversation. His ninja skills allowed him to hear them without them noticing. He bowed to a customer as he left the restaurant. He noted that there were only five other customers left and they were all at the front. They were all out of earshot to the girls in the back.  
  
Konatsu went back to the five girls and asked if they needed anything. He paid attention to each one's faces. He wanted to figure out which Sailor Scout each was. He couldn't make the connection. He was certain that these were the Senshi. He was amazed that they were all just young girls.  
  
He heard Ranko complaining about her kimono's bow. He went to the restroom door and knocked. "Do you need any help in there?"  
  
Akane answered, "No, we're fine." A moment later, Akane came out and stood guard to the restroom door. When Konatsu went to front of the store, she tapped the door twice and a flash of light came from under the door. A moment later another flash occurred and Akane went back in the restroom to make sure Ranko didn't leave anything behind. Akane went back to the booth.  
  
"Usagi, Ranko went to work. So it's just us now." Akane started to finish her meal.  
  
Usagi was bummed, "Why can Sun teleport by herself and I can't?"  
  
Rei coughed and hit Usagi hard with her elbow. "Can it."  
  
"Rei! Stop hitting me!"   
  
"Teleport?" Ukyou was standing by the edge of the table.  
  
Usagi backpedaled like no one's business, "Yeah, wouldn't it be neat to teleport like in the cartoons?" She smiled.  
  
Ukyou checked if anyone was listening. "Are you Sailor Moon or Venus?"  
  
Usagi turned pale. "I wish I was Sailor Moon. That would be neat."  
  
Akane was chewing her food really slowly.  
  
Ukyou crossed her arms, "I wasn't born yesterday sister." She pointed to Makoto, "You're Jupiter or Mars." She pointed to Ami, "Mars or Mercury." She pointed to Minako, "Moon or Venus." She pointed to Rei and jiggled her hand in contemplation, "I would bet that you're Sailor Mars."  
  
The girls were wondering how they could dispose of Ukyou's body without attracting attention. Rei spoke up, "You think I look like Sailor Mars? I'm touched. I mean she's the cutest of them all." Usagi coughed.  
  
Ami was curious, "Why do you think I look like Sailor Mercury?"  
  
Ukyou pulled up a chair. "I'm not stupid. You can pretend all you want." She sighed and looked away. "Don't worry, I won't tell." She made a very sad expression on her teary eyed face and went back to her grill.  
  
Ami saw Akane's demeanor. "Akane? Does she know about you?"  
  
All the girls put Akane on the spot. Usagi whispered, "Does she know! It's supposed to be a secret!"  
  
Akane put down her spatula. "I didn't tell her."  
  
Ami leaned closer to Akane, "The disguise field is supposed to keep people from finding out. How did... Oh, she's Ranko's best friend. I get it."  
  
Akane knew they were going to punish Ranko for this. She had to defend her, "It wasn't her fault either."  
  
Usagi was gripping the table in anger. "What do you mean by that?" She wanted to punish someone.  
  
Akane made sure that Ukyou was out of earshot. "Konatsu spied on all of us. He got pictures. Ranko found out and destroyed the evidence but she couldn't erase their memories. Those two know about us."  
  
Ami corrected her, "They know about you. She didn't seem to be sure about me or the rest of us."  
  
"Yes, they know about Ranko and I. Ranko kept it a secret even from me until recently."  
  
Usagi sighed, "Can we trust them?"  
  
"I've known them long enough. Yes, we can trust them."  
  
Konatsu appeared out of nowhere, "Thank you! It is an honor to be trusted by the Senshi." He bowed.  
  
Rei looked around, she could have sworn that Konatsu was standing at the front of the restaurant just a second ago. "How did you? Uh..."  
  
Konatsu bowed again, "I am skilled in the techniques of the ninja. If you ever need my services, please call upon me. I will be happy to serve my princess." He bowed directly at Usagi.  
  
Usagi sat up and was happy. She was about to say something when Rei and Akane bumped her to keep quiet. Konatsu went back to the front to fill the customer's water glasses with a smile on his face.  
  
Akane tossed the last of her food in her mouth. "Well you've got another loyal subject your highness."  
  
Ami slid out of the booth. "Well we'd better go before the rest of Nerima figures out our identities."  
  
Ukyou saw the girls were getting ready to leave. She went over to them. Usagi trembled a bit. She was afraid of more embarrassing questions. Ukyou was trying hard to show a happy face. "It's on the house girls!"  
  
"Thanks!" They said.  
  
Akane was getting out her purse, "You sure Ukyou?"  
  
"Any friend of Ran-chan is a friend of mine." She directed her words to Usagi. She had a feeling the she or Minako was Sailor Moon, the leader of the Senshi.  
  
Usagi answered, "Thanks Ukyou." She and the others went to the entrance to leave.  
  
Ukyou held Akane back. "Akane, if you ever need help. You can count on me." Ukyou actually became full of life again.  
  
Akane finally understood why Ukyou was so sad. "Sure Ukyou." Akane left to join the others.  
  
Ukyou walked outside and watched the girls walk out of sight. Konatsu stood beside her. "Ukyou, they follow a different path than we do."  
  
Ukyou stared at the people walking by, "I don't know if I want to follow my path anymore. I just don't know what I want anymore."  
  
  
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Nabiki patted Kasumi's back to help clear her throat. Nodoka had already recovered from her coughing attack. "Ok you two. What gives?"  
  
Nodoka cleared her throat. "Nothing gives Nabiki. I'm just surprised that Kuno would risk the wrath of the Sailor Senshi."  
  
Kasumi breathed slowly and coughed. "Why are you still selling information to Kuno?"  
  
"You already know Kasumi. Dad barely makes enough more to pay the electric bill. If I didn't bring money into this household, we'd be out on the street in a month."  
  
Nodoka sat erect, "Nabiki, you make money in stocks and investments. You don't need to also make money from extortion and pornography."  
  
Nabiki took offense, "I don't sell porn mother."  
  
Kasumi put her teacup down and held her hands together in front of her. "You sell photos of Akane and Ranko in underwear and swimwear. That was close enough Nabiki."  
  
Nodoka grasped her cloth wrapped katana, "Ranma has told me about your methods of extracting money from him. I would call that extortion."  
  
"Mother, I do what I need to do to keep our family afloat. I'm not trying to hurt anyone." Nabiki relaxed a little bit. "Why do you think I'm happy that Tatewaki seems to be obsessed with someone other than my sister. The Sailor Senshi can take care of Kuno. I saw it myself when Sailor Io beat the stuffing out of Kuno."  
  
Nodoka held her katana tightly, "You saw Sailor Io? Where?"  
  
"I was at a restaurant with Kuno a week ago." She held her head in hand to cover up the bad memories, "How was I supposed to know that Ranko worked there. Kuno grabbed her and caused a scene. Sailor Io shows up drags Kuno outside and throws Lava at him. She beat him over the head with a mallet and left him in a crater."  
  
Kasumi and Nodoka exchanged worried looks. Nodoka asked, "So what did you give Tatewaki?"  
  
Nabiki laughed, "Give? I never give anything to him. He bought some photos I got of Sailor Io and Sailor Sun. They were really nothing special. He was so obsessed with them that he was willing to pay any price for any pictures of those girls."  
  
Kasumi breathed a sigh of relief, "Can I see these photos? Do you still have them?"  
  
"Sure sis." Nabiki reached into her bag and handed her the photos. Nodoka slid next to Kasumi and they looked at all the pictures. They were just action shots and simple poses but nothing that would give away their true identities. As each photo was seen, the two women became more casual and relaxed. Nabiki was very curious why they had an interest in these pictures in the first place.  
  
Kasumi went back into her patented smile, "These are nice." Nodoka took the pictures and looked at a photo of Sailor Sun throwing a fireball down a street. Sun was a warrior in combat against a lethal foe. She was proud at seeing her daughter protecting love and justice.  
  
Nabiki had had enough. "Ok you two. Why do you care about the Senshi?"  
  
Kasumi was surprised, "They are the defenders of love and justice. How can you not care about them Nabiki? They risk their lives to protect us from evil."  
  
"That's why I'm glad that Kuno is pining over them instead of my sister and her husband. The Senshi have nothing to fear from Kuno. If anything, it's Kuno who should be the one that's afraid."  
  
Kasumi and Nodoka couldn't see a flaw in Nabiki's logic. She was actually trying to take the heat away from the Saotome couple but she had no clue that the two Senshi were the same couple. Nodoka thought of an escape clause, "Nabiki, here is some advice for you. If Kuno does something stupid to the Senshi, they might find out who gave him the information and come after you. Do you want to make enemies with the Sailor Senshi?"  
  
"No. Not really."  
  
Kasumi reached her arm out and held her sister's shoulder. "I know you mean well Nabiki. Please, don't get the Senshi mad at you." Kasumi pointed to the wall that Shampoo destroyed a few weeks ago but was currently repaired. "It the Senshi came here looking for you, they could level our home in a few blows. I really don't want to have to call the carpenter to rebuild our house again."  
  
Nabiki thought about how much that was going to cost. A Senshi or youma attack was specifically not covered in their homeowner's insurance policy. It was hard enough getting insurance that covered crazed martial artists.  
  
"Ok, I'll try not to make the Senshi mad at me."  
  
Both older women nodded their approval. Nodoka didn't believe that Nabiki would offer a blanket promise to avoid the Senshi. This promise was at least a start.  
  
"Oh, wait a minute." Nabiki remember that she needed to talk to Ranma. "Do you know where Ranma is right now? I need to talk to him."  
  
Nodoka didn't trust her, "Why?"  
  
"I have something to warn him about."  
  
"Warn him?"  
  
"It's Kodachi. She is challenging Juuban to a game of martial arts volleyball. He needs to know that Kodachi is on the team. She'll be cheating."  
  
Nodoka accepted this answer, "Ranko is at work at Edokko sushi. She should be there around now."  
  
"I'll call her then during her break." Nabiki poured herself some tea.  
  
  
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Jusenkyo. The pools of sorrow, the pools of pain, the pools that ruin lives or were the source of rebirth and salvation. It was among these cursed springs that thousands of people throughout the ages found their lives ruined, destroyed or turned around for the better. The gods that created the springs never let their true intentions be known. They worked for their own ends.  
  
Happosai approached the guide's hut. He had strapped to his back a steel drum. He stopped outside the hut and put the drum down. He turned to see the bamboo poles sticking out of the low-lying mist covering the springs.  
  
"Ah! Welcome honored guest to training grounds of cursed springs, Jusenkyo." The guide emerged from the hut. Plum was sitting in the window and looked at the new victim, uh... customer.  
  
Happosai bowed to the guide. "I have come a great distance. I have need of water from the Nannichuan."  
  
"Honorable sir. It is very bad you fall in spring! Why you want Nannichuan? No affect you. You man already."  
  
"It's for a friend. Please point out the spring of drowned man."  
  
"I take you. Follow me." The guide took the old fossil to the spring that some people would kill to jump into. Happosai put down the empty drum. He glowed a sickly yellow color and the guide stood back. Some water floated out of the spring and flowed into the drum until the drum was full. Happosai put the lid on and sealed it.  
  
"Thank you for helping me. Now, I must go back home." Happosai hopped onto the top of the drum. He began a chant in an ancient tongue and he and the drum slowly faded away.  
  
"You very strange guest." The guide went back to his hut. He didn't want to miss his soap opera.  
  
  
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Happosai appeared near the Juuban gymnasium locker room. He appeared with the drum on top of a platform he constructed on the building's roof. He quickly attached the drum to the water intake. He was pleased with his work.  
  
In a demonic voice he spoke to the trapped mind of the real Happosai, "Soon your favorite female will be no more."  
  
Happosai spoke in his normal voice, "Ranma won't fall for it."  
  
The voice changed to a low bass. "Yes he will and you won't get to touch those lovely breasts anymore."  
  
The normal voice spoke, "I said I'm sorry already! Why do you torment me like this?"  
  
"You don't understand do you?"  
  
Happosai pleaded, "What's to understand? You get off in torturing me."  
  
"So you do understand. Good. After the girl is dead, then I will deal the final blow to you."  
  
"Please, don't do that. I can't live without that. You know that."  
  
The demon was pleased. "That's the idea." The demon cut off Happosai's ability to speak. It wasn't sure that the Nannichuan was genuine. It needed to test it. The demon invoked a deep magic to tie the Nannichuan to its powerful aura. It changed the curse. It made it permanent. Happosai grabbed a super soaker water gun it had hidden and filled it with the magic water. He pumped the gun and pulled the trigger at a wall. The gun worked perfectly. He gave out an evil laugh.  
  
"Hmm, who could I test this on that would cause terrible pain and suffering other than on Ranma? He scanned Happosai's memory and found someone worthy of inflicting pain onto."  
  
"Oh, that's a good one. Ha ha ha!" He chanted and disappeared.  
  
  
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North of Itabashi, in the foothills laid a small pig farm. Akari Hibiki was getting water from the well when water hit her from nowhere. "Hey!" The voice dropped an octave. "Watch what you're doing! Wait! AHHHHHH!!!! RYOGA!"  
  
Ryoga jumped out of the second story window from the farmhouse and landed on the front driveway. He ran as fast as he could to the stranger's voice. He got to the well and saw Akari soaked in water facing away from him. She seemed to have grown a few centimeters and gained some weight. "Akari! Is there someone with you?"  
  
He grabbed his wife's shoulder and spun her around. He held back a scream as he saw that his wife was now a he. "Akari?"  
  
"Oh Ryoga!" Akari grabbed Ryoga around the waist. He was still shorter than Ryoga and his hair was still black with pink highlights. Akari was now a man. It disgusted Ryoga. He couldn't return the hug. He saw Happosai fade away holding a squirt gun.  
  
Ryoga gritted his teeth and shouted in pure rage. "RANMA!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!"  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next episode, more magic is needed for the final plan. What is the final plan?  
  
Please review my story. It make me feel oh so happy and prevents me from killing all my neighbors.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 23, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
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	10. The second victim

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 10 The second victim  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me write bad checks.  
  
  
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Akari was weeping holding his beloved husband. "WHY ME?"  
  
Ryoga was awash in conflicting emotions. He wanted to storm off, hire a cab, be taken to Nerima and kill Happosai for what he had done to his beloved Akari. He would then kill Ranma because he just had to be the root cause of this in the first place. Ranma was always the source of all the trouble in Ryoga's life. Well, it just felt that way anyways.  
  
Ryoga wanted to embrace his wife. Akari was still a girl inside even though he barely fit in his dress right now. He closed his eyes and tried not to this about his wife's current gender. He slowly held him and he trembled and held Ryoga tighter. "Ryoga..." Akari whimpered.  
  
"There there..." Ryoga petted Akari's long hair. From Ryoga's view of Akari's back, he still looked female. "I'll find a way to change you back. We've got to go to China and find the springs."  
  
"Is... Is this how it feels like to be cursed?" Akari buried his head into Ryoga's chest holding him tight.  
  
Ryoga looked at the sky. "You're lucky. You could have been turned into a duck or a cat or..."  
  
Akari smiled. "A pig?"  
  
Ryoga sighed, "Yes, a pig."  
  
Akari looked up at Ryoga. "But you're so cute like a pig." He smiled.  
  
Ryoga couldn't help but smile back. Even as a guy, Akari still had that happy glow when he looked at Ryoga. Ryoga had a flash of inspiration. "Akari! Hot water!"  
  
"Oh my god! Let's go!" The two ran to the farmhouse as fast as they could. Akari tripped and fell and pulled off his tight shoes that were starting to hurt his feet. Ryoga made it to the kitchen and turned on the hot water. Akari came a minute later as Ryoga filled a glass.  
  
Ryoga held the water near Akari. "Ok, I splash you with hot water and you'll be back to normal." He poured the water on Akari's head.  
  
Akari felt better. He looked at Ryoga, "There, I'm back to normal."  
  
Ryoga blinked. He poured some more hot water on Akari.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
He poured more hot water.  
  
"I'm getting soaked!" Akari looked down and saw that he didn't change.  
  
Ryoga turned the sink back on. "I guess it wasn't hot enough." The water started steaming as it reached the maximum temperature. Ryoga filled his glass and the cup started to be too hot to hold.  
  
"Akari, this might hurt a bit." Ryoga splashed some of the very hot water on Akari's chest so the pain wouldn't be as bad as on the face. Akari yelped in pain. Ryoga put down the glass and fanned Akari's blouse to quickly cool it off.  
  
Akari's lip quivered and he had a look of fear in his eyes. "I don't want to stay like this Ryoga." He was feeling anguish and pain. Somewhere a demon was enjoying itself.  
  
"You won't stay this way. I'll find you a cure." He raised a tight fist in the air. "I'll beat it out of Ranma!"  
  
"Ranma? It was Happosai who did this to me."  
  
"He was probably trying to get you to get at Ranma!"  
  
Akari cocked his head to the side. "Huh? That doesn't make sense. Why do you blame Ranma for everything?"  
  
Ryoga as about to say something but he had no real answer. "Uh... Well... Hmmm..."  
  
Akari crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "Well? Why is this Ranma's fault? I think we should find Happosai and get him to change me back."  
  
Ryoga felt bad. He always blamed Ranma for everything. He still believed that somehow Ranma was the cause of this. "Ok, let's find Happosai and beat the cure out of him."  
  
Ryoga examined Akari's clothes. "Let's first find you some clothes that fit you." Ryoga led his male wife upstairs to their bedroom. Ryoga was thankful that Akari's grandfather was in town getting pig feed. He didn't want to explain this disaster to his grandfather-in-law. Ryoga rummaged through Akari's clothes and found a jumper that didn't look funny on a guy. Almost everything Akari owned was covered with images of flowers or pigs. Akari didn't a have trace of maleness in him. Ryoga had to find a cure. Akari couldn't exist as a man.  
  
Akari was changing his clothes. Ryoga pulled his backpack out of the closet and started filling it with supplies. He thought, "Let's see, Nerima is about thirty kilometers from here. Or was it forty kilometers? Ok, I'll need about a weeks supply of food." He filled the backpack with cans, a can opener and dried foods that would last a while. Ryoga had a lot of practice going on long journeys. Ryoga put his backpack on. He went to the front closet and grabbed his umbrella.  
  
Akari was waiting for him at the front door. He was smiling. "Uh, I had to borrow your underwear. That's ok right?"  
  
"That's ok."  
  
Akari's face changed to a look of excitement, "Is this how you started one of your adventures?"  
  
Ryoga looked at Akari. Akari was a hopelessly cute guy with feminine features. Ryoga shook his head in disbelief. He actually liked the way he looked. "Yes Akari, this is how they start. Ranma pisses someone off and I have to rescue him or Akane."  
  
Akari was excited and scared. Ryoga was pissed and depressed. They walked out the door and Akari called Katsunishiki. He had to take some time to convince the pig that it was Akari. Once the pig trusted him, they got on the pig's back and Ryoga pointed the way north. A few moments later, Akari was steering the pig to the south towards Nerima.  
  
  
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The demon in Happosai was overjoyed. The water worked perfectly. The base curse was endowed with the magic that was being powered by Happosai's pain and suffering. It was a permanent transformation spell.  
  
The demon spoke to Happosai. "Just think about it Happosai. No more breasts, no more red head, no more girl type Ranma!"  
  
Happosai spoke inside his mind to the demon, "You fiend! This isn't why I summoned you! Boo hoo hoo! No more pretty lady!"  
  
The demon fed off the pain and despair. "That's right. Feed me! FEED ME!" It refilled the squirt gun. "Now it's time for the red headed bimbo to die!"  
  
Happosai screamed in agony. "NOOO! Not girl type Ranma! Squirt Akane! Squirt Nabiki! Not girl type Ranma! She's the one with the biggest breasts!"  
  
  
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Ukyou waved to her last customer of the night. Konatsu took down the shop curtain and locked the front door. Ukyou was deep in thought as she cleaned off the grill. Konatsu swept the floor, wiped the tables and put the seats up on the counter.  
  
He had put away his things in the supply closet when he saw his mistress sitting in a booth sulking. He appeared in the seat opposite from her. "What's wrong?"  
  
Ukyou put her head down into her folded arms on the table. "Nothing. Everything. I don't know."  
  
"It's alright Mistress. Things are alright."  
  
Ukyou inhaled and held her breath. She slowly let the air out. "Once, I had a dream. I wanted to have a husband, children and to be the best okonomiyaki chef in the world. I wanted to make my father proud of me. Then my father's cart was stolen and I lost my dream. I had a new dream. I wanted to punish the Saotomes for ruining my reputation and my life."  
  
Konatsu listened with empathy. His life until now was not much better.  
  
"I studied martial arts for years to prepare myself for that day. I found that idiot Genma and took my revenge." She gave a blank look. "I didn't feel any better. I wanted to punish Ranma and he... He... He said I was cute." Ukyou started shedding tears. "I had my old dream again. I wanted to be a good wife, a good mother and a great cook. My dream is gone again."  
  
Ukyou turned her head to wipe away the tears, "I saw the Senshi on TV when they were fighting those demons. I wanted to be one of them. If I couldn't be a wife, maybe I would be a magical girl fighting for love and justice."  
  
Ukyou start to give a sad laugh. She was laughing at the pitiful irony of the way things turned out. "Ran-chan! They picked Ran-chan to be a magical girl. The power she must possess as Sailor Sun, oh I can only imagine it. And if I was..." Ukyou shuddered.  
  
Konatsu held a small towel to wipe Ukyou's face. He watched her with love in his eyes.  
  
"If I was the one those demons took away. If I was the one Ranma rescued. If I was his..." She whispered, "wife." She took a small breath. "I would have been chosen to be Sailor Io."  
  
Konatsu took out another towel, "You don't know that Ukyou. Akane could have still been Sailor Io."  
  
"I can still have a dream can't I?"  
  
"Yes Ukyou, we all can."  
  
Ukyou lifted her head. "I've got to go to sleep. Thanks for listening to me. You're a good friend." She got up and slowly went upstairs to bed.  
  
Konatsu sat in the booth and watched her disappear into her room. "Thanks for sharing with me." He turned to look at the floor. "I have a dream. I love you Ukyou."  
  
  
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Kato, Yoshi and Akira were leaving the arcade. They had spent most of their money and were going to go home. Kato remembered something, "Hey, you guys still want to meet the old geezer tomorrow?"  
  
Yoshi shook his head, "No way! Count me out!"  
  
Akira was surprised, "Huh? I thought you wanted to help get revenge on Ranma."  
  
"And get the tar beat out of me again? Uh uh! Now way, no how!" Yoshi waved his arms like he was pushing something away from him. "I've got a terrible feeling about this. It can only end badly."  
  
Kato crossed his arms. "Suit yourself. Akira, are you in?"  
  
"Oh yeah! I want some payback after what he did to us at school. My sister has been teasing me about it all day."  
  
Yoshi tried to reason with his friends, "Look you two, Ranma is a martial artist and if you piss him off again, I'll have to scrape what's left of you off the walls."  
  
Kato was not moved, "But he's a homosexual!"  
  
"How do you figure that? He likes girls. He's married to a girl for goodness sake. He hangs out with girls. The girls are crazy for him."  
  
"That's because he is a girl! You saw him uh... her at school yesterday. Guy's don't come to school in a sailor fuku!"  
  
Yoshi tried a different tactic, "You saw him in the locker room. He's a guy!"  
  
"A guy who changes into a girl!"  
  
"He changed back into a guy!"  
  
"He is still a weirdo and a pervert!"  
  
Yoshi was fuming. "Fine! Be that way! And if you end up in the hospital, don't bother calling me!" Yoshi stormed off.  
  
Akira saw how Kato was also turning red with anger. "You know, he does have a point."  
  
"Are you taking his side too?"  
  
"Look, all I'm saying is that the old man scares me a bit. Yoshi is right. If we doing anything to Ranma and he finds out it's us. I don't want to be hanging from a tree again."  
  
"Then we make sure that he doesn't know that it's us."  
  
  
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Ranko was on break. She was in a corner of the kitchen area sipping her tea and looking at her homework from school. She hated English. Akane got on her case to try harder to study English since traveling the world was part of being a Senshi. English was spoken the world over. She still didn't like English.  
  
Mariko handed Ranko a phone message. It was from Nabiki and asked for her to call. Ranko crumpled up the paper and threw it away. She looked at her homework and decided that talking to Nabiki was better than homework. It was barely better than homework.  
  
Kasumi answered the phone. "Oh hi Ranko! How are you? Nabiki? Sure I'll get her." She cupped the receiver. "Nabiki! Ranko's on the phone for you!"  
  
Nabiki picked up the phone in her room. "Hey Saotome!"  
  
"You called?"  
  
"Just wanted to tell you about Kodachi."  
  
Ranko raised her head and groaned. "What is she up to?"  
  
"She said she was playing martial arts volleyball against the Juuban team Monday. Ring any bells?"  
  
"The coach mentioned that there was a special exhibition game being planned but he didn't go into details. Let me guess, Kodachi is on the team."  
  
"Bingo! It's even better than that. She's the team captain. You and my sister had better watch out for her."  
  
"Yeah I know. Kodachi likes to take out the opposing team before the game starts." Ranko sighed. "Anything else you want to drop on my head?"  
  
"Hmm, not really. Unless you want to count the fact that Kuno has a new love."  
  
"A new love? Who's the poor girl this time?"  
  
"You know Kuno. He does things in pairs. He's after Sailor Senshi now."  
  
Ranko had a feeling of dread coming over her. "S-S-Senshi? You wouldn't know w-w-which ones right?"  
  
"But of course I do Saotome. He's gone bananas for Sailor Io and Sailor Sun."  
  
Ranko dropped the phone. She composed herself and picked it up. "Y-y-you didn't say Sailor Sun did you?"  
  
"What's with you? Your mom and Kasumi acted just as weird when I told them."  
  
"Oh nothing. Heh heh. Uh, nothing at all. Oh, they're calling me. Got to go! Bye!" Ranko slammed the phone down. "Oh great!"  
  
Nabiki heard the loud click. "Why in the world does he care about the Senshi?" Nabiki put the phone down and went back to her homework.  
  
  
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Sailor Sun flashed into her apartment. Akane didn't bother to look up from her homework. "Hello dear."  
  
Sun fell over onto the pile of blankets that Akane had left on the floor for her arrival. She was sound asleep.  
  
Akane smiled, "Rough day at work?"  
  
"Zzzz...."  
  
Akane scribbled the answer to the history homework and closed her book. She put her books back in her school pack and tossed it aside. She went over to Sailor Sun and picked her up to take her to bed. She unceremoniously dropped her on the mattress. "Huh?" Sailor Sun woke up. "Hi dear."  
  
"Good evening to you too."  
  
Sailor Sun slowly got up. She stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. She changed to Ranko. As she was waiting for the water to get hot she told Akane the bad news. "I got a call from Nabiki."  
  
"Nabiki? What did she want?"  
  
Ranko splashed hot water on herself and dried himself with a towel. "It seems that Tatewaki Kuno wants to date with you."  
  
Akane didn't care. "What else is new?"  
  
"Oh... He wants to date with Sailor Io."  
  
Akane turned white and held onto the doorframe to keep from falling.  
  
Ranma sat on the couch. "It gets better."  
  
"No. Don't tell me."  
  
Ranma put his hands behind his head and stretched out. "He wants to date with Sailor Sun too."  
  
"Is there a country where murder is legal?"  
  
"If there is. Let's give a one way ticket there to Happosai." Ranma had a bad sensation come over him. "He's here."  
  
Akane looked up. "He's on the roof."  
  
"Call the scouts, I'll catch the little freak." Ranma jumped out to the balcony. He sensed the photographer was gone. He ki jumped to the roof.  
  
Ranma was on the dark rooftop of the apartment building. He sensed a different kind of evil. He knew the demon and Happosai were near. He sensed danger of a different kind. It sent a chill down his spine. For the first time Ranma actually felt real fear. He started to back away and ran to the roof edge to jump away.   
  
Ranma jumped in the air and was stopped by a force field. Ranma fell to the ground and he was hit with a blast of water. Deep in his soul he heard a girl's scream and part of his being was ripped away. He felt empty and cold. Ranma was filled with blind rage. He turned around to see a ghastly smile on the face of Happosai. "MOKO TAKABISHA!" Ranma ki blasted Happosai's gun out his hands. "You little freak!" Ranma jumped and aimed his feet at Happosai's skull. The little man gave out a low-pitched laugh that couldn't have come from Happosai. It was an evil laugh worthy of a youma. Happosai faded away and Ranma landed on the roof.  
  
Ranma tried to use his Senshi sense and it felt wrong somehow. He used his danger sense and felt nothing. Ranma felt ill. He stumbled and sat down. His mind was dizzy and confused. Sailor Io jumped to the roof and ran over to Ranma.  
  
"Ranma? Are you ok?"  
  
"I don't know. I think the old freak poisoned me." Ranma started to come around. "I feel strange. I can't explain it." Ranma got up and found Happosai's water gun. "We'd better give this to Ami. Maybe she can find out what was in this stuff."  
  
Sailor Io sensed the area for evil. "It seems like Happosai got away. I can't detect him."  
  
Ranma looked around. "The freak of nature can teleport. He must have learned that from his demon friend."  
  
"What? He can teleport!"  
  
"I saw it with my own eyes."  
  
"Great!" Sailor Io pulled out her communicator, "Sailor Moon, you there?"  
  
A moment later Sailor Moon was on the screen. "Is there something else happening?"  
  
"No. We are going to meet at Mercury's house. Happosai got away. He shot something at Ranma and we need Mercury to see if it was poisonous."  
  
Sailor Moon smiled. "Ok. We'll meet you at Mercury's place. Could you bring some ice cream?"  
  
"Sure." Sailor Io let out a tiny laugh. Sailor Moon still was a young girl and it showed. She turned to Ranma, "Ok. Transform and let's go."  
  
Ranma had a shocked look on his face. "Something's wrong."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I can't reach into my pocket dimension." He reached into the air and his hand never disappeared. He flicked his wrist to grab his henshin stick and only obtained empty air.  
  
"Here, let me try." Sailor Io reached up and pulled out her own henshin stick. She reached in again and rummaged around. "I think I got it but I can't pull it out."  
  
Ranma slid his hand along Io's and was able to fit into the rip in space. He felt around and found his stick. It wouldn't come out. It was stuck tight. "That's weird."  
  
Sailor Io was concerned, "Well, Ami's place is about three kilometers. She might have an answer. Ready to have a rooftop run?"  
  
"First let's put this gun in a plastic bag. I don't want any more of whatever is in this thing to get me." Ranma felt the air over the edge of the roof and found the force field was gone. He leapt to the balcony and into the apartment. He got a plastic trash bag and put the loaded water gun inside. He noticed that he was wet and went to the bathroom to dry off.   
  
Ranma put the towel down and noticed something odd. The water was cold. He was still male. He turned on the faucet and splashed his face with cold water. He looked at the mirror and saw his manly features and black hair. He splashed himself again and looked again. "AKANE!!!!"  
  
Sailor Io came to the bathroom at the sound of her true name. "Ranma? What's wrong?"  
  
"I..." He took a small glass and filled it with water. He stood up and poured it on his own head. He stayed male. "I think I'm cured."  
  
"Cured? How can you be cured? Don't you need heated Nannichuan to do that?"  
  
"I don't know. But that water in that gun must be how it happened. Let's get to Mercury's place right now." Ranma grabbed the trash bag and jumped out the window. Sailor Io changed back to Akane and followed him. She didn't want to attract attention to Ranma by having a Sailor Senshi chasing him all over town. He didn't need rumors of another fiance circulating at school.  
  
  
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Ranma was hopping from rooftop to rooftop to get to Mercury's home. His head was full of thought. He had wanted to be cured for many years and now that he was, all he could think about was how he could be uncured. He was used to the idea of being cursed. He didn't even think it was a curse anymore. It was a part of him. Ranko was Ranma. Half of him was missing. He flushed the ideas out of his mind and concentrated on getting the gun to Sailor Mercury. Maybe this condition was temporary. He didn't want to contemplate what would happen if this were permanent.  
  
  
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"Boo hoo hoo! NOOOO!!!" The mind of Happosai was it absolute terror and anguish. The level of pain was unprecedented. The very concept of Ranma's girl side being wiped out was bad enough, but to see it actually removed was beyond pain.  
  
The demon sat across from Ranma's apartment. It was smoking Happosai's pipe and staring at the city landscape. It was feeding from the dark energy that Happosai was generating. It just had to listen to Happosai scream for only another day before it had the power to cast the final spell. The demon had waited lifetimes to have this sort of fun. It was going to enjoy its freedom and the pain and suffering it was going to cause worldwide.  
  
  
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Sailor Mercury was sitting with Sailor Mars and Moon in her room. Venus and Jupiter were busy doing homework and would come if there was a real emergency. Ranma jumped in the window and landed in the center of the room.  
  
Sailor Moon was surprised, "Ranma? Why didn't you transform?"  
  
He held out the bag to Mercury. "This is why. Can you check this for magic? I think it's Nannichuan."  
  
Mercury got wide eyed. "Nannichuan?" She pulled away from it like it was radioactive.  
  
Sailor Mars pulled back too, "Is that the stuff that turns you into a guy?"  
  
Ranma sagged his features. "Yes. I want to know if that is what is in this thing." He instinctively stepped aside and Akane jumped in the room from the window. She was holding a small bowl of ice cream.  
  
Akane handed the ice cream to Sailor Moon. Moon cried out, "Yummy!"  
  
Sailor Mercury scanned the bag. "Wow! The magic readings are off the scale! Let me adjust. Hmm..." Mercury scanned Ranma. "You got hit with this stuff didn't you?"  
  
Ranma sat on her bed. "Yes."  
  
"Your aura is really strange. There is powerful magic that's coming from you."  
  
"Magic? Shouldn't the magic be gone? I mean, if I'm cured then I shouldn't have any magic at all."  
  
"Well you're emitting a magical glow. It's starting to fade." Mercury noticed that the glow was coming from where the water had hit his back.  
  
"So then this is temporary?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe, maybe not. It looks like it has a permanence spell on it too. So I'd guess it's a permanent spell."  
  
Sailor Moon gasped, "Does this mean you can't change to Ranko anymore?"  
  
Ranma started to tremble. He felt true fear. "Please don't let this be permanent. Please don't... Please..."  
  
Akane held her husband.  
  
"Ranko... Please... Not her..." He searched his thoughts and feelings. He felt an echo, like someone was trapped in darkness from which there was no escape. He knew a part of him was missing, dormant or worse, possibly killed. He didn't want to accept the fact that Ranko Saotome, his other half, may never be seen again. It was like someone had died. "That... Son... Of... A..." Ranma slammed his fist into the floor making a hole in it. Ranma bellowed, "When I find Happosai I will make him suffer like he's never suffered before."  
  
Sailor Mercury uncovered her ears, "Need a bullhorn? I think the people in Yokohama didn't hear that."  
  
Ranma pleaded, "Mercury, see if this is reversible."  
  
Sailor Moon sulked. She looked at Ranma. "What about Ranko? What about Sailor Sun?"  
  
Ranma was too much of man. He would not cry. He would not shed a tear. "I think they are dead. Unless we can undo what Happosai has done. They're gone."  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next episode, what will Ranma do? Is this the end of Ranko and Sailor Sun? Tune in next time, same panda time, same panda channel.  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and prevents me from killing all my neighbors.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 23, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
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	11. Memories of Ranko

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 11 Memories of Ranko  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or serve up P-Chan as dinner for four.  
  
  
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Ranma didn't get a good night sleep. He kept waking up and going to the bathroom to see if he was dreaming. Nothing he did could cause the change. He resorted to filling a bucket with freezing ice water and poured it on himself in the shower stall. Nothing worked. He was permanently male.  
  
Six months ago, this would have had Ranma happy beyond his wildest dreams. He would have danced in the streets and shouted the news from every rooftop in Nerima. He would have held a party to celebrate the ending of his cursed life.  
  
Ranma grew wiser with age. He awakened a part of his soul he never knew he had. He was the reincarnation of Angwyn, otherwise known as Sailor Sun. He never would have known had he not unlocked her spirit through his curse. By accessing the female half of his soul, he was able to tap into the awesome power that only belonged to Sailor Sun.  
  
He was Sailor Sun. He was Ranko Saotome. He was lost.  
  
He stood in the bathroom in mourning. He wanted to scream and tear the building into bite-sized chunks. He didn't want to accept that half of him might be lost forever and never return. He didn't want to say that they were dead. They were just lost. He had to find them and bring them home.  
  
He went back to the bedroom. On the dresser drawer he found his makeup and perfumes that he used to spruce up Ranko before she went to work. He held a lipstick and missed the notion of putting it on. It wasn't that long ago that the very thought of wearing lipstick would have made him nauseous. He put it down and saw the open closet. One side held Akane's wardrobe. It looked empty compared to Ranma's side of the closet. He had twice as many clothes since he had a full male and female section. He noticed how the male side was only stocked with Chinese shirts and mostly black pants. Ranma had very little fashion sense. Ranko's side was filled with everything from mini-skirts to sundresses to evening gowns and kimonos. Ranko knew how to dress.  
  
He went back to bed and lay next to Akane. Akane instinctively wrapped her arms around her husband's body. He turned to look at his sleeping wife. Ranma was a full man again. There was no trace of a girl in him anymore. He knew that Akane was also saddened by the loss of Ranko. There were many times they slept together as two females and they both enjoyed it.  
  
Ranma never really appreciated what a gift it was to experience being a true female. All of his training and all of his life's efforts told him to reject anything resembling female traits. His curse opened his eyes to the wonders of what being female was. Females were not weak or stupid. They didn't always need a man's protection. They were different from men and yet they were equals. Only through the curse did Ranma attain that wisdom.  
  
He turned in bed and played with Akane's hair. She looked very cute when she was asleep. She had a hint of a smile as she snuggled next to Ranma. She looked fragile in his arms, yet the muscles that had shown through her skin were testament that she was a warrior of his caliber. They had fought many battles together and were one in mind and body. When he first met Akane, he was convinced that she was someone to be protected and ignored. He never hit her in training because he was taught that women were weak and not worth the effort to train. Akane was a competent martial artist and desperately was seeking teachers to expand her skills.  
  
Ranma grimaced at the error of his ways. He felt terrible in how he treated Akane in those early years. He and his rivals grew their skills while Akane's skill started to drop. Akane grew bitter and angry not because of hatred but because of her frustration that Ranma wouldn't take her seriously.  
  
Ranma finally saw why his father and Mr. Tendo sent him away to Mr. Miyagi's Dojo in Juuban six months ago. Ranma was a terrible teacher. He utterly failed as an instructor with his main student, Akane Tendo. She was desperate to learn and improve her skills and he blew her off. All she ever learned from their sparring sessions was to swing into empty air when Ranma dodged her blows. She never learned to defend herself since Ranma never attacked her. Her only crime in Ranma's mind was that she was born a female.  
  
Ranma vowed in his heart that he would never again deny Akane any training she desired. No matter how dangerous or treacherous, Akane was a martial artist and she would be forever treated as one. He was going to share with her all of his secrets and all of his techniques. Akane deserved nothing less. She was a warrior. She was his love. She was his. He was hers.  
  
  
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Akira and Kato were up at the break of dawn and stood before the entrance of Juuban High School. It was a cool Sunday morning and the street was empty. The two looked around for Yoshi, but he seemed to have carried out his threat and refused to show up.  
  
An hour passed by, the two were getting very angry with Happosai. He was supposed to show up.  
  
Kato threw his arms up, "Damn him! Yoshi was right after all. The old man blew us off."  
  
"Don't you mean blow you up?" Happosai stood there holding a firecracker. It wasn't lit yet.  
  
Akira spun to face him. "You're late!"  
  
"I had other business to attend to. Where is your friend?"  
  
Kato shrugged, "Yoshi? He chickened out."  
  
"Hmm... We can do this anyways. Follow me." Happosai walked to the High School gate and waved his hand in front of it. The gate unlocked and he pushed it open. "Come in."  
  
The two guys looked at each other nervously and entered. Happosai waved his hand again the gate locked. He escorted them to the back of the building where three empty barrels and three hand trucks sat. "Each of you takes a barrel and a hand truck. Hold onto it tight." The two complied. They put the empty barrel on the hand truck and stood next to them.  
  
"Very good. Now close your eyes, both of you."   
  
Akira was suspicious, "Is this a trick?"  
  
"No, it's a treat!" The world around them started to fade away and a new world faded into its place. They were on a plain with a tall mountain in the distance. There was a spectacular waterfall visible. A sign stood nearby in Chinese. It read "Jusendo Falls, seven kilometers".  
  
"What in the..." Akira looked around.  
  
Kato was perplexed, "Where are we? How did we get here?"  
  
Happosai looked a little nervous. He was keeping his magical aura in check. He didn't want to get detected by Lord Saffron and his people. He knew Saffron was powerless since he was a child of seven months, but he could still detect a demon and his people had the knowledge and firepower to do serious harm to him.  
  
"Your mission is to travel to that waterfall and fill these two barrels and bring them back here."  
  
Kato looked down at the old man. "That's it? Why couldn't you do it yourself?"  
  
"I have my reasons. Besides..." Happosai pulled out a wad of yen. "People who can perform simple tasks for me are well rewarded."  
  
The two men ran seven kilometers in record time. Well, record time for two couch potatoes. Kasumi would have been able to cover the distance in half the time. They were at the base of the waterfall with a river flowing to a misty valley with bamboo poles sticking out of quiet pools below. They pulled out a bucket that was inside one of the barrels and scooped up the water and proceeded to fill both barrels.  
  
It was hard work. After thirty minutes both barrels were full and sealed. They left the bucket behind and started to wheel the barrels away. There was a sound in the sky much like the sound of a hawk calling out a challenge. Kato looked up and saw a very large bird like creature circling above them. They quickened the pace and followed the road back to Happosai.  
  
They were almost there when they saw a female in a white leotard and tall white boots. They would have asked her for her phone number except she had very large white feathered wings on her back and looked really pissed.  
  
Kiema stood close to the men, "What business you have here?"  
  
Kato stuttered, "Uh... We're just passing by?"  
  
"With water from Jusendo?"  
  
"Jusendo? I thought it was uh... Hmm... Evian mountain spring water."  
  
Kiema laughed, "Did you mean to say Avian?"  
  
Kato hoped he wasn't going to be sliced to tiny bits from the sword the bird woman had tied to her belt. "Uh yeah, Avian."  
  
Kiema looked to the two. They were just morons and would probably just drink the water or use it in stew. Jusendo water was useless unless you were a trained magic user or maybe a demonic creature. The guys were mostly harmless. It wasn't the first time visitors confused Evian and Avian water. She shook her head in disgust. These men weren't worth her time. They were beyond pathetic. She expanded her wings and flew off back to Phoenix Mountain.  
  
Kato and Akira stood with their mouths open as the girl flew off into the distance. They didn't realize that they were drooling until Happosai called out their names. "Kato! Akira! Time to get out of here!" Happosai began to chant and the world faded away to be replaced by the back of Juuban High School.  
  
Akira slowly turned to Happosai. "Who or what was that?"  
  
"She is a guardian of Phoenix Mountain. Don't worry about her. She is my problem." He produced the wad of yen and divided it in half. He threw each half to Kato and Akira. "Job well done boys! Couldn't have done it without you. Now go away, you bother me!"  
  
Kato stood back, "I want an answer! That girl had wings! What is so special about this water?"  
  
Happosai clasped both hands together. "I see we are going to do this the easy way." He clapped once and Kato was on Easter Island standing next to one of the great stone totems.  
  
Akira saw Kato vanish. "Hey! Where did he go?"  
  
Happosai clapped again. Kato had company now.  
  
  
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Sailor Moon called all the scouts together for an emergency meeting to tell everyone about the loss of Sailor Sun. Neptune, Uranus and Saturn were in utter shock at the news and offered any help they could to help Ranma in his time of need. Sailor Pluto was noticeably absent. She probably had to keep a low profile for whatever her reasons were.  
  
Sailor Moon had all of the Scouts patrol all of Tokyo. They were all looking for Happosai or any other demonic presence. They wanted to punish him for what he had done to Sailor Sun.  
  
Rei was at her shrine. She had put the finishing touches on the most powerful seal she had ever made. She prayed that her seal would be powerful enough to lock away a demon lord. She read the book about the method to invoke the potent seal; it mentioned three words of power that were awesome in their magic and were required to be properly chanted to seal away even the most powerful of evil. Rei committed them to memory.  
  
Akane was searching with Ranma. They were concentrating on Nerima hoping that Happosai was hanging around familiar locations. Akane barely tolerated Ranma entering every seedy bar and adult bookstore in town. No one had seen Happosai in a week. Ranma was not anywhere close to giving up. He was determined to find and pulverize Happosai. Akane hoped Ranma would leave some fragments behind so she could dole out some revenge as well.  
  
  
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Kasumi was hanging up the laundry when she heard a sound like a freight train colliding with a twenty cows. The sound was getting louder. A cloud of dust moved along the wall of the Tendo compound and stopped outside of the front gate. A moment of silence and then a loud familiar voice called out the challenge, "RANMA! Come out!"  
  
Kasumi smiled and opened the gate. "Hello Ryoga. Ranma is not here right now."  
  
Ryoga stood at the doorway, umbrella and bandannas at the ready. "He's not here! The coward! Where's Happosai?"  
  
"Oh, no one has seen him for a while. They are all out looking for him."  
  
"Who's looking for him?"  
  
"Nabiki is at the police station, father and Mr. Saotome are searching the west part of town and Ranma and Akane are on the east side, Ukyou and Konatsu are searching near Furinkan."  
  
Ryoga was furious. His rival was out searching for Happosai when he should be looking for a cure for Akari. Wait a minute? Wasn't looking for Happosai the same thing as finding a cure? Ryoga still wanted to somehow blame this on Ranma.  
  
Ryoga let go of his anger a little bit. He heard a sound from behind Katsunishiki. Akari peeked out from behind the pig. Kasumi saw him, "Akari? Why hello there. I didn't see you. Would you like to come in for some tea?"  
  
Akari nodded yes. He wore a loose fitting jumpsuit and had his hair done in a bow. You had to look really close at him to notice that she was a he. Akari kept his mouth shut. His voice was a much lower pitch and it would instantly give away his gender. Akari was afraid what people would say once his curse was known.  
  
Kasumi led the Hibikis to the dining room and served them tea. "So Akari, how are you adjusting to married life?"  
  
Akari looked down at the table. She kept quiet. Ryoga answered for her, "We are uh... enjoying it. Yeah."  
  
Kasumi looked closely at Akari. She gasped. "Oh..."  
  
Ryoga stood up, "IT'S RANMA'S..."  
  
"No it's not!" Akari stood up and shouted back. He realized he spoke and gave Kasumi the final clue about his gender. He stopped and burst out crying. He dropped back to the floor.  
  
Kasumi went over to Akari and held him. "What happened?"  
  
He struggled to speak. "H-H-Happosai did it to me!"  
  
"Happosai?" Kasumi suddenly grew rigid. "When did he do this to you?"  
  
"Y-Y-Yesterday. He sprayed me with water and I turned into this! BAH HAH HAH!" He started the waterworks and sprayed tears everywhere.  
  
"You saw him yesterday? Where?"  
  
Ryoga answered, "He appeared at our farm. He was looking for Ranma."  
  
Akari shot up and got angry. "No he wasn't! Will you stop blaming Ranma for all your problems!"  
  
"Well why did he attack you?"  
  
"I don't know!" He fell over crying again.  
  
Kasumi pointed a finger at Ryoga. "Ryoga, please show some manners and get your facts straight before you accuse someone. Happosai is under the control of a demon. It's the demon that's doing these things." Kasumi started rocking Akari to calm him down. "Now, after he attacked you, where did he go?"  
  
Akari whimpered, "He just disappeared."  
  
Kasumi gently pushed aside Akari, "Don't worry. Here let me get the hot water."  
  
Ryoga looked at the table. "Don't bother."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It doesn't work."  
  
"It doesn't?"  
  
Akari shook from emotion. "I can't change back! We tried everything. Ryoga almost burned me and it still didn't change me back to who I am."  
  
Kasumi got up, "I need to make a phone call." Akari nodded and sat up sniffing.  
  
Kasumi went to the laundry room and shut the door. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her. She pulled out a communicator that Akane gave her and dialed Akane's number. Kasumi felt important. "Akane here."  
  
"Ryoga and Akari are here at the house. They saw Happosai yesterday."  
  
"They did? Where?"  
  
"At their farm, I've got bad news, Akari was turned into a man."  
  
Akane's face showed surprise. "Akari? A man?"  
  
"Yes. He is here with Ryoga. Oh, he's not taking it very well."  
  
"Did you pour some hot water on him?"  
  
"That's why I'm calling you. It doesn't work."  
  
Akane tapped her finger to her lip. "We're on our way back. Expect Sailor Mercury to show up, she would want to check Akari."  
  
"Ok Akane. See you soon."  
  
"Thanks Kasumi, Akane out." The screen blanked. Kasumi turned off the communicator and slid it back in her bra. She felt like a secret agent. She went back to make sure Ryoga didn't wander into the closet.  
  
  
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Akane was standing outside of another seedy bar. Ranma was inside asking if Happosai was seen nearby. Akane dialed Sailor Moon on her communicator. "Moon here."  
  
"Sailor Moon, I've got some information about Happosai."  
  
Moon took a bite out of an ice cream cone. "Please give me good news. Is he dead?"  
  
"Sadly no. I think I know what he is planning."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He is going to turn all the women in the world into men."  
  
There was a pause on the line. "Could you repeat that? I thought you said he was going to change me into a guy."  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Akane had to hold her hand to silence the communicator. Passerby noticed the long loud scream coming from her little calculator. Akane just grinned, "My sister changed the startup sound, heh heh..."  
  
Sailor Moon took a breath and screamed again. Akane cut the channel. She dialed Mercury. "Mercury here."  
  
"Mercury, I need you to get to my house in Nerima. I need to you check out Akari Hibiki. She's been turned into a man."  
  
"Ok, could you get Sun to... Oh... Never mind, it will take me about twenty minutes to run there." Mercury had a sad face and looked like she wanted to cry.  
  
"I know. I miss her too. Akane out."  
  
Akane dialed Sailor Moon again. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Akane found and hit the mute button.  
  
Ranma came out of the bar. "What's that racket?"  
  
Akane grabbed him by the arm. "Let's go to the dojo."  
  
"Ok! You don't have to rip my arm off." They jumped to the rooftops and ran to the Tendo dojo.  
  
  
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Ranma and Akane arrived at the dojo and met Sailor Mercury outside. Ranma had a look of sorrow, "Akane, transform and then the two of you can check on Akari. We don't want to raise suspicions."  
  
Akane pulled out her henshin stick and Mercury interrupted, "Don't. They are expecting you two to be together. I can do this by myself."  
  
Akane put her stick away. "Ok. C'mon Ranma." She led the way to the dojo while Mercury stayed behind so she could be fashionably late.  
  
Ranma felt his danger sense go off. The threat came from above. He jumped to the side and avoided a hoofed foot from the sky. He rolled on the ground and yelled, "MOKO TAKABISHA!" He shot his ki at the flying creature hitting it square in the chest. It flew back and landed at the edge of the yard. Ranma gave a cocky grin, "Taro!"  
  
Pantyhose Taro pulled out a thermos from his backpack and splashed himself. He changed back to human form. "Same to you fem-boy. Where's Happosai?"  
  
Ranma put his hand on his head. "How many people is that freak going to piss off?"  
  
"I got a letter from Happosai. He had agreed to give me a new name." Taro held out the letter as proof.  
  
Ranma groaned and shook his head in disbelief, "Ok, that's all the proof I need. He really is possessed by demon. That old freak would never do anything nice on his own."  
  
"Where is Happosai? I want my new name!" Taro shouted to the sky, "HAPPOSAI! I am here!"  
  
"He's not here. At this rate, he's going to show up and I'm certain we're all going to regret it."  
  
Taro glared at Ranma, "What is this, some sort of trick? If I came all the way from China for nothing, someone is going to pay, cross dresser."  
  
Ranma wanted to say something about his lack of a feminine side, but he decided against it. The fewer people who knew about Ranma's problem, the better. "Well join the club pal, everyone wants a piece of that freak."  
  
Taro was pissed. "I'm not leaving until I get my new name."  
  
"Then pitch your tent over there." Ranma pointed to a dark corner of the compound. "You're going to be spending a few days here until the old goat shows himself." Ranma turned to enter the dojo and walked right into Sailor Mercury. The two bounced off each other and landed on their rears.   
  
Taro laughed, "I see you're just as coordinated as ever pervert."  
  
Ranma got up and marched into the house with Mercury following.  
  
Pantyhose Taro opened his backpack and pitched his tent. He was prepared to stick around until he had a name that didn't sound like women's undergarments.  
  
Sailor Mercury entered and quickly sensed Akane's location. She went into Happosai's old room and found Akari sitting on the futon. Akane gave the rundown, "Sailor Mercury, she was splashed with water and changed into a guy. This is different from Nannichuan since she can't change back. Oh, Ranma, Ryoga wants you dead again."  
  
Ranma sighed, "Where is he?"  
  
Akane grinned, "He's upstairs. He won't be down for at least thirty minutes."  
  
Akari pleaded, "Please honored Senshi, help me."  
  
Sailor Mercury pulled down her visor and scanned Akari. She saw the exact same magical signature on her as she did Ranma. "You say this is a permanent change?"  
  
Akari nodded. "Ryoga almost boiled me trying to change me back."  
  
"How did it happen?"   
  
"Happosai had a squirt gun and put water on me. Then he disappeared."  
  
"Squirt gun?" Mercury typed a few keys on her computer and pulled up a picture of the gun that Ranma gave her. "Did it look like this?"  
  
Akari looked at the screen. "That's it!"  
  
Mercury closed her eyes and saw visions of doom. "Thank you. Akane, I need to speak with you."  
  
Mercury stepped outside and went to the laundry room. Ranma followed as well. Mercury shut the door and checked for eavesdroppers. "Tell me about Happosai. Does he have an obsession with women?"  
  
Ranma couldn't believe the question. It was like asking if the sky was blue. "DUH! That little pervert exists to make the female race regret being born."  
  
"That's what I was afraid of."  
  
Akane got worried. "Afraid of what?"  
  
"I got a full report on the demon from Giles. It took him some time to pull up the information on it since this demon is very ancient and very unliked. You see, it's shares some traits with a youma. It feeds on life energy like a youma. The difference is that it feeds on one kind of energy."  
  
Ranma leaned against the wall. "Please don't tell me it feeds on perversion."  
  
"Thankfully, no. It feeds on pain and suffering. It is tapping into everything that could cause Happosai pain and performing whatever it can to torment him."  
  
Ranma smiled. "So there is justice in the world!"  
  
"Well, not quite. You see Happosai must really like you being a girl Ranma. Otherwise the demon wouldn't have gone to the trouble to single you out."  
  
"I knew that pervert was behind this!"  
  
"Well, it seems that Happosai also has doomed the female species. If the removal of all the women will cause him agony, the demon will do it and suck him dry. Once the demon has enough energy, it can evolve to a higher form."  
  
Akane was terrified, "What? Is this thing a Pokemon?"  
  
"You wish. No, currently it needs Happosai to hide from us. Once it evolves it can hide at will and it would cause worldwide pain and suffering to feed off of."  
  
Ranma slid to the floor. "I knew the end of the world would come into this sooner or later."  
  
Mercury kneeled down to Ranma's level. "You are right about that. Think about it. If every girl was turned into a guy, the human race couldn't have children anymore. Think about the pain and suffering that would be caused when we realize that in one hundred years, humankind will be extinct."  
  
Ranma looked at the two girls, "Does this mean that if I kill Happosai, you won't get mad at me?"  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next episode, when and where will Happosai strike next? Tune in next time, same panda time, same panda channel.  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and prevents me from killing all my neighbors.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 23, 2002  
========================================  
burger@contrabandent.com  
======================================== 


	12. Preparations

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 12 Preparations The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or cover me with chocolate syrup.  
  
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Ranma noticed that it getting near two o'clock. He had to be at work at three. He realized that he couldn't go to work in his condition since his waitress job was for Ranko Saotome and not Ranma. He called the sushi bar and said that Ranko was sick and if Akane could take her place. After a few words to Ranko's manager to convince him that Akane could do the job, Akane was accepted. Akane got dressed and left in the nick of time to get to Juuban to keep Ranko employed.  
  
Ranma sighed. He hadn't appreciated how useful his Sailor Sun teleportation ability was until it was taken from him. It only drove more stakes through his heart. He really missed being able to transform into Ranko. He missed her.  
  
"RANMA!" came the cry from the laundry room. Ryoga was trying to fight Ranma but just couldn't find the room Ranma was occupying. Ranma was sitting in the living room on the couch.  
  
Ranma leaned over to Akari who was sitting across from him. "Why is Ryoga mad at me? I didn't do anything to him."  
  
Akari cracked a tiny smile in embarrassment. "He still has nightmares about the day you pushed him into the spring of drowned piglet. I've tried to have him go to therapy about it." He looked toward the laundry room where Ryoga was trying to escape. "He can be so stubborn."  
  
"Why is he the lost boy again? I thought that he didn't do that anymore since you and he got engaged."  
  
"My husband does that when he gets mad or emotional." He looked down and started to cry again. "I'm the reason he's mad. I wish I known that Happosai was going to change me. I don't want my darling to be angry."  
  
Ranma heard a commotion from outside the dojo. "Where are you Ranma?" Cried Ryoga. "Show yourself!"  
  
Ranma was amazed how single-minded Ryoga had become. "I think he needs to see a shrink." He reached over the table and lifted Akari's head, "Please talk to him, and let him know that his enemy is Happosai. I want to help you change back." Ranma saw Ryoga wander to the dojo. "If he's like this, he'll only get in the way."  
  
Akari nodded, "Please do me a favor Ranma. Please don't call him names anymore. He really hates that." He got up and went to the dojo. He opened the door and called inside. "Ryoga!"  
  
Ryoga heard Akari's male voice and filled up with anger. He gritted his teeth and tensed up his muscles thinking about the fact that his wife was a he.  
  
Akari stood at the dojo doorway. He asked softly, "Ryoga, please answer me."  
  
Ryoga couldn't resist. He turned and gazed at Akari. The sun was shining from behind Akari and gave the appearance of a golden halo around him. The light masked his male features out. The silhouette and the long hair made his wife look for a moment like the girl that Akari truly was. Ryoga melted at the sight. "Oh Akari." He went to his wife and held him. Ryoga held his eyes shut. He only wanted the vision of his wife in his true form to be in his mind.  
  
The moment didn't last. The pressing against Akari's flat chest was enough to break the spell. Ryoga broke the embrace and took a step back.  
  
Akari shed another tear. "Please Ryoga. Don't be angry. I know you'll find a cure for me."  
  
Ryoga turned around and his battle aura formed around him. He wanted to destroy something.  
  
Akari felt a little more masculine. He got angry. "Listen to me!" Ryoga shuddered at the loudness of Akari's voice. "Don't turn your back on me!"  
  
Ryoga was surprised at the forcefulness of Akari's voice. He slowly turned his head to look behind him.  
  
"Are you going to help me or not?" Akari stood with arms down and a stern look on his face.  
  
Ryoga turned his body around and gaped his mouth opened and closed.  
  
"Ranma and the others are looking for my cure. Happosai is behind everything." Akari looked away, "If you love me. Help them. Please." He turned, cried and ran to the house.  
  
Ryoga stood there for a few moments. He churned his thoughts around and blended them into a fine puree. It was clear to him. Happosai was the enemy. Happosai was the one who must pay.  
  
He slowly walked out of the dojo and toward the house. He stayed focused on the job at hand. He needed information. Ranma had the information. He had to stay focused. Ryoga went to the living room where Ranma stood up. Akari was weeping in the love seat across from Ranma. Ranma didn't raise his fists, but he was ready to fight in a moments notice. Ryoga stood next to his wife and held his shoulders. He faced Ranma, "Tell me what I need to do."  
  
Ranma let out a breath. "We look for clues."  
  
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Ryoga and Ranma searched Happosai's room. They found and took all of the ancient looking books and artifacts away. Ranma snuck away for a moment to call Sailor Mercury on his communicator. Even though Ranma could no longer transform, he was still considered a part of the team.  
  
Sailor Mercury arrived to help catalog and sort all of the items of magical nature. She scanned the pentagram and numerous scraps of paper littered about. Ryoga gleefully wiped away the pentagram. Anything that Happosai created was a target for Ryoga's wrath.  
  
They sorted through Happosai's stolen collection and decided that they would have to send these things to a secure location to prevent something like this from happening again. Notes, papers, scrolls and sealed magical boxes were packed in several crates and carefully placed into a rented truck. It was to everyone's surprise that Soun didn't have a driver's license so they had to ask Haruka to rent the truck and drive the stuff off to the airport. Everything was loaded onto the next flight to America so that Giles can destroy what can be destroyed and lock away the rest forever.  
  
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Ranma saw it was getting late. He tried to get his henshin stick to teleport back to his apartment in Juuban and was reminded again of his ability loss. He bid everyone goodbye and started to go home. Nodoka followed him outside. Ranma stopped outside the front gate. Nodoka held her son's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it son?"  
  
He leaned against the wall. He tried to detect the presence of others with his Senshi powers but couldn't. He used his martial arts skills and knew that Taro was close. "This way mom." He led his mother away from the compound and a few blocks away. They stopped at a small park and sat on a bench.  
  
Ranma picked up a pebble and threw it at a tiny pond that was in front of the bench. "Things are different again for me, mom." He sighed, "Why can't my life be stable?"  
  
"I can't answer that. I know you will find a way to make things right." Nodoka gave a look of motherly compassion.  
  
"Part of me is missing." He grew resolve. He stood up and assumed a manly pose. "I'm going to get it back." He faced his mother. "Mark my words. I'll punish that little freak."  
  
"If it means anything to you son. I never liked Happosai either. However, I owe him for one thing."  
  
Ranma was ashen; "You owe a favor to Happosai? Why?"  
  
Nodoka remembered her past, "I don't owe him a favor. I just owe him. You see it was because of him I met your father."  
  
Ranma knew this was not going to be pretty. He sat down next to his mother. "Happosai introduced you to dad?"  
  
Nodoka turned around to see if they were alone. She blushed, "Not exactly, well, what happened was that Happosai tried to molest me. Your father came to my rescue. He pulled Happosai off of my..." She looked down at her chest. "Then he and Happosai fought in front of me. Your father was beaten to protect my honor. I helped him up and took him to my home where I helped him recover."  
  
Ranma listened.  
  
Nodoka continued, "Well, he was so manly standing up for me. I fell in love. We were married shortly thereafter. A little over a year later, you came to me." She emitted a happy glow thinking about Ranma's birth. "At first I didn't mind Genma's training journeys with Soun, but I started asking your father to take more responsibility at our home. I had to raise you by myself. I held a job cleaning houses to make ends meet."  
  
Nodoka started to be happy; "Your father took a big interest in training you in martial arts. You were taught how to kick only a week after you started to walk. By the time you were three, you could break bricks with your hand. You were a black belt when you were five. He spent every moment when he was home training you. I was so proud of you."   
  
Nodoka started turning sad. "Your father acquired debts during his training journeys. He left on a trip and I had bill collectors stop by asking for money your father promised them. One day, Genma came home and he was overjoyed. He said that his old master would not be returning anymore. He was now the master of Anything Goes martial arts. That was one of my happiest days I can remember. My husband was going to stay home."  
  
Nodoka shed a tear. She wiped it away. "That was the day that Soun and Genma had trapped Happosai in that cave. I had a feeling that Happosai was Genma's teacher in the martial arts. Genma didn't want to tell me that the man who tried to molest me was his martial arts master."  
  
Nodoka started to convulse as she held back from openly weeping, "Happosai's training ruined your father. He became a thief and a liar. He stayed home all right, but he and Soun went out drinking almost every night. Soun was drowning his sorrow about his wife's death and Genma; well he just wanted to drink. It wasn't long after that, that all the people Genma stole from on Happosai's behalf found out where we lived. People arrived trying to avenge whatever Happosai had done to them."  
  
Nodoka looked up at the stars. Tears flowed from her eyes and glistened in the moonlight. "I spent all the money I saved to pay for your father's debts. The bill collectors just kept coming. Your father then announced that he was going on a training journey and he was taking you with him."  
  
Ranma shivered at the story of his childhood from his mother's point of view.  
  
"I argued with him." She gave a little laugh. "I actually hit him." She giggled, "I hit him with a lot of things. I didn't want him to take you from me."  
  
Ranma swallowed, "That was when my dad made that promise, wasn't it?"  
  
Nodoka gently nodded, "He invoked the name of our family honor. He pledged that he would make you a man among men and that this journey was the first step to achieve that. Only after you and he signed that damned contract did I allow you to leave with him." Nodoka grabbed Ranma around the neck, "Oh I missed you so."  
  
Ranma returned the hug to his mother. "I.. I didn't know."  
  
"I had no idea that Genma wouldn't return for so long. If I had known, I would have never let you go."  
  
Ranma looked at the moon high above. It was showing through the night clouds giving an eerie light to the Tokyo skyline. "I never knew."  
  
Nodoka pulled away from Ranma. She controlled herself to stop crying. "I owe Happosai one thing."  
  
"What mom?"  
  
"A good beating. A beating that the gods would fear. His training of my husband made him into the man he is today. He is a coward and a liar. He is not the man I married."  
  
Ranma grew scared, "You aren't thinking of divorcing dad are you?"  
  
Nodoka shook her head violently, "No! Of course not! He is my husband. Somewhere deep inside of him is the man I married." She grew sullen. "Someday, I'll find him again."  
  
Ranma held his mother's hands. He wanted to go back in time and somehow give back the missing years to his mother. It was a wish he couldn't make come true.  
  
Nodoka gave a look of disgust, "I don't understand why Soun tolerates that evil little man. I would move out if our home wasn't a pile of debris."  
  
Ranma smirked, "Well mom, I owe Happosai a good beating too."  
  
Nodoka turned serious, "Ranma, please promise me this. Don't kill him."  
  
Ranma pulled back. "Uh..."  
  
"As much as that man has caused my life to suffer. He was the one who made it possible for you to be born. I would have never taken your father in had he not defended me." She gazed into Ranma's eyes and smiled the smile of a mother in love with her child. "I would never change my life in any way if it meant that you would not be my son." Nodoka moved forward and kissed her son on the cheek. "I love you Ranma. I am proud to be your mother."  
  
Ranma stuttered, "Uh... Mom... I can't protect him. Happosai has done so many terrible things."  
  
She grinned, "Well, you can beat him up. He deserves that." She grew serious, "Just don't be the one who kills him."  
  
Ranma did not want make this promise. He so badly wanted to be the one who removed Happosai from this plane of existence.  
  
"Promise me." Nodoka commanded.  
  
Ranma softly spoke. It was barely above a whisper, "I promise." He hoped he would not regret this promise.  
  
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Ranma and Akane were once again on the roof of the Apartment building in their morning sparring session. They laughed when they saw a sign taped to the fire escape saying that rooftop access from the hours of 5 AM to 7 AM was "at your own risk". The apartment manager had a sense of humor.  
  
Akane was overjoyed that Ranma was showing her the Hiryu Shoten Ha technique. He taught Akane how to run in the circle to prepare for the punch. Ranma was impressed at how quickly Akane mastered the first step. He didn't raise his battle aura so that Akane could practice the final blow but not send Ranma into the stratosphere. He thought about having the next sparring session in a remote location so Akane could perform the final action and create the tornado. He was so happy at his wife's progress that he grabbed his wife and kissed her passionately.  
  
========================================  
  
Ranma was eating his lunch in the schoolyard thinking about his mother's request. He didn't know if he could hold back from killing Happosai. He wondered if there were things worse than death. The possibilities made Ranma happy. Maybe there was a way of having his cake and eat it too.  
  
Minako was worried. They had an exhibition volleyball game and the school they were challenged from played by a different set of rules. She asked Ranma, "Have you heard of something called 'Martial Arts Volleyball'?"  
  
Akane and Ranma rolled their eyes. Ranma replied, "Please don't tell me that you're going to play that."  
  
Minako sipped her drink, "Well the coach accepted already and the team for St. Hebereke High School will be here right after school. He's been studying the rules since this morning."  
  
Akane moaned the moan of someone knowing that the bus she was riding had gone over a cliff and the crash was seconds away, "I hope you have major medical coverage. Our team is going to have to deal with exploding volleyballs, sticky nets, and physical contact."  
  
"You've got to be kidding!" Minako couldn't believe such a game existed.  
  
Akane leaned back on the grass and crossed her legs. She gently kicked one leg back and forth. "Nope. We played a lot of martial arts sports in Nerima. I played martial arts volleyball a few times." She reached into her book bag. "I knew about the match, so I brought this." Akane handed a book to Minako, it was titled, "Martial Arts Sports for dummies. Nerima Press. By Rumiko Takahashi."  
  
Minako opened the book. "Martial Arts Gymnastics? Martial Arts Badminton? Martial Arts Okonomiyaki? What sort of a person would come up with this?"  
  
Akane shrugged, "I don't make the rules. I just play by them."  
  
Minako turned to the chapter marked "Martial Arts Volleyball". She dropped her jaw lower and lower with each turn of the page. "I'm asking the coach to forfeit. This is ridiculous. Check this out, 'Volleyballs can be made of any material which includes lead, steel and TNT. You cannot use a ball that contains magical enchantments or has the ability to track opponents.' Who in their right mind would play this game?"  
  
Akane took it casually, "Looks like we will. The coach shouldn't have taken the challenge from Kodachi."  
  
Minako whimpered. She turned to Ranma, "Please say you can change to Ranko."  
  
Ranma got depressed and softened his expression. "Ranko... I don't know where she is. I'm certain she would have played with you." He got very depressed.  
  
Usagi and Rei glared at Minako for reminding Ranma of his loss. Minako shrunk and leafed through the rulebook. All of the girls kept quiet around Ranma, he didn't want to think about Ranko right now. He mourned her.  
  
Ami glanced around, "Has anyone felt any evil? Anything that would lead us to Happosai?"  
  
Everyone shook his or her heads no.  
  
Usagi finished her lunch, "Remember, after school, we transform and start patrolling the city looking for him. When he shows up, it's going to be quick and painful. Let's make sure that it's Happosai that it's painful for." Usagi turned to Akane and Minako, "You two will patrol around here after your game."  
  
Akane and Minako shook their heads, "Right!"  
  
Usagi looked at Ranma, "Ranma, you need to stick around here. I have a feeling that Happosai might try to do something to you first."  
  
Ranma gasped, "I doubt it. There isn't anything he could do worse than what had already done to me."  
  
Ami looked at Usagi and then told Ranma, "Well, if I'm not mistaken, he summoned the demon to get at you. Unless you've got a better idea, you're still our bait."  
  
Ranma didn't have a better idea. "Ok. I'm the bait. I just want to know when and where is that unnatural thing going to show up. This waiting is killing me."  
  
Yoshi slowly approached Ranma. Ranma came on guard. Yoshi stood five meters away and was ready to run away, "Ranma."  
  
Ranma didn't want to talk to him, "What do you want?"  
  
Yoshi sat down and kept his distance. He sighed, "I just wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for how I acted to you."  
  
Ranma raised an eyebrow. Anything that would reduce the number of attacks on him was welcomed, "Ok. I accept your apology." He looked for the others. "Where are your friends?"  
  
"I don't know. I was wondering if you knew."  
  
Ranma shrugged, "Why would I know?"  
  
Yoshi looked around and then dropped his face. "They were supposed to do something yesterday. I hadn't seen them and they didn't come home last night."  
  
"Well, that's not my problem."  
  
"So you hadn't seen them since yesterday?"  
  
Ranma was getting curious, "No, why should I see them?"  
  
Yoshi was now worried for his friends, "I guess that old man did something to them." He got up to leave.  
  
Ranma jumped up and grabbed Yoshi. "What old man? Was he about this tall?" Ranma held his hand about seventy centimeters off the ground.  
  
"Yes, he was really short and he was bald on top with white hair around his head. He was bug ugly." Yoshi tried to remember what the man looked like.  
  
"Did you get his name?" Ranma was hopeful.  
  
"No. But I remember he said that he wanted us to get some water for him."  
  
Ranma was getting anxious, "Water? What kind of water?"  
  
Yoshi was getting a little scared at Ranma's behavior, "He called it special water. We were supposed to come here to school yesterday and he was supposed to take us where the water was."  
  
"Is there anything else? Did he say what the water was for?"  
  
"He said it was for revenge and that we were going someplace dangerous to get it."  
  
Ranma looked closer into Yoshi's eyes, "Did he say where?"  
  
"Only that it was dangerous. Uh... He said it wasn't in the sewers."  
  
"Did he mention the word Jusenkyo?"  
  
Yoshi wondered what that was, "Jusenkyo? What's that?"  
  
"Never mind." Ranma had a thought, "Did you say yesterday was when he was getting the water? It wasn't on Saturday?"  
  
"No, we hung out at the arcade Saturday. We were supposed to meet him Sunday."  
  
"We?"  
  
Yoshi was embarrassed. He didn't want to know his friends anymore, "Uh... I didn't go. I... I didn't want to bother you anymore. I... I really am sorry."  
  
Ranma let him go. "Thanks for letting me know about the old man. Oh, do me a favor. If you see the old man, call me." Ranma reached for his schoolbook, grabbed a slip of paper and wrote his phone number on it. "I really need to find this guy."  
  
Yoshi looked at the phone number and slipped it into his pocket. "Thanks." He looked at Akane and gave a wave. He focused back on Ranma, "You've got a cute wife."  
  
Ranma smiled at the compliment. Akane slightly blushed. Yoshi left to look for his friends.  
  
Ranma sat down, "Ami, you got that?"  
  
Ami had her computer out and was trying to figure things out. "Now, this doesn't make any sense. Was Happosai getting more Nannichuan? If that's the case, why didn't he get it himself?"  
  
Makoto answered, "Maybe he had someone else get the first batch and then something happened. He used those guys to get another batch."  
  
Ami was deeply concerned, "That's a lot of water to get. Let me show you something." She pulled up some text. "The demon has the ability to channel magic. It needs a sample and then it can amplify or modify the spell to almost any power level. So just a bucket of Nannichuan is all it needs to cast a spell to turn all women into men. Is it possible that it wants to change women into something else?"  
  
Usagi wanted to scream, "Don't say that!"  
  
Rei agreed, "Yeah! Don't freak me out!"  
  
Makoto deeply sighed, "I don't want the change into anything! I'm happy the way I am."  
  
Minako whimpered, "Martial Arts Dining? Martial Arts Tea Ceremony? Martial Arts Ice Skating?"  
  
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Happosai was hiding in the rafters of the gymnasium of Juuban High School. From his hidden vantage point, he had an excellent view of the girls performing gymnastics. Happosai was not looking at the girls, he was lying face up so he could hear the girls but not see them. Happosai's true voice called out, "Please turn around! I want to see the pretty ladies! WAAHHH!"  
  
The demon controlling Happosai's body was pleased. Its energy level was almost at its peak. Soon, it would show itself and show the true evil it possessed. It had spent the last twelve hours enchanting the Jusendo water with the spell that would perform the transformation. The pain and suffering would be devastating for Happosai.  
  
In a few hours the world will fear the avatar of suffering. It was good to be free.  
  
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Author's Notes: Next episode, we find out exactly what is the transformation? Tune in next time, same panda time, same panda channel.  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and prevents me from hiding in your bushes and peeking in your window at night.  
  
Bill Heineman November 25, 2002 ======================================== burger@contrabandent.com ======================================== 


	13. Moment of triumph

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 13 Moment of triumph  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or eat my brain. My head is empty enough as it is.  
  
  
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Pantyhose Taro returned to his tent after flying around Nerima in a vain attempt to find Happosai. His immense body landed with a grace that hid the awesome strength that his cursed form possessed. He reached into his tent and pulled out a thermos and transformed back into human form. He noticed a piece of paper pinned to the door flap of his tent.  
  
Dear Taro,  
  
Rejoice my boy! I await you at the Juuban High School Gymnasium. I have chosen a new name for you that is worthy of a warrior of your stature. Meet me outside the gym after school gets out.  
  
Your godfather,  
  
Happosai  
  
Taro was very suspicious. Happosai had never written down the proposed name for his approval. He knew Happosai's idea of a great name didn't mesh with reality. He crushed the paper and walked to the koi pond in the backyard.  
  
Pantyhose walked by Kasumi as she was taking down the laundry. "Hello Taro. It's nice to see you again. Would you like some tea?"  
  
Pantyhose was thirsty. The letter mentioned that he was to meet after school and school was to be let out in about an hour. He had some time to kill. "Yes, I would like that. Do you also have something to eat?"  
  
"Of course. Please come in." Kasumi led Taro into the dining room and gestured for him to sit down. She went to the kitchen to prepare him a small snack.  
  
Taro took a look around. "You have a nice home."  
  
"Thank you." Kasumi poured the tea and put some cookies on a plate. She placed the serving tray on the table. "Will you be staying long?"  
  
Taro ate a cookie. It had been so long since he had had one. He enjoyed the flavor. "Mmm... This tastes good. I got a note from Happosai. I'll be leaving shortly."  
  
Kasumi froze. "Happosai?"  
  
"Yes. I'm meeting him at..." He fumbled for the paper and uncrushed it. "The Juuban High School Gymnasium. Could I trouble you for a map to this place?"  
  
Kasumi grew very pale. "J-J-Juuban High School?"  
  
"Yes. I'm supposed to meet him there after school."  
  
Kasumi grew faint, "Oh my! I've g-g-got to go." She got up and bolted from the room. Ryoga and Akari were in the living room and saw Kasumi's blur run by into the upstairs bathroom. She slammed the door shut.  
  
Pantyhose Taro shrugged, "I guess she really had to go." He sniffed the cookie. "I wonder if she ate Akane's cooking."  
  
Kasumi locked the bathroom door. She pulled out the communicator. She dialed Akane's number and heard the beep and then a voicemail came on, "You've reached the voice mailbox of Sailor Io. Please leave a message."  
  
"Uh Aka... Sailor Io, it's Kasumi. Taro is going to meet Happosai at the Juuban High School Gymnasium after school. Make sure you and the other Scouts are there." She killed the signal.  
  
She dialed another number. "You've reached the voice mailbox of Sailor Sun. This had better be important! Have a nice day." Kasumi felt sad at hearing Sailor Sun's cocky voice. Kasumi repeated her message. She called each of the five inner scouts and left the same message. She didn't know their real names, only their scout names. They had to be in class at the moment and kept their communicators in silent mode. She hoped that someone would return her call soon.  
  
Kasumi picked up the phone in the bathroom next to the furo. Akane had told her that if Happosai was found that she wanted Ukyou and Konatsu to assist since Konatsu's ninja abilities might be useful to track down Happosai once he tried to disappear again. Akane wasn't taking any chances. She wanted Ranma back the way he was.  
  
Konatsu answered the phone in a cute girlish voice, "Ucchan's Okonomiyaki."  
  
"Konatsu, this is Kasumi. Akane told me to ask you to help her catch Happosai. We heard that he's going to be at the Juuban High School Gym after school today. Can you and Ukyou meet Akane there?"  
  
Konatsu stood at attention. "Of course. You can count on us." He hung up the phone and with lightning speed; he locked up the restaurant and ran to Furinkan High School to grab Ukyou. They had a great distance to travel in record time.  
  
She went back downstairs and heard an argument. She rushed to the living room and saw Ryoga and Taro were ready to start fighting.  
  
Taro shouted, "You will not touch Happosai until after he gives me my new name!"  
  
Ryoga got very close to Taro, "I'm going to kill that little pervert!"  
  
Taro flared a battle aura, "Over my dead body!"  
  
Ryoga rolled up his sleeve, "That would be me my pleasure!"  
  
Taro threw a punch which Ryoga dodged and caused Akari to jump back in surprise. Taro punched with his other arm and threw Ryoga across the room into the TV.  
  
Taro realized the time and grabbed a phone book that was sitting next to the telephone. He ran outside.  
  
Ryoga pulled himself away from the TV. He saw Akari on the ground shivering. "Don't worry dear." He got up to track down Taro. Kasumi hopped into the kitchen to avoid being run over by a very pissed Ryoga.  
  
Outside, Taro quickly ran to the koi pond, jumped in and took to the sky. Ryoga took a stand and aimed into the air, "SHI-SHI-HOKODAN!" The blast hit Taro's rump and pushed him higher into the wild blue yonder. Taro shot a look back and wanted to dive bomb Ryoga for that attack. He decided that his new name was more important. He opened the phone book and looked at the map of Tokyo contained within. He found the area of Juuban and turned south to find the high school.  
  
Ryoga was fuming. He pointed his finger and hit a concrete stepping stone. "BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" The stone shattered into a cloud of pebbles. He stormed into the house, past Kasumi and to the closet by the doorway. He pulled out his backpack and umbrella. He switched to a fresh bandanna and psyched himself up for battle. "Akari, let's go to Juuban and get you cured."  
  
Akari was bouncing with glee. They went to the front yard and called Katsunishiki. They got on the pig's back and Ryoga started traveling south. He was going in the right direction. He had to cure his wife.  
  
Soun and Genma came out of the dojo. They were sparring when they heard the racket. Soun saw the broken stone and went to the house, "Kasumi, what happened?"  
  
"Oh, father, Happosai is going to be at the Juuban High School Gymnasium after school today."  
  
Genma and Soun looked at each other. "Let's go!"  
  
Nodoka stepped out of the laundry room; "I'm coming to Juuban with you!" She held her wrapped katana tightly and had a face of someone who wanted to administer some pain.  
  
Genma and Soun took a step back. When they spoke, they meant that they wanted to go as far away as possible from Happosai.  
  
Kasumi took off her apron, "I know where the cab stop is. Besides," she pulled out some grocery money that Nabiki had given her. "I think I'm the who has to pay the fare."  
  
Soun and Genma made sheepish grins and looked nowhere in particular. They thought it was time for another training journey. They knew that Kasumi and Nodoka were going to make sure that they went to Juuban. They were doomed.  
  
  
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Akane felt her communicator vibrate. She was in the middle of a history test and couldn't be disturbed. The alarm code wasn't sent so it didn't vibrate in a way that would have had her make any excuse to leave the class. She would wait until the test was over before she would listen to her message.  
  
Ranma and Usagi came to the same conclusions shortly thereafter.  
  
Ami was giving an example of proper use of the English word 'collision' by banging two erasers together when she felt her communicator vibrate. She finished the lesson and asked the teacher if she could take a bathroom break. The teacher mentioned that the class would be over in half an hour and asked if she could wait. Ami didn't feel the alarm vibration so she agreed. She continued the tutoring.  
  
  
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Konatsu arrived at Furinkan High and whooshed into Ukyou's classroom and swept her away. The class just felt a wind rush through the room and Ukyou vanished. The teacher shrugged and continued the class as if nothing happened.  
  
Konatsu was carrying Ukyou across the rooftops of Nerima. "Ukyou, were have to get to Juuban High right now. Happosai is going to be there."  
  
Ukyou hopped out of Konatsu's arms and ran alongside of him, "Who told you?"  
  
"Kasumi. Akane is going to meet us there."  
  
Ukyou was very jealous that Akane was a Sailor Senshi. She felt better thinking about the fact that Akane took her up on her offer for help. She increased her speed and ran as fast as she could to Juuban.  
  
The two of them leaped across a street and passed the Cat Cafe. Shampoo saw the two running to the south. "Hmm, where they go in hurry?" Shampoo was suspicious and hopped on her bicycle and followed them. Mousse saw Shampoo leave and he ran to chase her and smacked into a light pole. He put his glasses on and ran after Shampoo.  
  
Cologne wondered why they left so quickly. She went back to the doing the dishes when the plate she picked up snapped in two. "This is a bad sign," she said to herself. She grabbed her cane and followed Mousse.  
  
Konatsu turned to Ukyou. "We're being followed."  
  
Ukyou couldn't turn her head. She had to focus all of her energy to keep up the pace. "Who's following us?"  
  
"Shampoo."  
  
Ukyou didn't want to waste time to ditch Shampoo. "That's ok. She might actually try to help."  
  
"Or she might drag Ranma off to China." Konatsu giggled and jumped to the next building with Ukyou right behind him. They were followed by Shampoo on the ground, Mousse as a duck flying in the air and Cologne hopping on a stick. It was a rather odd procession.  
  
What did you expect? It's Nerima.  
  
  
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Genma was sitting in the front seat of the cab. Nodoka, Soun and Kasumi were in the back seat. Genma suggested, "Why don't we take the scenic route? It will avoid traffic."  
  
The cab driver looked at him as if he had sprouted another head. "This route I'm taking is the fastest."  
  
Nodoka raised a weak battle aura and unwrapped her new katana so that Genma could see it. "We are going to defend our son. Or do you wish for I to do it for you?"  
  
Genma gulped. "Yes dear."  
  
  
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Class ended. Akane, Usagi and Ranma exited the classroom and found a private place to meet. It was difficult since the school was filled with wandering students who were trying to go home. Numerous students were going to the gym to see the exhibition volleyball game.  
  
They found a classroom that had just emptied and shut the door. Ranma hit the play button on his communicator. They all heard Kasumi's message. Usagi was a little mad, "Akane! Why didn't you show your sister the alarm button? This was REALLY important!"  
  
"I thought I did. Anyways, we know where Happosai is going to be. What's the plan?"  
  
Ranma thought about it. "Akane, you and Minako go and play volleyball." He paused for a thought, "take Makoto with you in my place. Keep an eye out for Happosai if he decides to do something to the game. I'll be outside waiting for Taro and see if I can keep him from doing something stupid." Ranma reached into his backpack and pulled out a thermos. "I'm going to get some hot water so I can use it on Taro."  
  
Usagi nodded, "I'll have Sailor Mars stand by with her ward. It should be able to banish the creature. I'll have the other scouts group together and we'll be close by. If anything happens," she turned to Minako, "anything at all. You call us in."  
  
Ranma punched his fists together, "Finally I'm going to make that old freak pay."  
  
Akane gave an evil grin, "Leave some for me."  
  
Usagi gave an unusually evil grin, "I want some too." She held in her hand her moon scepter.  
  
Ranma shuddered, "I hope we don't end up destroying the High School. I kind of like it here."  
  
  
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A bus pulled up at the front gates of Juuban High. The St. Hebereke High School Martial Arts Volleyball team spilled out and grabbed their equipment. Kodachi took a look at the High School. She was dressed in a black tank top and black shorts with matching sneakers. "Hmm... I thought this place would be more upscale." She saw the students milling about. She smiled and happily thought, "Now I'll get to teach that hussy Akane the error of her ways. How dare she take Ranma away from me! After my darling Ranma sees Akane humiliated, he will come rushing into my arms." She spun around and flower petals filled the air in a cyclone of black. She gave her psychotic laugh and pranced toward the gym with her team following.  
  
Tatewaki and Sasuke came out of the bus last. Kuno looked at the high school as well, "Ah, the fair Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed one. I am here to escort you away to a life of bliss."  
  
Sasuke held back his nausea.  
  
  
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Happosai was on the roof of the main high school building. He had two buckets of water next to him. They were both filled with uncursed Jusendo water. He had bound the magic of the water to his demonic power. Now he needed to curse the waters to invoke his final spell.   
  
He placed the offerings into the first bucket. He dropped a bra, a panty, a thong, and a leather thing he found in some girl's dresser and a set of boxer shorts for girls who wore that sort of thing. He stirred them with a metal pole until they all sank the bottom. The water glowed for a moment as the magic absorbed the aura.  
  
In the second bucket he poured in a scoop of ash. He stirred with the other side of the pole until the ash dissolved and the water glowed and returned to normal. He had the spell components ready.  
  
  
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Minako was in the girl's locker room in her volleyball uniform. She exited and found the coach. "I'm telling you, forfeit the match!"  
  
The coach was surprised, Minako never backed down from a sports challenge. "It's a little late for that. Besides, this is the first time that we've had the gym packed. Everyone wants to see this game." He pointed to the gym. There was a large crowd of people trying to get in. "This Martial Arts Volleyball has really sparked interest in the student body."  
  
Minako pulled out the rulebook that Akane gave her from her gym bag. "Have you read these rules? The game ends when the other team is knocked out. I mean knocked unconscious!"  
  
"With Ranko, Akane and you on the team, we can't lose! Ranko and Akane could probably wipe out an army."  
  
Minako waved the book in the coach's face, "Hate to break it to you, but Ranko can't make it."  
  
The coach was shocked, "WHAT! I saw Ranma in class today."  
  
"Well, something happened to his curse and he can't change right now."  
  
The coach was getting desperate. "Can you dye his hair?"  
  
Minako stood on her toes and yelled, "Don't go there! Don't you even think THAT!"  
  
The coach got more desperate, "Is Akane going to play?"  
  
Minako put the rulebook back in her bag. "Yes, she's getting into her uniform right now. I've got Makoto changing into a volleyball uniform to take Ranko's place."  
  
"Whew! That's right! She's a martial artist. I guess that you, Akane and Makoto will have to be in front. Let's gather the team and I'll explain the rules."  
  
Minako nodded and went back to the locker room.   
  
  
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Sailor Mercury was on the roof of the school scanning the area for magical or demonic energy. She was getting very frustrated that nothing was showing up. This demon was very skilled in hiding itself from other magic users.  
  
Mercury looked below. The spaces between the school buildings were almost empty of people since they had gone into the gym or had gone home. She breathed a sigh of relief. The fewer people around here, the lesser the odds of someone getting hurt. She saw Ukyou and Konatsu run up to the entrance of the gym and they were looking for someone. Mercury smiled. Konatsu spun and saw Mercury and pointed her out to Ukyou. They both waved. Mercury waved back. Ranma appeared and talked to them. The three separated and ran off to look for Happosai and Taro.  
  
Mercury looked at the roofs of the other buildings and after a few moments of slowly scanning with her visor, a dot started to appear. The dot turned into a line and it was getting longer. She homed in on the signal. It was the same magical signature as the water that hit Akari and Ranma. She scanned the building the magic was flowing through and gasped.   
  
It was in the plumbing and it was heading straight for the girl's locker room. Mercury pulled out her communicator and gave the general alarm code. She yelled into the speaker as she jumped off the building, "There is magic water heading for the girl's locker room! It's in the plumbing! Avoid the water at all costs!"  
  
Akane had just put on her uniform. Some of the other girls were going to take a shower since they came from gymnastics class and needed to clean themselves up before they played volleyball. Akane heard the showers go on and felt a sense of danger. Makoto glanced at Akane as their Sailor Senshi communicators gave of the general alarm beep. They grabbed their communicators and listened as they ran to the showers. Akane shouted, "TURN OFF THE WATER!" She saw Yoko was about to get wet and she shoved her out of the stall. Akane turned off the water just in time. She looked at the pipe and felt that something bad was inside the tubing and was about to reach the nozzle. Makoto turned off the other shower stall that had running water.  
  
Akane turned to the crowd of half-naked girls, "Don't use the showers. Trust me, you don't want this water touching you." Minako entered and almost smashed into the two girls. She had gotten the message as well.  
  
Sailor Mercury ran inside. She looked around, "I'm going to have to ask everyone to leave the locker room. It's not safe here. Please leave immediately and DON'T TOUCH ANY WATER!"  
  
Everyone who was dressed left right that instant. The years of youma attacks have trained the people of Juuban to listen to any Senshi who gave an evacuation order without question. The rest got dressed in seconds and ran out as well.  
  
Sailor Mercury was alone in the locker room. She scanned the plumbing. She saw in one of the stalls, the magical water was only three meters away from the nozzle. Someone was only seconds away from losing her femininity.  
  
Sailors Io, Jupiter and Venus arrived after a short while and then all four of them looked around the room for any signs of Happosai. Io turned to the others, "I'm going to search the roof."  
  
Mercury nodded, "I'm coming too. The source of the water is there."  
  
Venus and Jupiter nodded. Venus said, "I'll stay here and call you if he shows up."  
  
The three Senshi ran to the exit. Io was the first to get outside. She saw Ranma, Ukyou and Konatsu run up. Io called to them, "Great! I need you to be on the lookout for Happosai. He's here somewhere. The girl's shower is loaded with Nannichuan. I'm going to the roof to find its source."  
  
Ranma held onto his thermos of hot water, "I'm staying at the entrance of the gym." He looked at the thermos, "I've got to deal with Taro."  
  
Io jumped to the roof after the other two Senshi. Konatsu and Ukyou followed Io. Sailor Jupiter was amazed at how many people from Nerima could jump that high.  
  
Io landed on the roof and took a look around. She sensed something close. She heard a whimper. She quietly moved along the open area of the roof and saw the target of everyone's attention. She held a finger to her mouth to let the other Senshi know to be quiet and pointed at Happosai. Everyone froze. Io whispered to Konatsu. "There is the little freak. Sneak up and get him."  
  
Happosai was hanging over the side of the roof. He was peeking in an upper window to the girl's locker room. It appeared that he wanted to see what was going to happen if the tainted water touched them. "C'mon pretty lady. You can take off that dress. I won't mind." He was watching Sailor Venus as she was searching for him in the locker room.  
  
Konatsu crept up to the old man. He didn't want to blow this opportunity to put an end to his reign of terror. He was only four meters away when he made a leap and landed on the old freak. "Gotcha!"  
  
Happosai was shocked. He didn't sense him coming. He spoke in a demonic voice, "How dare you touch me!"  
  
Konatsu almost let him go from the loudness and the ferocity in Happosai's new voice. The eyes glowed a sickly yellow color and he smiled with a very toothy grin. He laughed, "Ha ha ha!"  
  
Konatsu squeezed Happosai to try to crush his windpipe. He faded away leaving nothing but empty space in Konatsu's grasp. "ARGH! Where did that pip squeak go?" He turned and looked in all directions trying to see where he went.  
  
He saw a badly build platform with a steel drum on top of it and plumbing attached at the bottom. He approached it but stopped when he got five meters away. He backed off.  
  
Io stomped on the ground. Io wanted to mallet something. Jupiter was amazed at Io's anger. Jupiter exclaimed, "Whoa!"  
  
"I had that little runt in my hands!" Konatsu held out his arms and made grasping motions with his hands. "I tried to hold him and he just laughed and disappeared. ARGH!"  
  
Ukyou pointed out the drum of water to everyone else. "Is that the water?"  
  
Mercury pulled out her communicator, "All Scouts, Happosai is here. I repeat Happosai is here. He can teleport so shoot first and ask questions later."  
  
Jupiter pointed at the drum as well, "Is that what I think it is?"  
  
Io watched the drum. "If it's really Nannichuan. We just saved those girls from becoming guys."  
  
Ukyou stood back, "Nannichuan! Mousse or Ryoga would kill for that!"  
  
Jupiter took a few steps away from the drum. "Keep that stuff away from me."  
  
Mercury pulled down her visor and scanned the drum. "It has an anti-magic field." She stood very close to it. "I can barely detect any magical aura. However put this here must be incredibly powerful to be able to avoid my visor." The anti-magic field only covered the drum, it didn't cover the entire plumbing system. Mercury was happy that the demon made that mistake. She wouldn't have been able to prevent a tragedy if it had done that. She adjusted her visor to compensate for the anti-magic field. The drum lit up lit a Christmas tree on her screen. She hopped away from the drum. "It's the same stuff that got Akari!"  
  
Io slammed her fist into her open palm hand, "So Happosai really was trying to change women into men."  
  
Jupiter took another step away from the drum, "How do we get rid of that stuff?"  
  
Mercury whipped out her computer and posed the question to it. The answer was evaporation or dumping it into the ground. "We dump it."  
  
Io and Jupiter shot glances to each other. They both said, "I'm not going near it!"  
  
Ukyou was wide eyed, "Happosai wants to change women into men? That is so wrong on so many levels."  
  
Mercury suggested, "Let's have Ranma get rid of it."  
  
Io bit the tip of her gloved hand, "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea. I think he should avoid it too."  
  
"Well, do you know any other man who can do it?"  
  
Konatsu made himself scarce. He was a guy, but he didn't want to get near any magical water either.  
  
Ukyou looked around, "Konatsu?"  
  
Io turned to look at the people below. She saw the right man for the job. It was someone she really didn't care whatever happened to him. "I found him. Be right back." Io jumped off the building and landed right in front of Tatewaki Kuno. She made a pose.  
  
Tatewaki gazed at the vision of loveliness in front of him. "Sailor Io, I will date with you!"   
  
Io grabbed him, "Whatever!" She jumped to the roof with Kuno. They landed near the drum. "Kuno, I need you to take that drum downstairs to the ground and dump the water in the grass." Ukyou buried her head in her hands in shame.  
  
Kuno made a valiant pose, "I will do it after you promise to go on a date with me."  
  
Io wished the barrel were spring of drowned cockroach. Then she wouldn't feel so back squashing Tatewaki after she splashed him with it. "Fine, why did I even think I could count on you?" She smiled. "I'll get Ranma to do it."  
  
Tatewaki was insulted. "That foul creature is not worthy to give assistance to the honored Senshi!" He went to the barrel and pulled from the platform. The pipe burst and started splashing the water all over the roof. The girls and Konatsu jumped off the roof and onto the neighboring building. Tatewaki walked over to the gymnasium roof toward the fire escape with the Nannichuan splashing everywhere.  
  
Sailor Io looked to the sky in disgust. "Why was I so stupid to even think that he could do anything right?" She aimed, "Thunder Hammer Strike!" She shot a ball of ki at Tatewaki's head knocking him out. The drum fell over and made a pool of water on the roof over the gym. The water didn't spill off the building, as Io feared had Tatewaki made it to the fire escape. The thought of that water spraying onto the crowd below was terrifying.  
  
Mercury scanned the water. "The magic is already dissipating. It should be safe in a short while." She raised her voice a little, "Girls, avoid the roof over there."  
  
  
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The gymnasium was filled to capacity. Students were on bleachers on two sides of the gym and they had their school banners up. Kodachi and her team set up the Martial Arts Volleyball net and were ready to start the game. She went to the Juuban coach, "Where is your team? We are ready to play."  
  
The Juuban coach looked around, "I'll see what's taking them so long."   
  
A girl screamed. "Get it off of me!" Happosai was burying his head in her chest. Her boyfriend slammed the little man off of her and he bounced off the floor and into the rafters.  
  
In a corner emerged Sailor Moon and Mars. Mars watched the little man, "Happosai!" Moon and Mars ran after him.  
  
Happosai jumped down to the scoreboard. There he looked at everyone and laughed. Sailor Moon called in all the scouts. She stood in the center of the volleyball court with Mars at her side. "I'm Sailor Moon! I right wrongs and fight injustice! You have no right casting evil spells that will harm the lives of innocents. In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!" She and Mars made a set of poses.  
  
Happosai just sat there watching the two. For some strange reason, the speech had a paralyzing effect on him and he couldn't move. He had no clue why.  
  
The other scouts appeared and made a circle of six girls. They all took positions to attack.  
  
Happosai clapped his hands. All the doors were sealed shut to the gym. "Now foolish mortals! A world of pain is upon you!"  
  
Sailor Moon pulled out her scepter, "Girls, let's show him some pain!" The scouts all cast their attack spells and they hit a powerful force field that was protecting Happosai.  
  
"Ha ha ha! You are no match for me! I laugh at you! Here I go! HA HA HA HA!" He made a demonic laugh. He turned to the window of the gym and saw a shadow growing on it. "It's about time you showed up."  
  
Pantyhose Taro in his cursed form flew in the window and shattered it. The people in the bleachers directly below scattered to avoid the glass. Taro flew to the scoreboard and grabbed a strangely happy Happosai. He held Happosai tight. Taro reached into his backpack and splashed himself with hot water.  
  
Ranma jumped through the broken window. "Taro!"  
  
Taro had his attention riveted on Happosai. "What is my new name?"  
  
Sailor Moon was confused.  
  
Ranma shouted again. "TARO!"  
  
Taro stared at Happosai and started crushing him. "What do you want fem-boy?"  
  
"Taro, listen to me. It's not Happosai. It's a demon that looks like Happosai. He's not going to give you a new name!"  
  
"That's where you are wrong Ranma!" Happosai shouted.  
  
"Why you!" Ranma jumped at Happosai but the force field was back up and he bounced off of thin air.  
  
Taro held back a smile, "I've waited a long time for this. What will my new name be?"  
  
"Leotard Taro!" Happosai proudly proclaimed.   
  
"That is a women's garment!"  
  
"No it's not, it's named after Jules Leotard, the creator of the Leotard."  
  
Taro was red with rage. "That is still a women's garment!"  
  
"Corset Taro?"  
  
"WHAT! I didn't come all the way from China for this!" Taro held the old man tight and slammed him against the scoreboard. "You give me a name that is not an INSULT!"  
  
"Brassier Taro?"  
  
He slammed him again.  
  
"Thong Taro?"  
  
He punched Happosai.  
  
Happosai was in serious pain. He began to give off a yellow glow. "Ok! Ok!"  
  
Taro put his face next to Happosai. "What is my name?"  
  
"PANTYHOSE TARO!" Happosai shouted.  
  
Pantyhose Taro filled with anger and rage. The pain he felt at the sheer waste of time coursed through his veins. "You evil little man!" He pulled back his arm to give him another punch when Happosai started to change.  
  
Ranma got up from the ground and saw the transformation. The scouts encircled Happosai so he couldn't escape.  
  
Happosai looked at Taro, "You are PANTYHOSE TARO FOREVER!"  
  
"DIE!" Taro punched Happosai with all his might. The hopelessness of his situation and the stupid name he had to live with caused great suffering through Taro's soul. He smashed Happosai into the scoreboard and almost caused him to explode into a gooey mess. A bright flash of yellow light erupted and Taro was thrown to the ground.  
  
The yellow light began to grow and take a form. It became a six-meter tall demon. Its weight caused the scoreboard to bend and buckle. Reddish gray skin with horns like a bull with the lower half of its body like that of a giant goat. The teeth were too numerous to count and razor sharp. He stood up and laughed in a deep bass pitch, "Ha ha ha!!! The pain! It fills me! It is neat!"  
  
The demon stepped off the crushed scoreboard onto the hardwood floor of the gym. Its hoofs left footprints because of its tremendous weight. It effortlessly pushed aside Taro outside of the force field. "Thank you Pantyhose Taro for sharing your pain with me."  
  
Happosai lay on the ground at the demon's feet. His bruised and battered body twitched and he tried to heal from his massive trauma.  
  
The demon looked down at Happosai, "Now I will fulfill your darkest nightmare. I will then evolve to my higher form!"  
  
Happosai was proud of himself. He had saved the world. He kept his thoughts focused on the second most loved thing in his life. It took an immense effort and only through his mastery of martial arts mind techniques was he able to fool the demon. His most loved things in the world were safe. He never let the demon know that women was the most precious thing in the world to him.  
  
The moment the demon demanded its price. Happosai knew that he could doom the world. He made massive efforts to shut out of his mind the thing he loved the most. He couldn't shut out his desire for Ranma's girl side. He couldn't shut out how cute he found Akari was. He couldn't shut out his desire for women's underwear. He had to devote all of his mental energy to shut out the object of his perverse desires. He had succeeded. He hoped that the people of the world would give him a new underwear collection as a reward for a job well done.  
  
The demon raised his arms in triumph. A bucket of water appeared in each hand. "HA HA HA! Now feel the power! Feel my dark evil!" It looked down to Happosai again, "Now your greatest love will be destroyed!" It turned to the crowd of warriors and bellowed out, "I will now destroy all the underwear in the world!"  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Next episode, Uh yeah? Destroy all the underwear in the world? That's pretty stupid. Where are the outer scouts? Where is Shampoo? Who really cares? Tune in next time, same panda time, same panda channel.  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and allows me to write the conclusion.  
  
Bill Heineman  
November 25, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
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	14. I love you!

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 14 I love you!  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make me watch an episode of Barney and friends. That is too cruel.  
  
  
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Shampoo arrived at Juuban High School and rode her bike to the main entrance. She heard screaming coming from the gym so she rode toward that direction. She arrived to find a giant sumo pig arriving from the opposite way. "Nihao Ryoga!"  
  
The pig stopped in front of the gym. Several people were trying to force the front door open and couldn't.  
  
Ryoga jumped off Katsunishiki and helped Akari get down. Shampoo rode up next to Ryoga and stopped right on top of him. Shampoo was wearing her Chinese pantsuit and black slippers.  
  
Ryoga was crushed under the mystical flying bicycle from the seventh circle of hell. "Nihao to you too Shampoo. Ugh."  
  
Shampoo parked her bike. "Ryoga travel far from home. Why you in Juuban Ryoga?"  
  
Ryoga tried to get up. He was in pain. He rubbed the tire tracks off of his face. "I could ask you the same thing Shampoo. I'm here to find Happosai."  
  
Shampoo got mad at the mention of that name. "Happosai? Why you want Happosai. Happosai evil man."  
  
Ryoga pulled himself up off the ground, "Everyone is looking for that pervert. He cast a spell on my wife and I'm here to get the cure."  
  
Inside the gym was the sound of magical attacks that came from the Sailor Senshi. It was followed by an evil laugh. Shampoo noticed the people trying to open the door got more desperate. "I must help." She pulled out her bonbori, "Get out of way!" The three men trying to open the door saw the crazed Amazon charging them and moved aside. Shampoo struck the door and it cracked but didn't break.  
  
Shampoo bounced back, concentrated her ki and spun around and slammed the door in the same spot. The door shattered. "There!" She started to move forward when several dozen people poured out and flattened her onto the ground.  
  
Ryoga covered his eyes. He didn't want to see Shampoo being trampled by the rush of people escaping from the gym. He waited a moment and heard Shampoo's voice, "Why you cover eyes Ryoga?"  
  
Ryoga turned to see Shampoo standing next to him with her pantsuit slightly worn from the trampling but otherwise she was fine. "I dodge good, no?"  
  
Ryoga gave a happy look, "I'd say you dodge good, yes."  
  
A sound of breaking glass could be heard. Shortly thereafter, Pantyhose Taro's voice started yelling at someone and a fight broke out. The fight was causing property damage. The people started streaming out at a faster rate. Ryoga ki jumped over the crowd to the side of the building. Shampoo followed. Inside the building there was flash of yellow light that could be seen from the windows high above the wall. A demonic laugh followed. Ryoga examined the wall, "That doesn't sound good. We need to get in. BAKUSAI TENKETSU!" He struck the wall and the debris flew in Ryoga's face throwing him across the walkway into the next building. He was unconscious and slid to the ground.  
  
Shampoo huffed, "Ryoga, you remember breaking point cause small explosion. Gas line make big explosion. Remember that later." She turned to the wall. Ryoga only destroyed the outer layer. It still needed a few more hits to break through. She held her bonbori tight and concentrated on her strike.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
A cab arrived at the front entrance to Juuban High School. Kasumi paid the driver as Genma, Soun and Nodoka disembarked. Genma made a manly stance. "Well Tendo, it looks like the master isn't here."  
  
Soun make a manly stance as well. "I concur Saotome. I see that everything is under control."  
  
Genma gave a look of confidence to Soun, "I completely agree." He looked down the street. "I think the master may over at the Junior High School."  
  
"Perhaps you're right. Let's go there."  
  
Nodoka interrupted, "What makes you think they are at the Junior High."  
  
Genma puffed up his chest, "I am a master of Anything Goes martial arts. I know these things."  
  
A rumbling sound was heard and then dozens of people came around a corner and ran for the front entrance. The four jumped to the side to avoid getting trampled as fifty people ran by. A man paused in front of them, "Run for your lives! A tiny old man turned into a youma!" He raced down the street in panic.  
  
Nodoka glared at her husband, "Happosai is not here eh?"  
  
Soun made a pose. He pointed in the direction from the people were coming from. "The Junior High is that way, right Saotome?"  
  
"Right you are!" The two men started walking toward the gym. They were not in a hurry. Kasumi and Nodoka broke into a run. They heard a sound like an explosion coming from a building in back of the High School.  
  
Genma and Soun exchanged worried glances. Soun whispered, "I hope the Sailor Senshi can get rid of the master."  
  
"I hope so too for our sake. The master can get very cranky if he doesn't get his way."  
  
"True Saotome, I hope the Senshi can seal him away forever."  
  
They both smiled at the thought. A world without Happosai would be a much better place.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
The demon finished his laugh. It was reveling in its triumph. The Sailor Scouts just stood there like statues. All around them were screaming and shouting of the people as they escaped through the front door. In less than a minute, only the warriors remained.  
  
A wall exploded. Shampoo stood in the center of the hole holding her bonbori in an attack stance. She jumped in, saw Ranma from behind and glomped him. Ranma sighed, "Not now Shampoo!"  
  
Sailor Io shook her head. She expected nothing less from Shampoo. Shampoo saw the demon and immediately took an attack stance next to Ranma. "What that?"  
  
Ranma answered, "Bad news."  
  
Sailor Moon slowly spoke to the demon, "You want to destroy all the underwear in the world. You're kidding right?"  
  
The demon scratched its head, "Why would I kid about something like that?"  
  
Shampoo got wide eyed. She heard what the demon had planned from Sailor Moon. "You mean you serious?" She quickly checked her clothes. Yep, all of her clothes were intact.  
  
Happosai whimpered. "No more panties? Wah!!!!" Deep inside Happosai was planning on glomping the Sailor Scouts once they destroyed the demon. He couldn't wait to going back to harassing women. No underwear meant that there was less fabric to remove. He held back the massive smile he wanted to make. He just had to keep the demon from knowing the truth about his love for women's breasts.  
  
Ranma was holding back from laughing, "You are going to make all the underwear in the world disappear. He he he. That's pretty lame."  
  
The demon was confused, "What did you think I was going to do?"  
  
Ranma crossed his arms and shook his head, "We thought you're going to do something really evil. Hmm... Like turning all the women into men or going on a killing spree."  
  
Happosai went totally white with terror. Ranma just blew his cover.  
  
The demon was taken aback, "I'm the demon of pain and suffering. I don't kill people. Now, my cousin is the demon of death." The demon put a bucket down and produced a cell phone made of bones and other icky material that if described would blow the PG rating. "Want me to call it up?"  
  
Ranma took a step back and held his hands up. "No! Don't trouble yourself! You've already done enough already."  
  
The demon placed its clawed hand under its chin in contemplation. It sensed the change in Happosai and read his deepest fears. It snapped its fingers. The demon smiled a huge grin. "Wait! Why didn't I see that before? That's an excellent idea! Thanks pig tailed one!"  
  
Happosai turned to Ranma, "Ranma you FOOL! You've doomed the human race!"  
  
All the warriors in the room gazed at Ranma. Ranma looked around at the angry faces, "What'd I do?"  
  
The demon laughed, "Happosai! You tricked me! Women's underwear is not your greatest desire! It's women!" It threw the water from the bucket it held and it spattered on the force field. Sailor Venus jumped out of the way assuming the water was meant for her. The demon aimed its finger at the roof. It shot a beam of energy and a hole was cut in the ceiling and water started dripping in.  
  
Sailor Mars and Sailor Io jumped out of the way to avoid the water from touching them. The demon waved its hand and the water formed a perfect sphere and floated into its grasp. It started to summon deep dark magic. "I will now change all women of the world into men! Oh, the suffering will be worldwide! Not just for you but for all humankind! HA HA HA HA!" The creature began to chant and the water ball started to grow.  
  
Happosai turned into a statue and fell to pieces. It was bad enough to live in a world without women's underwear. A world without women was not a world worth living in. He wanted to find Nodoka and have her help him commit seppuku.  
  
Ukyou, Shampoo, Kodachi, the Sailor Scouts and every other female in earshot gave a look of pure hatred at Ranma. Ukyou shouted, "Ranma! You're such a jackass!"  
  
Ranma turned to Ukyou, "I'm not the one casting the spell!"  
  
Ukyou got in Ranma's face and brought her spatula over her head to land a blow, "You gave it the idea stupid!"  
  
"Ranma you jerk!"  
  
"Airen is dumber than Mousse!"  
  
"Ranma darling! How could you?"  
  
"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!" Ryoga entered the room through the hole Shampoo made. Ryoga leapt over to Ranma, "IT'S REALLY ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ranma dodged the umbrella and rolled away from the barrage of bandannas, spatulas, bonbori, explosive volleyballs, and a Lava Blast spell.  
  
"Hey! Cut it out!" Ranma continued to dodge Ryoga's charge while avoiding everyone else's attacks. "The demon is the enemy! Not me!"  
  
While the fiance patrol was playing with Ranma, Pantyhose Taro woke up and ran to the injured Happosai. He hit the force field. He pressed against it. He bellowed, "I have you now Happosai! You will give me a worthy name or in the name of my family honor and true justice, I will punish you!"  
  
Sailor Moon took offense, "Hey! That's my line!"  
  
Sailor Mars tapped Moon on the back of the head, "Can it meatball head!"  
  
Taro made a flying leap and the force field buckled. Sailor Mars fired a Fire Soul attack and the force field changed to deflect the attack. Taro jumped at Happosai and passed through the field as if it wasn't there. Happosai recovered enough to jump out of the way just before Taro's leg made contact on his skull. Happosai left behind a firecracker that exploded forcing Taro into the air. Happosai ran outside of the force field. The demon changed the field again. The force field could only deflect magical or physical attacks but not both at the same time.  
  
Sailor Jupiter saw where the freak jumped to and cast "Supreme Thunder Dragon!" The lightning barbecued the butt of Happosai and he changed his jump to land on the ground. He rubbed his butt on the hardwood floor to put out the fire.  
  
Sailor Moon waved to her warriors. "Forget him! Attack the demon!" The Scouts prepared their attacks, "Hit the demon's chest!" The demon altered its force field to protect against magic. Sailor Moon cast Moon Spiral Heart Attack and the other Scouts fired at the same spot on the demon. Sailor Io fired her ki based Thunder Hammer Strike instead of using magic.  
  
The magic attacks were stopped but the ki attack passed through the force field. The demon howled in pain and almost dropped the ball of water. "That hurt!" It used a fingernail and flicked a small ball of water from the large ball toward Sailor Io. Io jumped out of the way and the water whizzed by and hit Nodoka in the chest. She had just arrived at the doorway of the gym.  
  
A very male Nodoka stood drenched and looked at his new form. Kasumi exclaimed, "You look so manly!"  
  
Kasumi was the next one struck. He screamed. It wasn't because he was male. It was because his dress was too tight on him. Nodoka grabbed Kasumi's hand and they ran outside. All the females noticed other girl's change and grew fearful of their upcoming maleness. Ryoga didn't notice the change, he was too busy chasing Ranma.  
  
  
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Soun and Genma were hiding in a bush outside the gym. They saw Nodoka and Kasumi stand against the wall near the doorway. Kasumi was unbuttoning her blouse to loosen it. Soun stood up from his hiding place, "Kasumi!"  
  
Kasumi called out in a deep voice, "I'm ok father!"  
  
Nodoka felt manly. He was angry that his husband was being a coward. He unsheathed his katana and held it in his hands. He had no idea how to use the weapon, but he was ready to defend his son.  
  
Soun was pulled back down by Genma, Genma whispered, "Tendo, if my wife stays a man, I'll never hear the end if it!" Genma instinctively placed his hand on his neck as if he was expecting a blade to make contact there.  
  
Genma shuddered in realization. His wife was a he. Nannichuan! "Tendo! There's Nannichuan in there." He jumped up and ran to the gym.  
  
Nodoka saw his husband running up the walkway to the gym. He was proud of his husband. He was going to join in the fight as a true brave man would. He hoped that his husband had become the man he married. Genma stopped in front of Nodoka. He looked him over. "Where is the Nannichuan?"  
  
Nodoka was livid. "Nannichuan! Is that all you care about! You ruined Ranma's wedding because of your obsession with that stuff." Genma went flying into the air and landed in the bush. He was knocked out cold.  
  
Kasumi lowered his leg back down. He bowed to Nodoka. "I guess I don't know my own strength in this body." He giggled. "I learned that kick from Akane."  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
The demon held its hands near the ball of water and invoked powerful magic. The ball of water grew larger and larger.  
  
Kodachi shoved Ranma, "I'm not joining the MEN'S gymnastic team!"  
  
Shampoo was fuming, "I no want be man! Man disgusting!"  
  
Ukyou was on the sidelines watching the demon. She had her battle spatula ready to swap away any water balls that came her way. She thought about it, "Well I won't have to ditch too much of my wardrobe and I can stop wearing these stupid bindings."  
  
Happosai was crying, "No more pretty ladies! Wahhhh! Wahhhh!"  
  
Ryoga charged Ranma again, "DIE RANMA!" Ranma kicked Ryoga away and ran from him.  
  
Ranma noticed that whenever Happosai spoke, the demon grew in power. Ranma yelled out, "It's Happosai! That's the demon's source of power!"   
  
Ukyou screamed, "Let's kill him!"  
  
Ranma stormed over to Happosai and started to pound on the little freak to get him to shut up. Happosai offered no defense. He was in too much pain and agony to fight back. The other girls joined in. The Scouts held back waiting for the Nerima crew to tenderize him before they finished the job.  
  
The demon's water ball grew at an accelerated rate. "Yes! The delightful pain! It fills me! It is neat!"  
  
The ceiling cracked and Tatewaki fell into the gym onto the center of the volleyball court and was caught in the net. The martial arts volleyball net was designed to entrap players who touched it. Like a spider web, Kuno was ensnared. He awoke and called out to his love. "Sailor Io, I love you. I will date with you."  
  
Sailor Io cast a hateful glare at Kuno. She grabbed a volleyball and threw it at Kuno. It exploded on contact. He was unconscious again. Io was pleased, she didn't want to listen to him recite poetry or grab her while she was saving the world.  
  
Cologne arrived and saw the melee. Mousse came from the men's room and was a man again. He ran to Shampoo's side to defend her. He joined the free for all in trying to land a blow on Happosai.  
  
The water ball grew. Cologne looked at the crowd of Happosai's admirers and saw the pattern. "STOP!" She jumped up and pulled away Shampoo. She then kicked Kodachi away and spun with her stick outstretched to hit most of the people to get their attention.  
  
The crowd pulled back to see why someone would defend Happosai. Cologne stood next to the old fossil. "Can't you see? His suffering is what's fueling the demon." She pointed to the demon whose water ball was already three meters across and growing slowly.  
  
The demon saw the people were watching it. "Don't mind me. I'll be done in a minute." It went back to concentrating on the Nannichuan ball.  
  
A rose appeared out of nowhere. It passed through the shield and hit the ground in front of the demon. The demon looked up to the window where a man dressed in black stood.  
  
Tuxedo Mask stood rigid and his cape flowed in the wind. "Sailor Moon, believe in yourself and you will prevail."  
  
Ranma held back the urge to throw up.  
  
Sailor Moon gained confidence. She pointed her wand at the demon and all the Sailor Scouts cast their attack spells on the monster. The shield was able to withstand the attacks. Sailor Moon started crying. "I don't want to be a Moon prince! I'm a Moon PRINCESS!"  
  
Tuxedo Mask gave a strange look at Sailor Moon. He flashed an image of Usagi as a guy. He became a little sick. He pushed that image away and threw a dozen roses at the demon. "Don't you dare change Sailor Moon!"  
  
Sailors Neptune, Uranus and Saturn appeared at the doorway. They saw Kasumi and Nodoka so they knew that Nannichuan was involved in this combat. Sailor Uranus wasn't that concerned about her imminent sex change. She looked at Neptune and freaked out at the vision of her love being a male, "World Shaking!"  
  
The demon began to laugh. The attacks were only doing minor damage to the shield. It would finish the spell long before they could do any real harm to it. "Happosai, you will now experience the final level of pain!" It began to invoke the chant to release the spell.  
  
Ranma was at a loss. Happosai's pain was fueling the magic. He had to stop Happosai's pain. He caught a flash of inspiration. It would remove what tiny shred of dignity he had left in the world. He couldn't let Akane down. He ran over to Happosai. "Hey, wanna see Ranko naked?"  
  
Happosai smiled for a moment and nodded yes. The demon's energy started to fade. "What is this?"  
  
Happosai frowned, "But you can't be a girl again... WAHHHH!" The demon's energy began to grow again.  
  
Ranma didn't want to give up. He saw Kuno in the volleyball net. He jumped over everyone and landed next to Kuno. He shoved his hand into Kuno's shirt pocket. "I hope those pictures are here." Ranma thought. He hoped he was right. He hoped that Tatewaki was as sick and perverted as he thought he was. He found and pulled out a packet of pictures. Ranma opened the envelope and blushed. "Whoa!" He ran back to Happosai.  
  
Happosai was being stomped on by Taro. "Give me a new name you old man!" Ranma flew in and struck Taro to the ground. Taro flew backwards and into the wall next to a water cooler. Shampoo struck him again to keep him down. Shampoo was happy to help her husband.  
  
Ranma sat next to Happosai. Ranma grimaced and cast away what remained of his pride. He shoved a fake nude photo of Ranko that Nabiki made for Kuno into Happosai's face. "Take a look at this!"  
  
Happosai started to drool. "PRETTY LADY!"  
  
Ranma knew he was never going to live this down. He formed the heart of ice. He shed the last of his dignity and threw it out the window. "Kodachi! Shampoo! All you girls! I need your bras!"  
  
The girls stopped and yelled together, "PERVERT!"  
  
"Do you want to be guys?"  
  
A pile of bras was thrown on Happosai in a few seconds. He was covered in the warmth of fresh scent of females. He was regaining his happiness. "Oh Ranma! I am so happy! I can die now!"  
  
Ranma wanted to grant that wish right that second. He turned to the demon that was watching his water ball shrink. The shield was fading out. Ranma shouted, "Everyone! Attack the demon!"  
  
Kodachi grabbed several volleyballs and threw them at the monster. They exploded all around it. The creature had to exert a lot of effort to keep the water ball from being hit. The monster shot an energy blast at Kodachi, but missed and hit Tatewaki. He was roasted. He muttered, "I love you. I will date with you."  
  
Ukyou threw spatulas injuring the creatures left arm. Konatsu peppered it with throwing stars on the right arm. The demon was getting annoyed. Shampoo threw her bonbori and struck it twice on the back of the head. The demon bellowed, "No more Mr. nice guy!"  
  
Sailor Moon took a stance and began her attack. The demon saw that she was the leader of the Senshi and flicked a ball of water at Moon. She was so focused on her attack that it hit her on the forehead. Instantly, her fuku changed to red ribbons and back into her normal human form. Usagi looked really dumb as a guy in a Juuban High School sailor fuku. "Huh? AHHHHH!"   
  
Usagi covered his face to prevent anyone from seeing him and recognizing him. He ran behind the other Scouts. The other girls finished their spells and hit the demon in the chest. Saturn shot her Silence Glaive and made the creature stumble. "Hey! Can't I have any fun?" The demon started to throw water balls at anything that moved.  
  
Everyone started dodging in every direction. No one wanted to share in Usagi's fate. Ranma didn't care since he was already affected by the water he leapt and struck the shield. He bounced off and landed facing the demon. "MOKO TAKABISHA!" He fired a ki blast and the shield shattered.  
  
Happosai was happy. He was rolling around in the pile of bras regaining his life energy. Happosai's happiness allowed Ranma to be able to destroy the shield.  
  
Ryoga stood next to Ranma. Sailor Io stood next to Ranma. Ranma called the target. "Hit the Nannichuan!"  
  
Ryoga got depressed. He didn't want to destroy his cure. He had to save Akari. "SHI-SHI-HOKODAN!"  
  
"MOKO TAKABISHA!"  
  
"THUNDER HAMMER STRIKE!"   
  
They hit the demon's ball of water and it burst into a fine mist. Sailor Io performed a backflip to stay away from the water vapor. Ryoga and Ranma glanced at each other and jumped at the creature. Ranma struck the head while Ryoga kicked the leg to knock it over.  
  
Mousse heard the word he wanted to hear for a long time. He yelled, "Nannichuan!" He jumped into the mist. "I'm cured! Yes!"  
  
The demon was surprised that its spell was interrupted. "Now I'm mad!" It raised its fist to smash Ryoga into the ground. Ryoga rolled out of the way to avoid instant death. Mousse cast out a chain and entangled the arms of the demon. It flexed its muscles and snapped the chain. It threw the links at Mousse and smashed him against a wall.  
  
Sailor Mars pulled out the silver stasis box from subspace. She held out the ward she made. She had to make a sacrifice. She jumped toward the demon and into the fine fog. He became male. He lost his Sailor fuku and he ran closer to the creature. He held out the ward and shouted, "Demon Lord Entrap!" He held the lid of the box toward the monster and with the words, the top popped open.  
  
The demon had a surprised look on its face. It recognized the box. "NOOOO!!! CAN WE DISCUS THIS OVER DINNER? AHHHH!!!" It legs changed into a black cloud and flowed into the box. The demon's head and torso were still intact and it dug its claws into the hardwood floor.  
  
Rei held the box before him. The power was intense. The demon was not going quietly. The demon struggled, "Must... Evolve..." It released one arm and held itself in place with the other. It aimed a finger at Happosai and fired an energy beam. Rei was worried. The box should have trapped the demon by now. Rei hoped that his ward was strong enough to contain the beast.  
  
Happosai jumped out of the way in time. The collection of bras was incinerated. Happosai screamed, "NO! NOT MY NEW COLLECTION! WAH!"  
  
Pantyhose Taro saw an opening. He leapt and grabbed Happosai while he was mourning the loss of his loved ones. "Give me my name you wretch!" He landed on the ground and began pounding the little freak into a wall. He spun and smashed the water cooler with Happosai's head. The water hit Taro and he transformed into the Yeti/Eel/Stork/Bull and intensified his pummeling.  
  
Ranma pulled out his thermos and hit Taro with the hot water changing him back to human form. Ranma tried to wrestle Happosai from Taro. Taro was in anguish at the loss of his cursed form and directed his hatred to Ranma for trying to take Happosai away from him. Taro knew that a new name was only moments away.  
  
The demon felt the glorious pain. It absorbed energy from Taro and Happosai. The intensity of the hatred between those two was enough for the demon to evolve. "YES! YES! YES!" A bright yellow light engulfed the demon. The light changed to a purple color and the demon shrank in size.  
  
Everyone stopped and gasped at the new form of the demon. Rei fell to the ground. His entrap spell was broken. A form of pure evil stood before them. His ward was made to hold a demon lord. The thing before him was the lord of all demons. It was the embodiment of evil.  
  
Tuxedo mask screamed, "No! Not that!" He ran away. Kodachi fainted.  
  
The creature was the most foul vile creature ever to grace the surface of the earth. There were things that were unholy. This creature was the definition of UNHOLY!  
  
It stood two meters tall. It had spikes on the back of its neck to the tip of its one and a half meter tail. It was covered in a soft felt like fur with large green spots. Its purple color masked the true horror that the demon possessed. The hands and arms were human sized but with extremely wide fingers.  
  
Its head was the most hideous. It was large with two huge purple eyes and a giant smile that seemed to contain a single mouth sized tooth on the upper and lower jaw.  
  
He spoke in a goofy voice. "Hyuk, hyuk, Hi boys and girls! I love you!"  
  
Barney the Dinosaur had come back from being banished from this plane. It took Buffy and 2 other slayers and the destruction of six city blocks in Los Angeles to lock it away from the PBS television station. It must be sent back into the stasis box.  
  
Rei was the closest to it. He could feel his IQ dropping by being in its foul presence.  
  
All the warriors felt their minds being drained. Soon they would all be blithering idiots sitting in a circle and singing stupid songs.  
  
Tatewaki repeated his mantra, "I love you. I will date with you. I love you. I will date with you."  
  
Rei held the box out again. His IQ was dropping quickly and he didn't have much time. "Demon Lord Entrap!"  
  
Barney smiled. It was the only facial expression that it could do. "Ah, why did you do that? Don't you see that I love you?" He clasped his hands together and danced a stupid jig. His legs turned into a purple cloud that was sucked into the silver containment box. Barney couldn't hold on and slid to the box so that his shoulders and head remained. "I want to play with you! Hyuk!"  
  
Rei remembered what was missing. He called out the words of power. "Klatuu, Barada... Uh... Uh..." His brain was shrinking. "Nickel!"  
  
Barney taunted him. "Can't trap me if you don't know the words."  
  
Rei glanced at the other warriors. Ryoga was making piggy noises. Ranma and Sailor Io were playing patty cake. Ukyou was admiring her reflection in her spatula. Shampoo was spinning her bonbori like a top. The scouts were admiring each other's dresses and Mr. Usagi was sucking his thumb. Sailor Mercury and Cologne were the only ones who still had any brains left, but they were losing it rapidly. Rei realized that his ward was protecting him but he didn't have much time left.  
  
He tried to remember the words. "Klatuu... Barada... Necktie!"  
  
Happosai had to save the women of the world. He shouted, "It's Nikto! Say Nikto!"  
  
Barney was terrified, "Happosai! Why did you tell her! I thought that we were friends!"  
  
Rei had one shot left, "Klatuu, Barada, Nikto!"  
  
Barney screamed, "NOOOOOO!!!!" He turned into a purple cloud and went into the box. The box emitted a bright light and an earth-shattering boom echoed across the gymnasium. Everyone was knocked to the ground. Rei passed out. The box fell to the ground. The room was silent.  
  
  
========================================  
  
  
Happosai was dreaming, "Now I get to touch the pretty ladies!" He was thinking about where he will strike first. The bathhouse, the hot springs or maybe the girl's locker room would be the first place to explore. He woke up with a katana poking his chest.  
  
Nodoka stood above Happosai. She held the katana firmly on top of Happosai to prevent him from moving. She pointed the silver box at him.  
  
Happosai smiled. "That only works on demons. Ha ha ha!"  
  
Nodoka smirked. "Yes, I believe it does." She held out Rei's ward. "Demon Lord Entrap!" The box popped open and Happosai turned into a black cloud and was sucked in. "Klatuu, Barada, Nikto!" The box closed and Nodoka placed the seal on the box and locked it tight. She gave a tiny laugh of satisfaction.  
  
Nodoka spoke to the box. "Women are not as weak or as useless as you think they are. We can defend ourselves from scum like you." She turned to the unconscious body of Sailor Io. She kissed her daughter-in-law on the cheek. She walked to Ranma and kissed him as well. Her children were very brave. She walked over to Rei and left the box next to her. She went outside to Kasumi. "It's over. Let's go home." Kasumi and Nodoka turned and went home. They left Soun and Genma to fend for themselves. If the girls were lucky, the men would leave on a training journey and learn the meaning of courage.  
  
  
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Ranko was in a dark place. She had been floating there for a long time. She was lonely and terrified. She had no idea where she was or what had happened to her. She had cried for hours and she was out of tears. She floated in the dark for what seemed like an eternity. A light appeared. She flew to the light. The light felt like home.  
  
Ranma came to. He had a very strange dream. He looked around and saw all of the warriors scattered everywhere on the ground. He held his head to relieve the headache he was feeling. He remembered what happened. Well, most of what happened. The moments after the demon changed color, his memory was a bit fuzzy.  
  
He used his Senshi sense and knew exactly where Akane lay. He ran over to her and saw that she was ok. He breathed a sigh of relief. He gently tapped her face to wake her. "Sailor Io?"  
  
Sailor Io fluttered her eyes open. "Ranma? What happened?"  
  
Ranma helped Io up, "I guess the creature was banished."  
  
"WAHH!!" Usagi woke up and was crying. "I'm a moon prince! I don't wanna be a prince!" Sailor Jupiter cupped her hand over her mouth to shut her up. She bumped Usagi's chest to show that she wasn't a prince anymore. Usagi started to happily cry. Sailor Jupiter dragged Usagi out the hole in the wall and to a hiding place so she could change back into Sailor Moon.  
  
The other warriors started to wake up. Rei picked up the box holding the demon and shoved it into subspace. She was going to have to figure out where to get rid of it later. She ran off to transform before anyone else saw her as Rei.  
  
Taro was pissed. He was angry that he still didn't get his new name. He looked around for Happosai but he was nowhere to be found. "Happosai! Where are you?" He went to the broken water cooler and found enough water to splash himself. He flapped his wings and flew out of the gym and started his futile search for Happosai.  
  
Shampoo woke up. Mousse was kneeling next to her. He was massaging her hand. Shampoo at first wanted to pull away. She softened a tiny bit and allowed Mousse to caress her hand. The sensation was pleasant. Cologne sighed. She thought, "Maybe there is hope for Mousse after all."  
  
Mousse happily announced, "I'm cured Shampoo. I'm a complete man again. I'll prove it." Mousse produced a water bottle from his sleeve and poured it on himself. "QUACK!"  
  
Konatsu woke Ukyou up. Ukyou rubbed her head, "Man I had the strangest dream. I thought I saw a purple dinosaur. Isn't that the silliest thing you can imagine?" Konatsu and Ukyou laughed.  
  
Kuno spoke his mantra while still in the volleyball net. "I love you. I will date with you."  
  
Kodachi got up and cast off her volleyball uniform to reveal a tank top leotard. She spun around an gave a wicked laugh. "Ranma darling..." She stopped when she saw that Ranma was holding Sailor Io's hand. "I see. There is a new girl in his life. Hmm... I wonder what Akane will think." She spun and pranced off leaving a trail of black rose petals.  
  
Ryoga came to and saw Ranma. He leapt up, grabbed his umbrella and charged. "DAMN YOU RANMA!" Ranma jumped and dodged Ryoga's umbrella. "Ryoga! It's not my fault!"  
  
Akari ordered her husband. "Ryoga! Stop!"  
  
Ryoga stopped dead in his tracks. "Akari? You... You're ok?" Akari held out her arms and leapt onto Ryoga. She gave him a huge hug and Ryoga returned the hug almost crushing her to death. She gasped for air and fell over.  
  
Ryoga turned to look at Ranma. "Ranma! This is YOUR FAULT!"  
  
  
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Outside the gym, Ranma watched the Senshi gather. Sailor Moon came up to him and gave him a hug. "I wish you could be Sailor Sun again. I miss her."  
  
He hugged her back. "I miss her too." He felt something that he thought he had lost. He could sense them. He had Senshi senses. Ranma reached up and pulled out his henshin stick from subspace. "Oh my god!"  
  
Sailor Moon let go. "What's the matter?" She saw the henshin stick in his hand. She gasped for joy and put her hands on her mouth to muffle the glee.  
  
Ranma sensed that no one else other than the Senshi was watching. Ranma held up his stick. "Sun Star Power! Make Up!" The stick sprayed Ranma with the water mist and Ranko for a moment stood there. She spun around and transformed into Sailor Sun.  
  
Sailor Moon and the other eight Scouts cheered. Their teammate had returned from the dead. Moon hugged Sun, "Oh Sun!"  
  
Sun hugged her back. "Oh Moon!"  
  
Sailor Io got wide eyed as she saw Sailor Sun holding Moon. "Ran... Uh... Sailor Sun?"  
  
Sailor Sun turned to look at Sailor Io. She gave a cocky grin. "Who did you think it was?" Sailor Io didn't think. She reacted. She ran over to Sun and embraced her.  
  
Sailor Moon faced the other girls. "The police will be here any moment. Let's go everyone!" The Sailor Scouts all ran off.  
  
Sailor Io and Sailor Sun wanted a moment alone. They changed back. Akane touched Ranko's red hair. "It's really you! You're back."  
  
Ranko smiled. "You can't keep a good girl down."  
  
Akane smiled, "For better or for worse."  
  
Ranko held her wife, "Until death do we part."  
  
Ukyou came out of the gym and watched the two holding each other. She smiled. "C'mon sugars. Let's get out of here." She took Akane's and Ranko's hand and they jumped onto the rooftops away from there. Konatsu followed.  
  
Shampoo crossed her arms. "Ukyou getting too friendly with pervert girls. Maybe Ukyou pervert girl too."  
  
A hot water drenched Mousse knelt next to Shampoo, "I love you Shampoo! Say you'll be my wife!"  
  
Shampoo looked skyward and jumped towards the Cat Cafe. Mousse ran after her. "Please Shampoo! I can still be cured!" Cologne shrugged and followed them home.  
  
Kuno chanted, "I love you. I will date with you."  
  
  
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Genma and Soun saw that they were all alone in the bushes in front of the gym. "Well Tendo?"  
  
"Well Saotome?"  
  
"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"  
  
"I think so Saotome. But if they kill off the teletubbies, wouldn't they be replaced by a greater evil?"  
  
Genma thought about that. "Yeah, I guess you are right. Let's get drunk Tendo."  
  
"Why not?" The two of them walked to the street and went to the nearest bar.  
  
  
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Ukyou took Akane and Ranko to a back alley away from prying eyes. She stopped and leaned against a wall. "Ok, you can go with your friends now." She gave a look of sadness and slid down to the ground.  
  
Akane felt bad for Ukyou. She knew that she wanted to be a Senshi. It was every girl's dream. She pulled out her henshin stick. "Want to hold it?"  
  
"Can I?" Ukyou happily held the stick. She could feel the power that was contained inside. She held it up and cried, "Io Star Power! Make Up!" Ukyou held her eyes closed and imagined what the transformation felt like. She opened her eyes and saw she was still Ukyou. She slowly lowered her hand and lovingly gazed at the yellow stick. "It was worth a try." She held the stick close to her heart. She for a moment was a magical girl in her mind.  
  
Akane smiled. "It's Io Lumina Power! Make Up!"  
  
"Can I try?" Konatsu popped out of a trashcan. He was hiding in it.  
  
Ranko giggled. Akane raised an eyebrow and tilted her head in his direction. Ukyou tossed the stick to him. He looked at it and held it up. "Io Lumina Power! Make Up!" Nothing happened.  
  
Ukyou sighed. "Well sugar. If you need any help in the future. Could you please call me?"  
  
Ranko put her hand on Ukyou's shoulder. "We just might." Akane held out her hand to Konatsu who slid next to her and handed her back her henshin stick. Akane sensed the area to see if no one else was around. She held her stick high. "Io Lumina Power! Make Up!" In moments her transformation was complete and Sailor Io made a pose.  
  
Ranko held her stick in the air. It was the most wonderful feeling. She never wanted to lose this feeling ever again, "Sun Star Power! Make Up!" She happily made a pose. She posed again.  
  
Ukyou had a tear in her eye. "Ok you two, go and fight for love and justice."  
  
"We will." Sailors Io and Sun ran off to join the other Senshi.  
  
  
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The Senshi were all gathered at the Outer's home. Everyone was cheering the return of Sailor Sun. Sailors Io and Sun were the last to arrive.  
  
Sailor Pluto was at home as well. Moon went up to Pluto, "Why didn't you come to the battle?"  
  
Pluto explained, "And get Nannichuan on me? No way. If that stuff touched me, I would lose my ability to defend the gates of time. I could never allow that to happen." Sailor Moon thought that was a flimsy excuse.  
  
Sailor Moon called the meeting to order. "Everyone. First, I want to welcome back Sailor Sun to the team." She paused and smiled. "She never left us. She was out sick." Sailor Sun took a tiny bow.  
  
The girls in small groups hugged Sun and kissed her on the cheek. Sailor Io kissed her on the lips. She was her wife so she could do that whenever she felt like. Io whispered in Sun's ear, "I'm so happy for you Ranma."  
  
Sun whispered back, "I'm happy for me too."  
  
Moon pulled Sailor Mars to her. "Where is the box?"  
  
Mars pulled it out of subspace. "Here are the troublemakers." The box had a band of steel with intricate markings to seal the contents.  
  
A goofy muffled voice came from inside, "I was only kidding!"  
  
Happosai spoke from the box as well, "C'mon ladies. I didn't mean it."  
  
Sailor Moon looked at Sailor Pluto, "Got any ideas Pluto?"  
  
"But of course your majesty." Pluto took the box. "All I need is your permission."  
  
"As long as we never see it again."  
  
Pluto smiled. "Thank you your majesty." She slipped into the time stream and an instant later appeared again. "It is done."  
  
Sailor Venus sat down on the floor. "Good riddance."  
  
Sailor Sun changed back into Ranko. "Girls. I don't know about you. But I'm in the mood for some ice cream."  
  
Pluto transformed back. Setsuna threw her arms in the air. "What the heck! I'm buying!"  
  
"HOORAY!" Came from the group.  
  
An hour later, several gallons of ice cream met a horrible fate.  
  
  
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On a newly discovered planetoid in the Sol star system, buried sixty meters below the soil, a small metal box lay. The tiny almost planet named Quaoar would not be visited by humans for a thousand years. Sailor Pluto would find a new hiding spot by then. A goofy voice from the box spoke, "I guess I'll just have to brush up on playing solitaire again. I'm so bored."  
  
Happosai was back in agony. "No pretty ladies? WAHH!!!""  
  
The demon ate Happosai's agony. "Mmm... pain..."  
  
  
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Weeks later...  
  
The demon sang. "I love you. You love me!"  
  
Happosai wanted to quiet his eternal roommate. "SHUT UP!"  
  
"Wanna play checkers?  
  
"No."  
  
"Wanna play chess"  
  
"No."  
  
"I've got a great book on how to play solitaire."  
  
"No."  
  
"Let's watch my favorite show. I have a complete collection of the my TV show on DVD."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"But I love you!"  
  
This conversion lasted far longer than any human being could stand. In other words, it lasted longer than a minute. The conversation lasted MUCH longer.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
MUCH longer...   
  
Happosai was punished.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Ok, so if you like my fic. Email me and tell me so. Otherwise mail cards or letters to your favorite dictator or greater demon and tell them why I suck.  
  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and prevents me from going into the neko-ken and chasing you around the block.  
  
  
Last words: I feel so sorry for Ukyou. When I get around to doing another Sailor Ranko fic. Should I make her a scout? Or is eleven enough?  
  
Bill Heineman  
December 5th, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
http://www.contrabandent.com/burgerbill  
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	15. Epilogue

Sailor Ranko - Just Add Water: Chapter 15 Epilogue  
The ongoing saga of "Sailor Ranko", set after "Sailor Ranko: Tunnel Vision"  
  
Based on "Sailor Ranko" by Fire and "Twice in a Millennium" by Kevin D. Hammel and acknowledging "Black Moon - Eclipse of the Sun" by Arthur Hansen  
By Bill Heineman  
  
I don't own these characters. Please don't sue me, kill me or make wear a chicken suit in front of "El Pollo Loco".  
  
  
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Nodoka and Kasumi didn't say much to each other during the train ride from Juuban. Both girls were deep in thought at the betrayal and cowardice that their men had shown in Ranma and Akane's hour of need.   
  
Kasumi didn't show any of her true emotions. She kept her smile but deep down inside, she was ashamed of her father. While Ranma and Akane were risking their lives, Soun spent his time hiding in a bush. She grew up with respect for her father and had put up with his emotional outbursts. She chalked it up to his never getting over the loss of his wife. She saw that her father was a coward. Kasumi didn't know where her father was right now. He was probably at a bar with Mr. Saotome. She felt let down. She hoped her father would be more courageous in time. She just didn't know how much more time he would need.  
  
Nodoka was furious at her husband. Their son was fighting for love and justice and all Genma could think about was a cure for his curse. She reflected on all the lies and deceit that she had suffered through all those years and openly questioned in her mind if Genma would ever be redeemed. She sighed at the hopelessness of her situation. The Saotome family home was destroyed. It was wiped out by three girls fighting over who would get what they thought was an engagement ring from Ranma. She giggled at the thought of so many girls fighting over her son.  
  
Nodoka had to live at the Tendos since she had nowhere else to go. Genma had a low paying job and all the money was going to the Tendos to pay for living expenses. They would never be able to save any money to rebuild their home. She thought about getting a job, but she didn't want to be supporting her husband. Her husband was supposed to support her.  
  
Nodoka missed her son. He had been missing from her life for so long and the visits she got were few and far between. She wanted to find a way to be able to be a bigger influence on her son's life. She needed to talk to Ranma about how she felt and about what she wanted. Maybe he could offer some sort of solution. For now, she was content to live with the Tendos. She enjoyed being their surrogate mother. It gave Kasumi a chance to live her own life instead of being the mother to her family.  
  
The train stopped. The two women left and began the long walk home. Kasumi paused at Dr. Tofu's office. She smiled at the building and thought about the man inside. Nodoka took notice, "You like him?"  
  
Kasumi didn't turn to face Nodoka. She kept her gaze on the building. "Yes, I like him." Kasumi started to walk home again.  
  
"Has he asked you out?"  
  
Kasumi lost a little of her glow. "No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I don't know. I borrow books from him from time to time and he just doesn't seem to see me." She stood up straight again. She thought about her future. Akane was married and living with her husband in Juuban. Nabiki was going to graduate in two months. She was going to be a free woman. Her job was almost finished. She needed to plan for her own life. "Maybe I should ask him out."  
  
Nodoka put her arm around Kasumi's shoulder. "Maybe you should."  
  
As the girls walked over the horizon, a brown haired man with fogged up glasses danced with a skeleton in the front walkway of his office. He had the misfortune of seeing a beautiful woman outside his practice and it caused a predictable effect on him. It was sad really.  
  
  
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Ranko and Akane finally got home from the celebration at the ice cream shop. They plopped on the couch. Ranko wanted to stay female for a while. She was glad to be able to become female again. She glanced at the clock. It was pretty late in the evening.  
  
Akane had recovered from the ice cream binge that the two girls came from. Ranko had set a new speed record in devouring a banana split. Usagi didn't even come close.  
  
Akane started tidying up the living room and went to the kitchen to empty the trash. Ranko playfully examined her female body. "Ah, it's good to be back."  
  
Akane peeked out of the kitchen. "You mean back to being a girl."  
  
Ranko stood up and went to the bedroom. She stood before the mirror. "You never really appreciate things until they are taken from you." She produced her henshin stick and admired the craftsmanship. She held it to her face and gave it a tiny kiss. "Sun Star Power! Make Up!"  
  
Akane gave a sigh and put down the sealed trash bag. She came to the bedroom just as Ranko finished her transformation. "You're going to wear that thing out!"  
  
Sailor Sun held her arms to her waist. She just stared at herself in the mirror. She touched her tiara and felt the warm gold metal along her forehead. She turned to Akane. "Dear, please transform right now."  
  
Akane stood next to the redhead and pulled her yellow henshin stick from nothingness. She called out her transformation phrase and spun in the air. She stood alongside her husband and held Sun's shoulders. Sun gently held Io's waist and slowly embraced her. Sun placed her head on Io's shoulder. "I thought I would never be able to do this again."  
  
Io returned the embrace. "We beat him. We beat Happosai and his pet."  
  
Sun closed her eyes and concentrated on a destination. "Sun Beam Transport!"  
  
In a moment the two changed into a beam of light. Io felt her very being was pulled in every direction and suddenly the feeling was gone as she stood next to Sun on a desolate landscape. The air felt strange and Io felt a little nausea since the gravity wasn't normal.  
  
Sailor Sun looked up at the sky holding the hands of her beloved. "I thought I'd never see this again." Above the girls was the Earth with only one quarter of it bathed in sunlight. The rest of the Earth was in darkness. Io realized that they were standing on the moon. Sun let go of one hand and led Io by the other to the ruins of an ancient structure.  
  
Sun took Io to a stone bench and sat down on it. Io sat beside her and was stunned by the magnificent columns all around them. The stars above them were hundreds of times more numerous than from a view on Earth. Io took a breath and slowly exhaled it. "How am I breathing?"  
  
Sun recalled ancient memories from her past life. In the Crystal Millennium, everyone knew these things. In the present, only a select few knew about Senshi magic. "You're a Sailor Senshi now. Your transformation allows you to exist in space and on any of the planets." She waved her hand to show her surroundings. "You're just like the rest of us."  
  
Io bent down and picked up some moon dust. She held a small amount in her hand and blew it away making a small cloud that slowly settled back down. The motion was much different than on Earth. The dust took its time falling and didn't scatter since there was no air to move it around. Io didn't question why she was able to breath. She just enjoyed the moment. "Sun, is this where you took your mother?"  
  
"I brought her here. I wanted to show her our past."  
  
Io looked at the ruins. "What happened here?"  
  
Sailor Sun gave the story of the fall of the moon kingdom. She talked about her sacrifice that gave her the right to wear a Sailor uniform. She told Io of what she knew of Crystal Tokyo. Io was in awe that all of this history was totally forgotten by the people of Earth.  
  
Sun ended her story. "Well, that's everything I can remember. I still don't have all my memories. Honestly, I don't really know if I want to remember everything."  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"As a girl, I'm Ranko. I have my own life now. Angwyn Weaver was what I used to be. I'm not her anymore. I don't want her taking over my life. I want to live my own life with you."  
  
Io saw the love in Sun's eyes that she had for her. Io took Sun's hands. Sun continued, "I remember that in my past life, I suffered pain and anguish and lived for revenge. For a long time I led an empty life only to sacrifice myself at the end." She held Io's hands tight. "I never want to live an empty lonely life again."  
  
Io promised, "We'll never be lonely. You'll always have me. I'll always have you."  
  
Sun had a mischievous gleam in her eye. "If you can catch me!" She started to run but had to adjust to compensate for the lack of gravity. Io started to follow but bounded off the surface and very high into the sky. Io looked down and saw Sun sticking her tongue out and mocking her. Io slowly came back down and the two girls played on the moon's surface for hours.  
  
The two were covered in moon dust and were in desperate need of a bath when they were done wrestling with each other. Sun held her soul mate and teleported them again.  
  
Castle Io had not had visitors since the other nine Senshi gathered to create the henshin stick for their newest member. Io and Sun spent a good half hour exploring the ancient building made of bright orange yellow volcanic stone. The surface of the castle was worn and eroded. Io was concerned the building would collapse at any minute from age. They took a tour of the surface of the moon Io. They played with the sulfurous dust and rocks and sat together watching a volcano erupt near the horizon. The two sat on the roof of the castle and watched Ganymede float by and Jupiter's storm clouds ever so slowly moved along the surface of the giant planet. They slept in each other's arms for a few hours. Sun was happy that the communicators had an alarm clock installed.   
  
  
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The two Senshi reappeared in their apartment. It was seven o'clock in the morning. Io closed her eyes and refused to let go of Sun. She didn't want the moment to end. Sun gently touched Io's bluish hair and caressed it softly. They felt the warmth of their bodies against each other and let their love flow between them.  
  
There was a knock at the door. Both girls quickly reverted to their normal forms. Akane was furious that someone would ruin such a beautiful romantic moment. "Who's visiting us at this hour?"  
  
The two girls went to the front door and Akane opened it. Tatewaki Kuno stood there with two bouquets of roses, one on each arm. "Ah! Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed one, I am here to sweep you off your feet!" He thrust out the roses to Akane and Ranko.  
  
Ranko went rigid. She was furious. "Kuno! When are you going to take the hint that we are not interested in you in the slightest!" She turned red with anger.  
  
Akane started to vibrate in fury. She grabbed the flowers meant for her and slapped Kuno in the face with it. "How dare you bother us at this time of the morning!"  
  
Tatewaki ignored the facts as usual. "'Tis but a moment to be treasured. To be in the company of ravishing beauty such as this, I am humbled and will allow you to be in my presence."  
  
Ranko took a step closer. "You really don't get it do you buster! Akane and I are not interested. You got that numbskull!"  
  
Kuno took the approach the wrong way. He glomped her. "Oh, my pig tailed goddess, you have come so that I may date with you." He stood up staring at the ceiling. He pulled out a fan and opened it while holding Ranko in his other arm. "We shall mark this day. It will be as glorious as our first date together. Ah what a glorious day that was."  
  
Ranko didn't want that horrible memory to be brought back in the open. She almost kissed Kuno on that day in a desperate attempt to take Kuno's magic sword to break her curse. Ranko regretted the decision to date with this psychopath. Ranko punched his face. "Let go of me you pervert!" She squirmed out of his grip.  
  
Kuno rubbed his cheek. "The only pervert is Saotome."  
  
Akane punched Kuno in the other cheek. "Don't call my husband a pervert!" Akane thought, "Only I can call him that."  
  
Ranko cross her arms and took a defiant stance. "Kuno, go back to Nerima and leave us alone. There is nothing for you here."  
  
Kuno rubbed his other cheek. "I see that Akane Tendo is still in the grasp of the sorcerer Ranma Saotome." He held out his hand for Ranko. "Come my love, he has no power over someone as fiery as you."  
  
Ranko prepared to kick Kuno out the door. She paused and had a terrible idea. "Oh Kuno, it's too late. I've already fallen in love."  
  
"You can't be under the influence of that dread Saotome. I cannot permit it." Kuno reached for his bokken and prepared to pull it out.  
  
Ranko batted her eyes to Akane. "Why yes! I am in love with a Saotome." She reached over and grabbed a startled Akane and kissed her on the lips.  
  
Kuno gasped. "W-w-what?"  
  
They stopped their kiss and looked at Kuno. "We're both Saotomes."  
  
"No!" He pulled out his bokken. "That defiler of women has corrupted your pure morals! Where is he?"  
  
Ranko kicked Kuno out into the hall. She stood in the doorway of the apartment. "I'm right here stupid."  
  
Kuno shook his head to clear it out. "I see you there my love. Where is Ranma Saotome?"  
  
Akane ran back into the apartment. Ranko fought the urge to ki blast Kuno right there and then. "I'm Ranma Saotome you idiot! How many times do I have to tell you that!"  
  
"His power over you is great. He made you take his name." Tatewaki stood up with his bokken ready for action. Ranko had to step back to get out of range since the hallway was narrow and the doorframe was too close for comfort.  
  
Akane tapped Ranko's shoulder. Ranko took the cup of hot water. She checked her clothes, yep, red shirt and black pants. "Ok Kuno, I'm going to do this one more time just for you. Watch carefully and you'll see that I'm Ranma." She took the cup over her head and slowly poured.  
  
Kuno saw the change right before his eyes. His pathetic excuse for a brain disposed of the information in moments. "So you are a sorcerer! Where is the pig tailed girl?"  
  
Ranma handed the cup to Akane. He shouted, "I'm the pig tailed girl you moron!" He made a face of disgust. "You're in love with a guy! Quite frankly, you're not my type!"  
  
"How DARE you project your perversions on me!" Kuno charged. "Strike! Strike! Strike!" His flurry of bokken blows was only a brown blur. Ranma had to give ground since the doorway didn't allow Ranma any space to dodge or counterattack. Akane retreated to the kitchen. Ranma took a stand in the center of the tiny living room.  
  
Ranma waited for an opening. He parried the strikes until Kuno overextended one and Ranma grabbed the bokken. He got in Kuno's face and held his eyes to Kuno's. "Listen you single minded excuse for a martial artist. Akane and I are married and the pig tailed girl is me!"  
  
Kuno gave an expression of disgust and rage. "How dare you claim that the fair Akane Tendo would marry the likes of you?"  
  
Akane grabbed Kuno by the collar and pulled him down to her face. "I married him because I love him and not you!" She shoved him against the wall. She pointed her finger toward the open door. "Get out!"  
  
Ranma threw the bokken out the front door. "I think you should do what she says."  
  
Kuno looked at Akane. "I will rescue you Akane. You have my word."  
  
Akane twitched her eyes and shook in pure rage. "Have you had too many blows to the head? What is with you? Get the hell out of my life!" She grabbed a cup from the kitchen counter and threw it at Kuno. The old tea that was in it splashed Ranma on the back of his head.  
  
Kuno glomped Ranko. "Ah pig tailed one, you have escaped from your prison!"  
  
Ranko wasn't playing nice anymore. She kneed his groin. Kuno clutched his private parts and fell the floor groaning. Ranko stood back so Kuno can get a good look at Ranko. "Notice my clothes? I'm wearing Ranma's clothes because I AM RANMA you idiot! I've got a curse that changes me when I'm hit with cold water. The whole school knows about it."  
  
Kuno knelt on the floor. "So cold water is how I free you from your prison?"  
  
Akane and Ranko groaned. Akane went behind Kuno and knocked him out. Akane watched Kuno hit the floor. Ranko pondered the situation. "Was he brain damaged at birth? Or is this something that runs in their family."  
  
Akane laughed, "Let's see, we have Kodachi, Tatewaki and their father the principal. I'd say it runs in the family."  
  
Ranko pondered some more. "He wants a girlfriend. I know just the perfect one." Ranko walked to the bathroom and shut the door. "Sun Star Power! Make Up!" Sailor Sun came out. She picked up Kuno. "Sun Beam Transport!"  
  
Akane stood wide-eyed. She hoped Sun wouldn't do anything really stupid. She went to the hallway to get the bokken and closed the front door.  
  
She sat down for a while on the couch. She peeked at the clock. It was getting close to time to get to school. She hoped that Sun didn't teleport somewhere that it was still nighttime and pass out from lack of sunlight.  
  
Akane was worried. Sun had been gone for over half an hour. She thought about calling Usagi and have her try to sense where Sun was. Akane concentrated and couldn't detect where Sun was. Her powers were still very new and her range was limited.  
  
A flash appeared and Sun looked around. Sun reverted back to Ranko.  
  
Akane saw that Kuno was missing. "What did you do with Tatewaki?"  
  
Ranko gave an evil grin. "Someone else is bothering him now." Ranko went to the bathroom to get ready for school.  
  
A few minutes later, Ranma and Akane ran off for another day at high school. The fun never stopped at the Saotome household.  
  
  
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"Henrietta! Henrietta! Come back here!" Azusa Shiratori shouted as she chased her new toy around the mansion.  
  
Kuno ran quickly, "My name is Tatewaki Kuno! It's not Henrietta!"  
  
"No Henrietta! Come back to Azusa!"  
  
Tatewaki was dressed in a cute girl's dress with a nice pink bow in his hair. He looked just like a cute life sized doll. He was adorable.  
  
"It's time for tea Henrietta!" Azusa's roller skates were much faster than Kuno's running ability. She glomped him and dragged him back to the mansion.  
  
"MY NAME IS TATEWAKI KUNO!"  
  
They played for hours.  
  
  
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Ukyou awoke to her alarm at five in the morning. She awoke to start a new day in her new life. Ukyou had made some hard choices before she went to bed. Her old dreams were now just memories. She had a new dream. She was going to devote her life to make this dream a reality. She was going to train like she had never trained before. She assisted in the battle, but she was not the decisive warrior. She needed to improve her battle skills.  
  
Ukyou had decided on the path she wanted to follow. She wanted to make a difference. She was going to make a difference. She got dressed in her blue overcoat and black leggings. She went into the alley next to her restaurant and began her warm up exercises. Konatsu stood by watching his mistress. Ukyou pulled out her battle spatula and practiced moves. She called out, "Konatsu!"  
  
"Yes mistress?"  
  
"I want to practice against shurikens." Ukyou held out her weapon in a defense stance.  
  
"Are you sure about that?" He quickly changed into his female ninja outfit and held his throwing stars ready.  
  
"I'll never learn unless I practice." Ukyou had a look of fierce determination. She was going to be the best.  
  
Konatsu began the training. He administered first aid fifteen minutes later to a very discouraged Ukyou. He asked, "Oh mistress, why are you doing this to yourself?"  
  
Ukyou smiled. "I'm going to make a difference."  
  
Konatsu saw it in her eyes. She was right. She was.  
  
  
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To be continued...  
  
Look for Sailor Ranko: The harder they fall.  
  
  
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Author's Notes: Ok, so if you like my fic. Email me and tell me so. Otherwise mail cards or letters to your favorite dictator or greater demon and tell them why I suck.  
  
Please review my story. It makes me feel oh so happy and prevents me from telling your mom on you.  
  
Last words: Yes, I'm doing another fic. Shoot me now to get it over with.  
  
Bill Heineman  
December 5, 2002  
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burger@contrabandent.com  
http://www.contrabandent.com/burgerbill  
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